


Unbreakable Bonds

by Arithese



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Blood, Chains, Experiments, Gen, Kidnapping, Muzzle, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Presumed Dead, Suicide Attempt, Traumatised, hissing, scientists - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-24 19:50:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 67,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16181996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arithese/pseuds/Arithese
Summary: 'She recognised him immediately, the plastron, the shell, the freckles that dotted his face. She took another step, looking closer towards the creature. Dirt was covering his green skin, scrapes and bruises decorating his skin. Chains around both his wrist and ankles, connected to the wall. And the worst of all, the muzzle on his face. The baby blue eyes filled with so much fear.'





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea a few weeks ago after watching an episode of Criminal Minds. I think it was season 7 or so, and the episode was called 'foundation'.
> 
> This takes place after the season 1 finale, somewhere before 'The Wrath of Tiger Claw'

April sighed, supporting her head on top of her hand, blankly staring outside of the window. Rain was hitting the window with such force she was sure it would break any time soon. Occasionally the sky would light up, and a loud thunder would echo through the air.

The red-haired teen sighed again and looked towards her mobile, still turned on and focused on her messages. Casey still wasn't answering, she had sent the message 30 minutes ago, and still no reply came from the teen.

"Fine" She huffed, standing up angrily and picking up her jacket, folding it around her body to keep herself warm. She turned off her phone and placed it in her pocket, walking outside the room and through the halls of the lab.

She loved her job, even though it was obligated from the school to take a job, she still loved it. She always loved animals, so working with them was something she really liked. But at times like these, she hated it.

She hated having to walk through the rain, and just when she needed him, she couldn't reach Casey. He had promised her she could call him whenever she needed a ride, and when she actually needed one, she couldn't reach him.

She knew she was being ridiculous, Casey didn't need to pick her up or something, but he still promised her he would pick her up, and right now he wasn't even answering. And that was something that pissed her off the most.

She turned off the light in the halls as she passed by, checking if every door on the side was closed and locked. Rain was still hitting the wall and windows, and she couldn't contain the shiver that went down her spine.

She never liked being the last one to leave the building. She didn't bother locking the place down but it was always so creepy, and that wasn't because of all the caged animals around her.

Many people thought it was a lab, and practically it was, but where she worked it wasn't. It was merely a research center, where they trained various animals. They compared the behavior of normal pets and normally 'wild' animals.

Testing how much could be learned to those animals. And of course there was a lab, where animals where tested but luckily she didn't have to work there. And her boss had assured her they weren't hurting the animals with the chemicals or anything. Not that she believed him on that part.

April folded her jacket around her a little bit tighter as she was almost done, and only 2 doors remained. A shudder went down her spine and she viciously turned around. But there was nothing, only the darkness, and the only light coming from the windows.

The red-haired teen frowned slightly, she was sure she heard something but there was nothing. She let out a short breath and turned around again, ready to walk towards the door to lock it when something was placed on her shoulder.

She let out an icy scream which was cut off by a hand being placed on her mouth. Her eyes went wide and she reached for the attacker, elbowing him in his stomach. A painful grunt came from the boy and she turned around, facing him.

"Casey?!" She practically yelled as she saw the teen standing there, rubbing his stomach slightly. Her heart was still beating viciously and she was trembling slightly from the shock. Casey looked towards April, smirking slightly.

"Hey Red" He chuckled, flashing a grin. April huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes. She could feel her heart beating beneath her as she kept glaring at the vigilante in front of her, totally packed with his hockey sticks and even his mask.

"Don't scare me like that! " April called out, taking a deep breath to calm herself down and turning around again, ready to walk away when the same hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Wait up Red!" He called out and turned her around against her will. "It wasn't that scary right? I just wanted to surprise ya" He said. April sighed and took Casey's hand and dropped it with a loud sigh. She had no right to be angry really.

"Let's just get out of here" April said after a while, turning around and walking towards the door at the end of the hall. It was the door that led to lab part of the facility. Somewhere she wasn't even allowed to go to.

"What's in there?" Casey asked, pointing towards the door where April was standing. The red-haired teen sighed slightly and pointed to the obvious sign that hung on the door, clearly 'Lab' written on it. Casey chuckled as he took a step towards the door.

"Wicked…." Casey mumbled and reached for the door, ready to open it already when April slapped his hand away. "What?! I wanna look?" Casey yelled, whining slightly and looking over to April.

"Forget it Jones, I'm not even allowed to go in there" She explained, slightly guilty from hitting Casey that hard. "Besides I just want to get out of here, this place is creeping me out at night" A smirk crept on Casey's face as he once again reached for the door, but this time opened it.

"No way red" He grinned, opening it further to peek inside. "Besides, I'm the one driving so I decide when we leave" He added with a smirk and fully walked inside, reaching for the light and turning it on. April sighed and walked into the room too.

"And I'm really starting to doubt if I should let you drive" April said, scanning the room too. Despite her fear of being caught, it was pretty amazing. "Where are the turtles anyways, I couldn't reach them either?" April whispered as she read the various signs on the doors.

"You don't know?" Casey frowned, raising a single eyebrow. April looked towards Casey and shook her head, indicating she didn't know. "They went to the park….." Casey said and immediately April's face fell as realization hit her.

"You mean, it has already been a whole year?" She whispered. A few tears appeared in her eyes as Casey slowly nodded. They didn't need words to know what Casey meant. It had already been a whole year since Mikey had died.

The last time they'd seen him, or found something that belonged to him was at the park in New York, so it was to be expected they would go to the park to honor his death, as much that could be honored. Her turtle friends had taken the death of Mikey hard, and they weren't the same ever since.

They were living their lives again, but the death of their baby brother was still fresh in their mind, and they never really overcame that loss. It took them a few weeks to even function normally again, and after that, life just went on.

Casey never got to know her youngest turtle friend. He died before Raph met him, just 2 weeks after the Kraang invasion. Casey came into their lives like a month after, and was one of the reasons why Raph was acting normal these days.

Of course, even after a month Raph was still mourning over the death of his baby brother, but it was less. And just as they thought he was going to be okay, his pet turtle Spike was mutated and betrayed him.

His brothers and him barely survived Spike's attack, but afterwards Raph was getting worse again. He always talked to Spike. And now he wasn't there anymore, and even betrayed him, and that hurt him a lot. And if it wasn't for Casey, he would probably still be sulking.

"Wait Casey!" April suddenly yelled, running towards Casey as he was trying to open a door. "I'm not allowed to go in there, my boss strictly forbid me" She said with a serious tone, Casey looked confused for a second but then chuckled.

"And do you even know what is in this room?" He asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking slightly.

"They said something about their most precious experiment" She informed him. "But he also told me that if I would ever look I'd lose my job. Let's just go" She said, tugging Casey's arm to get him to move, but Casey didn't move, instead he just grabbed the door handle again.

"Most precious experiment, and you never checked?" Casey smirked as he slowly opened the door. "Ladies first" He said, gesturing for April to go inside. April sighed, she knew there was no arguing with him, and to be honest, she was really curious after all.

The door wasn't locked, but it was only able to open it from the outside, so whatever animal was in the cage, couldn't escape. And you could only open it from the inside with a special key, which they obviously didn't have.

April slowly stepped into the room. It was completely dark so the only light came from the hall. She quickly glanced back and saw Casey blocking the door with his hockey stick, so it wouldn't close and enough light fell into the room.

There was a dark figure in the corner of the room, far away from the door. The chains were clearly visible and somehow April felt her stomach twisting. Nobody deserved to be locked away like that.

Slowly she took another step and froze. More light shined into the room, showing the green skin of the creature. Her breath hitched in her throat and she slowly shook her head. She recognized him immediately, the plastron, the shell.

The freckles that dotted his face. She took another step, looking closer towards the creature. Dirt was covering his green skin, scrapes and bruises decorating his skin. Chains around both his wrist and ankles, connected to the wall. And the worst of all, the muzzle on his face.

Another hesitant step was made and his body tensed, never looking up but April could see the clear trembling. She took another step and slowly the creature looked up. The baby blue eyes filled with so much fear April could feel her stomach turn again. She couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"…M-Mikey…?"


	2. Chapter 2

She took another step and slowly the creature looked up. The baby blue eyes filled with so much fear April could feel her stomach turn again. She couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"…M-Mikey…?"

Her voice trembled as she said those words, tears already threatening to spill. It was real, from the moment she saw him she knew it was real. She had no idea how, how he was still alive, but she knew he wasn't her imagination.

Slowly April took another step towards the scared mutant, and immediately a loud and animalistic hiss escaped Mikey's mouth, muffled by the muzzle around his face and he scrambled backwards. Pressing his shell against the far corner as hard as he could.

"Red?" Casey whispered hesitantly, not sure what he was seeing. He never met the young turtle so it was obvious he wouldn't recognize him, but he saw a mutant turtle in the giant cage, just like Raph, Leo and Donnie.

"It's him Casey" April whispered, not taking her eyes off Mikey. He was huddled in the corner of the room, hugging his own chains and staring wide-eyed at April, tears brimming in his eyes. They almost seemed to glow in contrast with his dirty skin.

"Stay here" April whispered, quickly glancing to Casey, gesturing him to stay back. Mikey didn't know him, never met him, and he was obviously petrified by them, even April. The red haired teen took another step, and with no way out, Mikey hissed again.

Again a low animalistic hiss, normal turtles would let out once they were threatened, escaped Mikey's mouth. And it hurt April to see Mikey like this, so animalistic. She was so happy to see Mikey alive, in a way, but it hurt her to see him with all the scrapes, the chains, the muzzle, and the hurtful eyes.

"It's okay Mikey. It's me, April" April lowly whispered, slowly extending her hand towards Mikey. The mutant began to shake even more, clearly scared. His shell was tightly pressed against the iron wall, and his eyes filled with tears already.

"You don't have to be afraid Mikey, no one is going to hurt you okay?" She continued, taking another slow step. The trembling never stopped but Mikey stopped trying to get away, staring at the approaching teen fearfully.

April expected him to do something, hiss again, cry, and in the worst case attack her, but he seemed to be frozen as April slowly extended her hand. She was so close, after a whole year she was just inches away from her little brother.

"Don't be scared" She whispered as she carefully, very carefully pressed her fingertips against Mikey's giant hand. His blue eyes immediately disconnected from hers and he looked downwards, staring wide-eyed at the human hand.

Slowly he tilted his own hand, taking April's hand in between his own hand, softly squeezing it. It didn't hurt, far from it, she barely felt any pressure, and Mikey was obviously not intending on hurting her, which was a good sign.

Her breathing was soft and calm while her heart was beating, but she remained silent as Mikey slowly squeezed her tiny hand. The tremors in his body increased every second but no more fear was shown, and when the tears began to fell she knew why he was trembling.

He slowly looked up, looking directly into April's eyes as he carefully placed his free hand on top of April's hand, so her hand was between Mikey's hands. There was fear in his eyes, and deep within she could see all the horrors that he had faced, but there was also recognition.

"It's okay Mikey, nobody is going to hurt you" She whispered, slowly reaching out for Mikey's face. And even though Mikey was clearly beyond terrified, he allowed April to touch his cheek. Very slowly not to startle him.

"You are safe Mikey" April whispered, slowly stroking Mikey's cheek with her thumb, like she would always do if Mikey would get upset. A weak nod came from Mikey and he slowly leaned forwards, and it wasn't until his head hit her chest, she understood what he was doing.

"It will be alight Mikey, I promise" She whispered as she wrapped her arm around Mikey's shell, carefully drawing him closer but not forcing him because she knew that would be the last thing she would want to do, if she didn't want to freak him out again.

Mikey was shaking in April's arm and Casey was silently watching as the youngest brother of his mutant family cried his heart out.

TMNT

Mikey was still crying in her hold, and honestly she didn't want to disturb him but she knew it would be better if they would get Mikey out of here as soon as possible. Get rid of the chains, the muzzle, clean him and feed him, but most importantly call his brothers.

"Mikey" She whispered, slowly tipping up his chin. The young mutant whimpered slightly and it was clear he was debating whether to pull away or not from the touch but chose the latter. "We are going to get you out of here, do you think you can walk?"

Her voice was quiet and full with hurt as she looked over his body. He didn't seemed to have any obvious injuries. Some bandages were wrapped around his underarm and legs, but apart from that there were no serious injuries.

But Mikey nodded nevertheless. For a second April turned around, gesturing for Casey to step forwards before turning towards Mikey again. And even when Casey did a few steps, even though they were slow, Mikey was clearly freaking out again.

"It's okay Mikey, he's my friend, and Raph" Upon mentioning his brother's name Mikey's head shot up again, watching over to April. Casey continued to move, but even he was smart enough not to touch Mikey right away. Casey lowered himself, not to freak him out and glanced towards Mikey.

"I'm Casey" He offered. Mikey didn't know where to look and was obviously becoming very nervous but after a few seconds nodded tiredly, indicating it was okay, and Casey was allowed to help him. Casey looked over to April before they both carefully hovered him up by his arms, not making any sudden movement.

The chains were still around his limps, and so was his muzzle but that was something they couldn't do something about right now, and they had to look after that once they were home. Mikey's legs were bugling beneath him, obviously out of shape but he carried on nevertheless.

"Is your car close by?" April whispered over to Casey as they left the lab. Mikey was struggling to keep up with them but made no sound at all, no whimper, no cry, nothing.

"Just outside, nobody will see" Casey answered before glancing down to the small turtle. It was all true what April had told him about Mikey, he was smaller than the rest. The brilliant blue eyes, the freckles on his face and the child like appearance. Even if his eyes held a different story.

Casey opened the front door with his free hand and they walked outside. A huge shiver wracked through Mikey's body but they continued walking, and just like Casey said his van was parked just a few meters away from the entrance.

It was some kind of courtyard, only there was one road that you could drive on to get to the main road, and luckily that was on the other side of the building, so no one could see the two teens carrying along Mikey.

Casey's van was almost similar to April's father's party wagon, only cheaper, and black and green colors instead of all the colors on Kirby's van. Casey opened the backdoor and helped April to get Mikey into the van.

"I'll lock up for you" Casey offered with a small grin, looking over to the distressed turtle. April mouthed a silent thank you as she gave him the keys. Casey closed the door behind him and April and Mikey were alone in the van.

"Here, you must be freezing" April whispered and took off her jacket, folding it around Mikey body. The freckled turtle merely shrugged and drew his knees up to his chest, folding his arms around them, almost impossible because of the chains around them.

April sighed slightly and carefully wrapped her arm around him, first testing if he was okay with it, but it was like Mikey's mind was completely numb, not even noticing everything around him. She reached for her pocket with the other hand, taking out her phone.

She quickly dialed Leo's number and placed the phone against her ear, waiting for him to pick up. She knew she had tried just an hour ago, but this time it was important, really important. She closed her eyes when she got his voicemail and directly dialed Donnie's number.

But as expected Donnie wasn't answering too. "Donnie, call me back whenever you hear this. It's important" She finished her call and hang up. The next number was something she had never called before and was only for emergencies only, but figuring this was one she called anyways.

She placed the phone onto her ear again and waited again. She grumbled slightly when not even Master Splinter answered her call, and placed her phone in her pocket again. They would call back when they would get home, right now they had to look after Mikey.

"Where do we go Red?" Casey quietly asked as he sat down behind the steering wheel. April's head shot up, not realizing Casey had even entered the car, and apparently Mikey had the same thing as he crept somewhat closer to April.

"My house" She whispered. "They aren't answering and my aunt is out of town for 3 more days anyways, besides, he'll be more comfortable" She added, gesturing to Mikey. Casey gave a short nod as he started the van and drove off. Taking Mikey with them.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't a long drive towards her house but it seemed like it. Mikey was completely silent the whole way, not surprisingly with the muzzle still on his face, but he made no attempt to do anything, he was just deathly silent the whole time.

Staring blankly towards his knees. Nervously clawing his own fingers and shaking in fear. They needed to stay low the whole time, so nobody would see them carrying around a giant turtle. And once they reached her apartment they had to wrap him tightly in her jacket, but him getting seen was still a big risk.

Luckily, nobody was out on the streets and they carried him inside without any problems. The way towards the living room was just as slow as their way to April's home. Mikey's knees and legs were almost giving out, the sudden strain being too much but he refused to give in, and every time they offered to carry him, he let out the same hiss again.

"Casey, go to the kitchen and find something to cut these chains with" April ordered as they settled Mikey on couch. She slowly untangled the jacket from his body and gave him a blanket, but still there was no reaction from Mikey and April had to fold it around his body herself.

Casey nodded and walked off to the kitchen. April sighed and rested a comfortable hand on Mikey's knees. Immediately Mikey jerked backwards, letting out another animalistic hiss in fear, scrambling away.

"Easy Mikey, I would never hurt you" April coed, raising her hands in a sign of defeat. "Casey will get something to cut those chains and your muzzle, okay?" She asked but as expected, no response came from and looked away, closing his eyes in fear.

"I know you've been through a rough time Mikey, and you are probably scared" April started, slowly Mikey opened his eyes, glancing over to April. "I can't say I know what you are going through, but you have to know I am here for you" She continued, flashing a tiny smile.

But once again, no response came from him, not even the slightest one. She sighed slightly and grabbed her phone again, looking if someone had called her, but as expected there was none. Just when she needed them most, they weren't available.

"I think.. this will do the job" Casey said, walking inside of the room again, carrying a large scissor specially designed for cutting chains and thick wires. A low whimper escaped Mikey's throat as he laid eyes on the giant scissor and he started trembling again.

"Don't worry Mikey" April said, shuffling closer to Mikey as Casey walked over to Mikey. "Casey will cut the chains okay? He won't hurt you" Mikey seemed to doubt for a few moments but nodded his head faintly in the end, tears appearing in his eyes again.

Casey nodded towards April and she carefully grabbed the chain that was connecting his ankles and wrists together, and Casey easily cut through them. Mikey whimpered in fear and turned his head towards April.

"Just a little longer, you're doing great" She whispered and wrapped her arm around him. She carefully grabbed his wrists and presented them to Casey, who cut through those too. Red and angry marks revealing themselves. And in some places there was even fresh blood.

His wrists were covered with scars, all from struggling against his chains. The texture of the chain drilled into the skin, sweat, dirt and blood covering it. Scars and open wounds finishing it. April gasped at the sight, covering her mouth with her shaky hand.

"I'll get the first aid kit" She said and ran towards the kitchen. She couldn't believe it… that someone would do that to him. Chain him up, muzzle him and hurt him. There were scars all over his wrists, and who knows how long they had already been there.

Casey didn't say anything as he cut through the chains around his ankles, revealing the same markings that decorated his wrists, but now around his ankles. And they only indicated how tight they had been around Mikey.

And how much he had struggled to get loose, every day, and every night. Trying to break free from his captivity, from all the people who would do things to him, things Casey didn't even know, and probably didn't even want to know.

"Last one" Casey said as he took off all the chains and put them aside and standing up, moving towards the back of the couch to cut Mikey's muzzle. It was strapped to his face by chains, and it was obvious it had been there for a very long time, just like the chains.

The muzzle fell off immediately after Casey had cut through the chains. Mikey gasped slightly and opened his mouth slightly, and directly closing it. Casey expected a reaction, a thank you, a question, but nothing came out of his mouth.

"I can't believe it" April whispered as she hurried back to the couch, sitting down next to Mikey again with the first aid kit. "Those bastards! I can't believe they did this" She said as she opened the kit, revealing all the medical stuff.

She grabbed some water and used that to clean his wrists. Mikey's face was filled with pain as April cleaned his wrist but nothing came out of his mouth, he wasn't struggling or protesting, just allowed April to clean his wrists.

And not even when April began to disinfect the wound did he cry out, protest or pull away. And in a way, it broke April's heart. Mikey had never handled disinfect well, none of them did, and now being practically immune to it, only indicated how much worse he had endured.

None of them said something while April continued to clean his wrist, disinfecting them again and wrapping them up eventually, before going to his ankles while Casey helped whenever she needed someone to help her. And still Mikey made no sound at all.

"Talk to me Mikey, anything" April whispered as she was done with his ankles. She hated how quiet Mikey was, she understood he was scared, she understood he had been through a lot, but she couldn't understand why he wasn't saying something, anything.

Mikey didn't even look up, or responded in any way upon April's comment, and kept on staring like he had done the whole time April and Casey were treating him. April bit back a single tear that was threatening to spill and turned towards the bandages around Mikey's underarms.

She carefully touched them and started to unwrap the left one. A low hiss of pain escaped Mikey's mouth as April unfolded the bandages and immediately April felt a sting of guilt through her for hurting Mikey and she immediately wondered what was beneath it.

She gasped in horror as the arm was presented. It was terribly swollen and red. Needle marks all over his underarm, too many to count. She felt so bad for him right now, who knows what they had been injecting him with and for how long.

"Don't worry, no one will hurt you ever again" April whispered as she saw the fearful look in Mikey's eyes and reached for something to cool it down with. The tension left Mikey's body slightly as April carefully applied it over the swollen area, and April winced slightly as she felt the rough and warm skin.

After she was done she wrapped his arm in clean bandages again and turned towards his other arm. She had expected more needle marks, but there were none. Instead there was a long diagonal cut, sewed together by stitches.

"Oh Mikey" April whispered as she carefully placed her hands on top of the wound. The cut was perfectly diagonal, and the stitches were perfectly done and she knew directly what happened to him, they cut him open for research. And she could only hope he wasn't awake during it.

Scientists, or whoever did this, stitched it up nicely and there was nothing more April could do other than bandaging it again. The other two bandages, on either leg, carried the same long scar, with the same stitches sewing the skin together. And again, April couldn't do anything besides bandaging it.

"That's all I can do for now Mikey, do you need anything?" She whispered as she stood up. So many emotions flashed over Mikey's eyes but he kept completely silent. No word, no movement, no look. "I'll get you some water and food, you can eat it if you like" She offered, ready to walk to the kitchen when suddenly her phone rang.

She cursed inwards as she realized she had her sound still on, and her loud ringtone beamed through her house. Immediately Mikey shot up and stumbled towards the corner of the room, curling up inside a ball. Tears were immediately streaming down his face, his eyes wide with fear.

"Casey help him calm down" April said as she quickly pulled out her phone, seeing Donnie's picture on the screen. She groaned slightly, she should've turned her sound off, Mikey was scared out of his shell, he couldn't handle all the noise.

"April what's wrong?!" Donnie yelled on the other side of the line when April placed her phone to her ear. April winced slightly and turned around to look at Casey and Mikey. The teen was now slowly walking towards Mikey.

"I'm okay" April tried to assure him but obviously Donnie didn't buy it, and before she could even explain herself Donnie started yelling again.

"You called the cheese phone April, is someone following you again, the Kraang, Karai, Shredder…." Donnie stopped mid-sentence and there was a short silence before another voice cut in. "Sorry April, Donnie just freaked out, what's wrong?" Leo's voice sounded, obviously more calm than Donnie was.

"It's okay…I promise I won't hurt you, no one will" Casey said, trying to come close to Mikey but every time he tried Mikey let out another hiss, louder and more threatening now his muzzle was gone, and April couldn't contain a shiver, it scared her, even if she knew Mikey would never hurt anyone, the hiss scared her.

"April, whose with Casey?" Leo asked unsure. Another loud hiss came from Mikey, another failed attempt to reach him.

"Look Leo, something happened. Can you just come to my house now? It's important." She said, biting her lip slightly. She couldn't just tell them Mikey was here. They would freak out, or not believe her, besides what would they even think. On the other side she could hear Leo sighing.

"We are on our way, give us three minutes" Leo said and then he hang up. April had no time to reply before the line went dead. Immediately April threw her phone on the couch and turned towards Mikey, who was still shaking in the corner of the room.

"Mikey" April called out, a little louder than she had intended, but it caught Mikey's attention. "It's okay, it was just my phone, no one will hurt you" She said in a low tone and kneeled just a meter away from Mikey, as far as Mikey would let Casey go.

Another hiss turned into a chocked sob as tears continued to flow down his face, mixing with all the dirt on his face.

"Come here Mikey, you know I will never hurt you" She coed and stretched an arm towards him. "You can have some food and something to drink if you want" She added. A flash of uncertainty washed over his face when April mentioned the food and Mikey's mouth opened for a second, before closing it immediately.

He turned his head away in shame and that's when April slowly shuffled closer until she engulfed Mikey in a big hug. The freckled turtle allowed her to hug him and fully fell into April's hold, burying his face in April's chest.


	4. Chapter 4

"I just don't get it Red" Casey sighed as he came into the kitchen again, carrying a glass of water and some crackers. Casey placed the plate of food on the table and handed April the glass of water. Mikey was back on the couch again, after April had calmed him down enough.

He was freaked out, completely freaked out. And only by her ringtone. And that only made her wonder more, what happened to him? What did they ever do to him? She knew her boss was lying when he told her no animal would get hurt, but Mikey was simply terrified. So whatever it was, it must've been bad.

"It's nothing personal Casey, he doesn't know you" April responded as she handed Mikey the glass of water, who accepted it with shaky hands. "He just met you, and he doesn't trust anyone" She explained. Mikey slowly lowered the glass and looked away again, April noticed.

"You don't have to drink if you're not thirsty, whatever they did to you, or forced you to do…" She stopped mid-sentence as Mikey began to shake again, fear building up in his chest again. April wanted to grab the water from Mikey again, thinking he didn't want it anymore but he hissed just as April went to grab it.

"Easy Mikey" April called out, slightly afraid by Mikey's threat. "No one will take it away from you if you don't want to okay? You can have as much as you want" Slowly Mikey's face softened, and the hateful eyes were replaced by his usual ones, full with fear.

A slow nod came from him as he brought the glass up to his mouth again, slowly taking a sip of the cold water. A short flash of relief washed over his face, and he hummed slightly in satisfaction as the cold water slipped down his throat

He nervously glanced from April to Casey before taking another sip, and within seconds the glass was empty. April smiled slightly when she saw the empty glass and looked over to Mikey himself.

"Do you want another one?" She whispered. More uncertainty flashed over Mikey's eyes, and he eventually shook his head slowly, but April could see he wanted more. "It's okay Mikey, Casey will get you some more" She said with a small smile and handed Casey the glass.

Mikey's head slowly lifted up and he looked over to April, his eyes locking into hers. She knew he was too afraid to ask, that his captors probably never allowed him to ask anything, or he simply couldn't do it. They had to be very careful with him.

He was scarred and afraid. Every noise could set him off, every touch or movement could freak him out again. April was about to speak again when she heard the familiar tick on her window again. She almost jumped up but managed to contain herself for Mikey.

"Stay here" She said and stood up. "Don't worry, your brothers are here, don't be afraid" She whispered as she noticed how Mikey grew tense again, feeling more persons around the house. She nudged his shoulder lightly before sprinting towards her room, and as expected they were already standing on the roof, in front of her window.

"Hey guys" She slowly said as she opened the window. Leo, Raph and Donnie all stepped into her room, shaking slightly from the cold, they were all dripping water from the rain outside. And despite the situation, she laughed and threw a towel towards each one of them.

"Hey" Leo said as he quickly dried himself before fixing his gaze on April. "So.. what happened?" Leo asked straight to the point, his voice low as a flash of worry was shown on his face, trying to determine what could have happened to April.

"Sit down first" April said and gestured to her bed. They were hesitant for a bit but eventually sat down. "I don't know exactly how to tell you this…. Well… you know I work in that lab here in New York right?" She asked, sitting down too and drawing a big breath.

"Yeah, and you know we hate that" Raph growled, which earned him a violent jab in his side by both Leo and Donnie. April nodded slightly, she knew they hated her work, even though they supported April, but they all knew what scientists would do to them once they would get captured.

"Well, today Casey picked me up but you know him and… we went to the part of the lab that I'm not allowed to go to and…" She stopped for a second, taking in another deep breath. "We found Mikey guys, he's alive" The moment she said it, everyone went quiet.

The three brothers were all exchanging glances, unsure about April's statement. They had moved on with their lives. Mikey was dead, and even though they were still mourning about him, they had move on, it couldn't be. He couldn't be alive.

"Alright, that's it" Raph growled and stood up, walking towards the window. April immediately jumped from her chair and ran towards the window too, blocking Raph's way so he couldn't pass through her window, they couldn't leave now.

"Raph listen to me, I'm not joking!" She screamed, pushing Raph in his plastron, but not hurting him. "I don't know how he's still alive but he is, and he's in my living room right now" She exclaimed, narrowing her eyes to show she was really meaning it.

"Is he really…?" Leo said with a shaky voice as he stood up, looking towards the living room, but was unable to see anything due to the angle. April sighed and took a step towards the guys and nodded. Tears brimming in her eyes.

"He is, but he's scared guys" A single tear rolled down her cheek. "He's scared of loud noises, voices, touches, anything. I don't know what they did to him guys but I'm not sure if I wanna know" She finished. Tears were threatening to fall but she held them back.

"Calm down April" Leo soothed as he wrapped his arms around April. "We will fix this okay? Everything will be alright" April sobbed slightly. That was the same thing Leo told her when she heard the news, that Mikey was really dead. And she would never see her youngest brother again, up until now.

"Can we see him?" Donnie whispered, breaking up the hug. April sheepishly pulled out of the hug and dried her tears before turning towards Donnie and nodding. Raph was frozen, unable to process what he had just heard, while Leo and Donnie were shocked.

"Yea" April nodded and walked towards her door. "Just be careful with him, don't make any sudden movement, and don't touch him when he doesn't want to" She instructed before leading them to her living room, remembering the last time she did.

Mikey was still sitting on the couch, with the same fearful expression on his face, and Casey was sitting on the edge, closely watching Mikey but not being too close. April slowly stepped inside of the room, together with Leo, Raph and Donnie.

They stopped when their eyes landed on Mikey. He was really alive. All those months, all the time they thought he was dead, every day they had cried and missed their little brother, he was alive. And they had abandoned him all this time.

They all wanted to run towards him, hug their little brother but his fearful expression stopped them, the bandages, the sweat and the dirt covering his body. Donnie gasped In horror and brought his hand towards his mouth, tears forming in his eyes.

"You're alive" Leo breathed out, unable to say anything more. Mikey's head slowly lifted and looked Leo directly in the eyes, his baby blue eyes trembling with fear. Rap hesitantly stepped forwards, his knees buckling beneath him but he pushed past the feeling. All that mattered was Mikey.

"Oh Mikey, what did those bastards do to you?" Raph whispered. He was angry, his blood was boiling but in some way he couldn't let it out. He could only stare towards Mikey, his stomach turning painfully every time he trailed his eyes along the bandages.

He had no idea who this did, but he knew that if he ever saw them, they wouldn't be leaving alive. He would make them pay and there was no denying that feeling, but he couldn't get angry, not now, how much he wanted to, all he could see was his scared little brother, alive.

Raph was the first one to move towards his little brother. His steps slow and sloppy. A loud and threatening hiss escaped Mikey's mouth as Raph neared him, and Raph immediately froze, looking over to Mikey with sadness in his eyes.

He couldn't believe Mikey was actually hissing towards him, sure they were turtles, and they had all hissed before but never this violent, not towards another brother. It was filled with so much fear, fear for his brother approaching him, but also anger.

Slowly Raph kneeled in front of Mikey, just inches away from him, while Mikey kept his teeth bared, but Raph could see he was terrified. He was trembling and he was clawing his own hands, trying to look strong.

"Mikey it's me" He whispered, his voice cracking slightly. It couldn't be true, Mikey was dead, they saw the blood, his broken weapons, they never found him, they even 'buried' him without his body, and yet he was right in front of him, inches away.

"Is it okay if I…..? " Raph trailed off, his voice quivering. Slowly he raised his hand, bringing it towards Mikey's knee. The freckled turtle was looking at the hand, following every action as Raph neared his knee.

Nobody dared to say anything as Raph slowly placed his hand on Mikey's knee. A violent shiver went down Mikey's spine and his head shot up, looking into Raph's eyes. Tears formed in Mikey's eyes as another shiver wracked down his spine.

"Don't cry" Raph cracked but tears were threatening to spill too. He was real, it was Mikey. He knew it, he just knew it. Mikey's lip began to quiver and he slowly and faintly nodded, shaking heavily. His hands were shivering and tears were building up.

Raph slowly stood up, not wanting to scare his little brother and sat next to him. Mikey never moved away, he tensed slightly but never turned away from his older brother. Raph spared no second and wrapped his arms around Mikey, carefully.

Mikey was tense in his hold but not even a second later he completely relaxed, falling entirely into his hold and crying in Raph's plastron.

"I'll never let you go again Mikey, never again" Raph whispered in Mikey's ears, pressing him closer to himself. Donnie slowly stepped towards Mikey and Raph, unsure what to do. "Is it okay for Donnie to come?" Raph whispered as he looked over to Donnie.

Mikey slowly nodded in Raph's arms but he kept holding onto Raph, too afraid to let go. Raph nodded towards Donnie and the purple banded turtle made his way over to Mikey, resting his hand on Mikey's shoulder.

Mikey shakily turned towards Donnie, his tears still streaming down his face. A small nod was the only thing Donnie needed before he wrapped his arms around Mikey's fragile body, squeezing it slightly. He was back, he didn't know how but at the same time he didn't care, his only little brother was back with him.

"What are you waiting for Leo?" April whispered as she walked up to Leo. Tears were streaming down his face as he watched his 3 little brothers hugging each other, faint smiles on their faces while Mikey had his eyes squeezed shut, afraid, disorientated and confused.

Leo shrugged slightly, wiping his tears away. April sighed slightly and then wrapped her arms around her mutant friend, pressing her face against Leo's plastron. "Thanks April" Leo said as he pulled April closer, stroking her hear slightly.

"That's what family's for, now go" She said, grinning slightly and almost shoving Leo towards Mikey. She stepped closer to Casey. He wrapped his arm around April, drawing her closer while Leo made his way over to Mikey.

He sat down next to Donnie and wrapped his arms around him, resting his hand on Mikey's familiar shell. They stayed quiet for a long time, nobody saying anything and hugging each other. Mikey crying in between them, burying his face in the hug and eventually passing out from exhaustion.


	5. Chapter 5

It took him a while to realize, all of them. Raph felt Mikey pressing against his plastron but he was too busy, his mind spinning as he hugged his sleeping brother. He had been near depression when his little brother died, he was so close.

There was so much blood, just too much. And he would never forget the look on Donnie's face. Full of horror and sadness, and without words they knew they had been too late, that he had broken the promise he had made so long ago, to protect his little brother.

"Raph" April's voice suddenly sounded, snapping him out of his trance. A cold hand was on his shoulder but he immediately recognized it as April's. A chocked hiccup came from Raph's throat as he wiped away the tears with his hand, while the other one was still holding Mikey.

And only then he realized his little brother had his eyes shut, the trembling had stopped but he was still twitching slightly. His breathing was shallow but steady, indicating he was asleep. Leo's arms were wrapped around Donnie, while they were both silently crying but smiles on their faces.

They were faint, and the smile was mixed with tears of both relief, confusion and horror. Mikey was alive, just inches away and they all knew they were never letting him go again, but the bandages and his emotional state freaked them out, he was so scared that he wouldn't even let Raph touch him at first.

Hissing like some kind of animal, an animal they had all vowed not to be. The animal they were all struggling to hide. But they also knew, that no matter how much human knowledge and traditions they had, most humans would always consider them animals, and right now his captors had managed to turn him into that.

"G-Get something warm… a blanket or somethin'" Raph said, trying to hide a shiver as he pulled out of the hug. Mikey's eyes were closed but he was far from peaceful, moaning in his sleep slightly and occasionally twitching.

April was the first one to react as she sprinted out of the room, returning seconds later with her pillow and blanket. Leo and Donnie stood up from the couch but Donnie kept holding Leo's arm tightly, afraid to let go, as April placed the pillow on the couch.

"Thanks April" Raph whispered, he'd curse himself for his weak voice but right now he couldn't care less. He slowly took the back of Mikey's head, holding him like a baby as he slowly lowered him on the big pillow. A flash of relief crossed over Mikey's face at the feeling of the soft pillow.

"What happened to his arms?" Donnie whispered as Raph placed the blanket on top of Mikey's form, placing Mikey's arms on top of it, knowing that he never liked to have his arms under the blanket if he would get injured or sick.

"The chains did" April said in a low voice as she walked over to Mikey's sleeping form, kneeling and picking up his right arm. She carefully un-wrapped them to show the damage they had done. The blood had been washed away already, and now all that was left were the scars and the tender flesh filled with healing wounds.

"I'm going to kill them" Leo hissed as he saw the full extent of his injury. April sighed and re-wrapped them again, very carefully as Mikey began to stir in his troubled sleep, trying to fight April off but failing miserably. His exhausted body simply not allowing him to.

"Don't Leo. He needs you right now" April whispered as she reached for his other arm, undoing the wrappings around his under-arm, revealing the large surgical scar. "He got the same on his legs, and his other arm is full off needle marks" She said, hiding the scar under the bandages again.

"What did they do to you baby bro?" Donnie whispered, walking over to Mikey and stroking his cheek slightly. Mikey whimpered under his touch slightly but showed no sign of waking up. April placed a comfortable hand on Donnie's shoulder.

"it will be alright Donnie… Mikey will pull through" April said, leaning towards Donnie and resting against his plastron. Donnie sighed and drew April closer, not really noticing what he was doing himself. He could only focus on Mikey, and the troubled look on his face.

TMNT

Raph's hands were firmly around Mikey's small hand, not daring to let him go. He never left his side, not in all these hours. April had offered them to stay at her house, something they had gratefully accepted, Mikey wasn't ready to be moved yet.

He was out cold and the sudden change in environment wouldn't do anything good. And he needed his rest, he was clearly beyond exhausted so waking him up was no option either. But April had assured them it was no problem, and they could stay until her aunt came back, which was in 3 days.

April, Casey and Donnie had been the first to sleep, so Leo and Raph could take the first round of watching Mikey. None of them wanted to leave Mikey alone but April and Casey wanted to give his brothers some time alone, and Donnie was already exhausted from staying up late the previous night.

Of course he wouldn't admit it, and it took them a lot of convincing until he agreed to sleep. For the past 4 hours they had watched Mikey. Both of them never leaving his side. They listened to every silent whimper Mikey would let out, every twitch and every flash of horror that crossed his face in his sleep.

"We failed him Raph…. He suffered all this time" Leo whispered after 4 long hours of silence. Raph slowly lifted his head, taking his eyes off Mikey's sleeping form but never letting go of Mikey's hand. Raph wasn't surprised to see the usual guilt in Leo's eyes.

He had seen that look so many times in his life, too many times for his liking. Every time one of them would get hurt, or sick, or anything at all happened to one of his brothers, he would go crazy and blame himself.

Every scratch, every bruise he blamed himself for. No matter how someone got it. Even when it was their fault, Leo blamed himself for not protecting his brothers, and right now his eyes were filled with that same look, and for once Raph couldn't object.

They did fail him. They left him for death. Not even thinking for one second he could be alive. Never wondering where the body was, or why Shredder would even do such a thing. And even Raph was suffocating himself with the guilt.

Raph bowed his head in disgust, closing his eyes painfully. "I know" he breathed out, not knowing what he could possibly say. No matter how you twisted it, he failed, failed to protect his little brother from getting hurt, had broken his most important promise.

Before any of them could say anything Mikey suddenly stirred in Raph's hold, gasping and trashing with his arms. Immediately Raph and Leo jumped up, concerned for their little brother. Raph tightened his grip on Mikey's hand.

"Calm down Mikey, you're safe" Leo whispered, placing a hand on Mikey's forehead to calm him down. But Mikey continued to trash, trying to pull his arm away from Raph and trying to fend off Leo's hand, failing miserably.

Suddenly Mikey shot up, immediately withdrawing his arm and hugging it close to his body. His plastron was heaving, trying desperately to get it breathing under control as fresh tears rolled down his face. His hands were clawing at his skin, gritting his teeth slightly.

He was trembling and shaking and slowly his fingers trailed towards his wrist but froze when he touched the bandaged instead of the chains. He hissed slightly when he felt the familiar pain shooting down his spine as he touched or moved it but he tried to stiffen it.

"Mikey?" Raph whispered, watching his little brother with great concern. Mikey's head shot to the right, staring wide-eyed at his two brothers. Immediately another hiss escaped his lips and he scrambled backwards, threatening to stay away from him.

"Easy Mikey… it's me, Raph" Raph whispered, raising his hands as a sign he wouldn't hurt Mikey. Uncertainty was written on Mikey's face and he was baring his teeth, warning them not to come closer but after a few seconds he loosened slightly and his lip starting to quiver.

He lowered his head in shame as a sob past his lips. Raph slowly moved towards Mikey, hesitating slightly before wrapping his arms around Mikey's shivering body. And again Mikey allowed him, burying his face in Raph's plastron.


	6. Chapter 6

When they pulled out once again, Mikey had stopped crying. Only the red eyes indicating he was ever. He was avoiding any eye contact, too ashamed or just too scared to do so. Raph and Leo exchanged some glanced, both not entirely sure what to do. After a while Leo stepped forwards.

"Mikey.." he softly called out, placing a hand on his shoulder carefully, smiling slightly when Mikey didn't pull away. "If you need anyone to talk about what happened… you have to know where are here for you, you'll never be alone again" He offered.

Mikey slowly nodded, indicating he understood but never even tried to open his mouth. Instead he kept his lips sealed, staying completely silent. Again Leo and Raph exchanged a quick glance, out of all of them, Mikey was the one to talk the most.

Before he disappeared he never knew how to shut up, and would drive anyone crazy in the lair, but right now he wasn't talking, not the slightest word or even attempt to talk. And that worried the brothers a lot, and it only indicated how badly Mikey was hurt mentally.

"Mikey" Leo started after a few moments of silence. "Do you… do you trust us enough to take a bath, I'm sure you'll feel better once you get rid of all the dirt." He explained, gesturing to all the dirt and dried blood on his arms and legs, not to mention the smell.

A flash of true horror crossed his face and within seconds he was heaving again. His eyes were wide and he was desperately trying to clutch to either Raph's or Leo's hand. Raph took Mikey's hand and started to squeeze it slightly.

"Easy Mikey" Raph whispered, stroking Mikey's hand like he would always do to calm him down. "Nobody is going to hurt you, we'll do it like always, you can lean against me okay?" Raph continued, looking towards his little brother.

"I promise Mikey, as long as I'm breathing no one will ever hurt you. Ever." Leo assured his little brother, nudging him close. Mikey whimpered slightly but eventually nodded his head, indicating he was okay with Raph and Leo bathing him, although there was still doubt in his eyes.

"Alright squirt, let's get ya cleaned up" Raph called, trying not to sound too harsh for Mikey as he stood up, offering Mikey a hand. His little brother was hesitant for a while but eventually reached out for his older brother, taking Raph's hand.

Leo threw Mikey's arm over his shoulder, while Raph took the other one and together they carried him towards April's bathroom. If there was one thing that April had pointed out it was that they shouldn't do anything Mikey didn't like, and one of that being carried around.

So even when Mikey's legs were buckling beneath him, struggling to take even the slightest step, not Raph nor Leo attempted to lift Mikey up. The freckled turtle was panting but carried on nevertheless, never even complaining.

After a short walk they reached the bathroom and the brothers slowly took Mikey inside, not bothering to close the door, figuring Mikey could feel trapped because of that. Leo untangled himself from his little brother and walked over to the large tub, turning on the warm water, but not too warm.

"Alright Mikey, just relax okay?" Raph whispered as he slowly took Mikey to the tub, that was quickly filled with hot water. Leo took over Mikey so Raph could slip into the tub himself. The water was the perfect temperature, and Raph couldn't contain a smile himself.

With sloppy movements Mikey climbed into the tub, Leo needing to hold him while he did so, but even the slightest attempt to lift Mikey earned him a hiss already. Eventually he was in the tub and slipped fully in the water, against Raph's plastron, both sitting straight up.

Mikey had his eyes closed and he was shivering heavily, from the fear. "I think he has a bad experience with water" Leo whispered towards Raph as he picked up a soft sponge. "Mikey, I'm going to wash off the dirt okay? Just tell me when to stop" He said, hoping Mikey would actually start talking, but Mikey nodded again.

Raph wrapped his arms around Mikey's fragile body as Leo carefully began to scrub his arms, avoiding the bandages. They stitches were waterproof but the bandages weren't, so they would need to be replaced afterwards.

They were silent as Leo's slowly brushed off all the dirt and dried blood on Mikey's body, revealing the sea green skin they remembered. Mikey whimpered slightly as Leo began working on his head and Leo quickly lowered the sponge.

"What's wrong?" Leo whispered, looking over to Mikey's eyes. "You don't like the water don't you?" Leo asked when he got no response from Mikey. The freckled turtle closed his eyes in embarrassment but slowly nodded.

"Don't be embarrassed little bro" Leo said gently as he tipped Mikey's chin up. "I won't soak it in water, so there won't be too much water, is that okay?" And again, instead of talking Mikey nodded again, the same slow and slightly hesitant nod.

Leo sighed and squeezed most of the remaining water out of the sponge. Whatever they did to Mikey wasn't something good. He always loved the attention, he loved when they gave him a bath but right now he was terrified, for the water to be precise.

Leo shook his head and just continued to wash all the dirt off his little brother, and by the time they were done it was almost like he had never been gone. Apart from the bandages at least. Leo helped him out the tub and wrapped a towel around him, drying him.

"That wasn't that bad" Raph said as he dried himself with another towel. Mikey didn't respond and just looked away when Leo dried him, they did it so many times when they were young, and occasionally when they got older, if one of them would get sick or hurt, but right now Mikey was obviously not comfortable.

"Let's change those bandages okay?" Leo asked as he placed a comfortable hand on Mikey's shoulder. Immediately Mikey tensed and his head shot around, but he could contain a hiss when he saw it was Leo. He relaxed slightly and another slow nod came from him.

Raph and Leo exchanged some glances before they both took one of Mikey's arms, helping him with walking. Mikey's head was lowered as they walked him towards the living room again, settling him on the couch. Raph sat next to him and gently grabbed his right arm while Leo grabbed the medical kit.

"Don't be scared little bro. He won't hurt ya" Raph whispered in Mikey's ear as Leo slowly un-wrapped the wet bandages around his wrists. Mikey started trembling again and he buried his face in Raph's plastron, whimpering slightly but never withdrawing his arm.

He was scared, trembling in Raph's hold as Leo replaced the bandages with clean ones. Never daring to look at the wounds on his arms. Only whimpering whenever Leo touched them, even the slightest touch. Leo swallowed painfully when he replaced every bandage.

April was right about the needle marks, and they seemed to be everywhere on his arm. The area swollen and red, and clearly very sensitive as Mikey whimpered every time Leo touched it, even if it was a very faint touch.

"All done" Leo said and smiled slightly. Mikey slowly lifted his head, revealing the tears streaming down his face. He swallowed uneasily and seemed to doubt for a second before a faint smile appeared on his face, which disappeared not even a second later.

"I think that's enough for today" Leo said when he noticed the tiredness lingering in Mikey's eyes. Mikey nodded slightly and looked down. Raph got the message and stood up, helping Mikey lay down and tugging him in carefully.

A sob escaped Mikey's lips and he quickly turned around, his shell towards Leo and Raph. Raph wanted to reach for him, comfort him but Leo stopped him and shook his head. Mikey needed this, some time alone without anyone interfering.

They were lucky Mikey accepted their help, figuring everything the had gone through, but they couldn't push him, not now. Raph seemed to understand this and nodded sadly, glancing towards his little brother.

"Why won't you talk Mikey?" He whispered, unable for Mikey to hear.


	7. Chapter 7

He couldn't sleep. They had expected him to sleep, but he couldn't. He was exhausted and he had been up for so long right now, but still he wasn't tired, not enough to sleep anyways. All he could think about was the abused form of his little brother.

His presumed dead brother. It had been a full year already, a full year of missing him, being the only one of the 'B team' And he had missed his only little brother every second of that year, Every day he had woken up, and every night that passed. but in a way he had accepted it.

He learned to live with the silence, the mood around the lair which had changed so much the last year. It was never the same without Mikey's laughter. The sound of him playing video games or the screams that echoed through the lair when Raph was chasing him, again.

He missed every single noise of it. And he would die just to hear it one more time, anything. A cry, a laugh, even a single word would mean the world to him, but they never granted him that, his little brother, Mikey. He left, without being able to make any noise.

Shredder had brutally slaughtered him, the whole park had been covered in blood. And right then he had cursed his medical knowledge. He knew how much blood someone could lose, but the amount of blood that was on the grass, mixed with Mikey's nun chucks, it was too much.

There was no questioning he had bled to death. Shredder had sent Mikey's shattered mask, along with his gear the next day. All were stained with blood and the last cries of his little brother. He still had the CD. The disk that held Mikey's last cries.

So many times Donnie had played it, how much it hurt him. The cries were full of pain, and they eventually died out. Blood could be heard, the blood they found in the park. There was just so much, and even the rest knew there was no way Mikey had survived. But he listened to it, just to hear Mikey's voice again.

The cries were the last sounds his little brother had ever made, up until now. He didn't believe it when April told him. Mikey had been dead so long, he had given up already, he had accepted it but then everything changed when he saw his little brother, sitting on the couch.

It couldn't be real. His little brother had died, but yet he was there, sitting right in front of him and hurt. Fear written all over his face. He had no idea what had happened to him, but he knew it was all his fault. They had left him, without checking the blood was his.

He groaned slightly and sat up, looking around the room. He was lying on a mattress in the spare room in April's aunt's house. On the other side of the room was Casey, fast asleep. His mouth was partly open and he was snoring slightly, his arm covering his eyes.

Slowly Donnie brought his three-fingered hand to his face and rubbed his eyes. He sighed slightly and eventually stood up, tying his mask around his head and walking outside, he hadn't even bothered to take his other gear off during the night. He couldn't get any sleep, even if he wanted to.

Using his ninja training he walked outside the room without waking Casey, and walked towards the living room. Leo and Raph were sitting on chairs next to the couch, both sad expressions on their faces. Tears lingering in their eyes but far from falling.

"How is he?" Donnie whispered as he approached his brothers. Leo and Raph both lifted their heads slowly. The troubled looks on their faces already said enough, but honestly he wasn't expecting something else. Mikey's mind had been shattered, he was mentally broken.

"He woke up half an hour ago, and we cleaned him before he went to sleep again." Leo said shortly, not even bothering to lecture Donnie about waking up, before returning to the sleeping form of Mikey again. Sweat was trickling down Mikey's head and his face was contracted with pain but the dirt and blood was gone.

"He was terrified Don, I think they did something with water" Leo added after a few seconds, his voice pained as he remembered the terrified whimpers of his little brother. Donnie sighed and walked over to the couch, sitting on the edge. Carefully he placed his hand on Mikey's forehead.

His head was a bit warmer than normal but for now that wasn't something they were worried about. Mikey whimpered in his sleep, tossing slightly and trying to get the hand away but he kept sleeping, never awakening.

Suddenly Donnie's head shot up. "Has anyone called Splinter?" He whispered, his eyes wide when realization hit him. Leo and Raph seemed to have the same reaction, their eyes widening with fear and disbelieve. They had forgot about their own father.

"I can't believe it..." Leo hissed and immediately grabbed his t-phone. "I'm such a horrible.." Leo said, mentally beating himself up when Raph put a hand on his shoulder, shaking his head slightly. Leo glanced over to Raph, trying to keep his emotion in check.

"Don't think about that Leo... just call him right now" Raph said, turning towards Mikey. "He needs to see him too, right now" Leo nodded slightly before quickly dialing his father's number and calling him. Mikey's whimpering died out a little but Donnie never pulled his hand back.

He felt so bad for his little brother, the moment Donnie first saw him, he knew he was terrified. His baby blue eyes were filled with fear and his body covered with blood and dirt. His arms and legs bandaged and he was afraid. Every touch and every sound freaked him out already.

Donnie and Raph watched how Leo quickly left the room, his t-phone pressed against the side of his head, waiting for his dad to pick up. Leaving Donnie and Raph alone with their sleeping brother.

"Why won't he talk Don?" Raph whispered once Leo was gone. Raph's head slowly lifted, revealing his tear-stained eyes. Donnie could feel his stomach turning painfully. He noticed his little brother hadn't talked the time they had seen him.

But hearing he hadn't talked at all when he was gone, hurt him. He allowed Raph and Leo to bathe him, he trusted his brothers to touch him and yet, he never spoke. Not even a single word escaping his lips, trying to say something, or asking for something.

"I don't know Raph… " Donnie sighed in defeat. He had absolutely no idea why Mikey wouldn't talk. Mikey trusted them, he knew he did. But for some reason, Mikey didn't want to talk, or he wasn't up to it yet. And he didn't want to talk just yet.

"Do you think… they did somethin' to him, like cutting out …" Raph stopped mid-sentence and looked away. He couldn't think about it. The possibility of his baby brother never being able to speak again, it scared him. And he had no idea how it would affect Mikey himself.

But they could've done it, to end all the screams he was letting out. Just cutting out his tongue, or his voice box so he would never be able to scream or talk ever again. They could do whatever they wanted to do, without having to listen to his cries for the sweet relief, begging to make the pain go away and leaving him alone.

"I don't think so" Donnie whispered, slowly revealing the neck of Mikey. "He doesn't have any scars on his neck and ….he still has his tongue" Tears appear in Donnie's eyes and he quickly covers his little brother with the blanket, who immediately grabbed it, curling his body around it but still not waking.

"So why won't he talk Don? I don't understand" Raph said, totally lost. He wanted to hear his voice again. He wanted to hear the familiar laughter of him, or the taunts he would always make. He would even be happy with a single world, anything.

"Raph, whatever happened to him…. They dissected him, and chained him. He has been in that lab for a whole year. Experimented on, cutting into him and studying him…" He swallowed tickly, a lump forming in his chest, his heart painfully beating against his plastron.

He just couldn't believe someone would do something like this. He couldn't believe someone could be so ruthless, chaining and muzzling him. They dissected him, and Donnie didn't even know if he was awake or not during the process. And he couldn't imagine the pain his little brother went to, both physical and mental.

"And we left him for death… he waited for us all this time" Raph almost screamed but contained himself for Mikey's sake. His fingers were bailed into tight fists, his knuckles turning white and tears streaming down his face. He had left his baby brother, left him for death.

He had been so devastated by the death of his little brother, that he didn't think about the possibility he was still alive. He too listened to the CD that was sent to them, and even he didn't think that Mikey could still be alive. Mikey was counting on them, hoping for them to come every day, but they never did.

Shredder had burned his body, at least he said that. And not even Donnie checked if the blood was Mikey's, and suddenly all became clear. It wasn't Mikey's blood, not all of it. Raph gritted his teeth. Mikey suffered because he'd been too lazy, too lazy to check if it was Mikey's blood, or why Shredder would do such a thing.

"Don't cry Raph" Donnie whispered as he wrapped his arms around Raph's shoulder, squeezing slightly. "Mikey will get better, it isn't your fault" Raph whimpered slightly and burrowed his face in Donnie's plastron, trying to hold back his tears, but they kept flowing. How much he hated it.

Donnie swallowed tickly again, forcing his own tears back. His grip on his immediate older brother tightened slightly, pressing him tighter against his plastron. In the other room he could hear Leo talking to his father in Japanese, but he was too busy with Raph to notice what he was saying, and eventually the conversation ended.

"Sensei is on his way, he'll be here in a few minutes" Leo said, walking into the room again. Donnie looked up to Leo but Raph kept his face burrowed in Donnie's plastron. The purple banded turtle didn't seem to mind, Raph needed someone to hold onto now, not that he would ever admit it.

"We should wake before Sensei gets here" Raph suddenly said, pulling out of the hug. He carefully wiped his tears away, trying to act like it hadn't happen. Leo nodded slightly, understanding. If father would come, he would want to see Mikey, awake and alive. And suddenly waking him would only frighten him even more.

Raph nodded back before carefully walking over to the sleeping form of his little brother. His shell was still towards them, his arms were folded around the blanket, clinging to it like his life depended on it. Raph carefully placed a hand on Mikey's shoulder, nudging it slightly.

"Mikey, buddy?" He whispered, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't startle him. Mikey whimpered slightly in his sleep, stirring slightly but not waking up yet. "You have to wake up Mikey, dad will be here soon, you want to see him right?" Raph said, trying to get Mikey to wake up.

He nudged his shoulder again, harder this time. Mikey's eyes flew open and he let out a frightened sound, a mix of a hiss and a scream. He turned on his shell within seconds, scrambling backwards and bringing his blanket up to his plastron, trembling and his eyes wide with fear.

"Mikey?" Donnie whispered, walking up to his little brother and lowering himself, so he wouldn't frighten him too much. Slowly the big baby blue eyes trailed from Raph to Donnie, watering in the process. Tears staining them. Mikey's plastron was rising and falling quickly, way too quickly.

His mouth was partly open, trying to suck in all the oxygen he could get. None of them said anything, Donnie only staring at the terrified look on Mikey's face and his trembling form. They did so much to him, things he didn't even know yet, but he knew they did things. And it honestly made his blood boil with anger.

"Mikey, don't be scared please" Raph whispered as he painfully watched his brother heaving with fear. He carefully stood up again, reaching out for his little brother slowly, just as they did the previous night. Raph's fingers were shaking, his eyes focused on Mikey's eyes.

"It's …" Raph started, trying to comfort him but was unable to finish. His hand neared Mikey and suddenly a loud hiss escaped Mikey's lips, harder and more scared than ever, threatening his older brother and with one swift movement he shot up, jumping towards Raph and knocking him backwards.

Raph let out a small grunt of pain when his shell was forced into the glass table behind him from the force. A loud shattering sound rang through the whole house and Raph's shell hit the ground with a loud bang, glass being crushed beneath it.

"Mikey what are ya….?!" Mikey growled dangerously and bared his teeth, pressing his thumbs against Raph's neck and applying pressure. Raph's face flushed with fear, feeling the oxygen being cut off. His hands tried to take Mikey's hands off but the grip was too strong, Mikey was too strong.

He gasped, trying to take in the oxygen but he couldn't get any. Mikey's eyes were narrowed with determination but fear was present too. The same fear that would be in his eyes after a nightmare, or after a dangerous attack, but it was way worse this time. He was absolutely petrified.

Tears were starting to leak down Mikey's cheeks as he continued to press against Raph's throat, every second a little bit more pressure. Raph was clawing at Mikey but his baby brother wouldn't let him go, and slowly Raph could feel his limps giving in to the loss of oxygen and his vision was slowly starting to get black.


	8. Chapter 8

He was screaming as loud as he could. Screaming and begging for them to stop, to let him go, free him and let him get back to his brothers. His voice was raw from all the screaming, his lungs burning and telling him to stop, but he continued to scream, screams that were broken by the muzzle strapped to his face.

The chains were cutting into the back of his head, but nothing could prepare him for the pain that was yet to come. He was strapped down on the operation table. His legs tied down by thick leather straps and his arms next to his side, his underarm being presented.

A large line had been drawn with a marker on his left arm, and he knew what was coming. He was trashing as hard as he could but the straps were preventing any movement in his limps. The only thing he could do was smash his shell against the table, trying to get loose, but all his attempts were in vain.

Thick tears were rolling down his cheeks as they approached him. 2 men and 1 woman. They all wore lab coats and a cap in front of their mouths, and none seemed to pay attention to the cries, begging for them to stop, they were only focused on the fascinating creature in front of them.

He knew what was coming, but never could he have been prepared for the pain. Even when the tip touched his skin, pain shot through his body. His shell was slamming back and forth on the table, screaming into the muzzle, pain washing all over him.

An animal, that was all he was in their eyes. They never gave him a sedative to ease the pain, not even a local one, nothing to take the edge off. The scalpel easily sliced into his skin, cutting open his whole underarm, blood oozing down.

"Animal"

"Filth"

"Freak"

Tears continued to stream down his face, it hurt, it hurt so much but none of them cared. They carefully placed pins in between the cut, forcing the two sides apart and presenting the insides. He wanted to gag at the sight. He could see his own bone, the muscles and tissue protecting it.

Hands were nearing him, touching and feeling the exposed flesh. He arched his back on the table again, squeezing his eyes shut as he let out another icy scream. His muscles were burning, his whole body aching, and pain clouding his mind. The images of his brothers were the last thing he saw before he blacked out from the pain.

TMNT

A low groan escaped his lips. He could feel hands around him, helping him up but the only thing he could focus on was the burning pain in his throat. He opened his mouth slightly, sucking in as much oxygen as he could, immediately followed by a violent couch.

"Easy my son" Splinter's voice cut in. Raph's face was crunched up with pain and he winched slightly. He felt himself being lifted into a sitting position and a glass being pushed against his mouth. Raph groaned and fluttered his eyes open, looking around in confusion.

His father and Leo were next to him, supporting him and keeping him up while Casey and Donnie were carefully cleaning up the shattered glass in front of him, and April was holding a glass to his lips, urging him to drink. Raph took a deep breath and took the glass from April, slowly drinking it.

The cold water eased the burning sensation in his throat slightly but the pain never left him. Leo had tears in his eyes as he reached for the glass, putting it aside and handing Raph 2 ibuprofen, to ease the pain in his throat.

"What… happened?" Raph rasped as he swallowed the pills without any water. Leo and Splinter both took an arm and helped Raph with sitting on the couch. Raph winced slightly and leaned with his shell against the couch, looking around.

"Do you remember that Mikey… attacked you?" Leo carefully began. Confusion washed over Raph's face but then realization hit him. He did remember it. The terrified expression in Mikey's eyes, mixed with so much anger and confusion.

The expression he wore when he was strangling him, and the shaking form when his thumbs pressed against his throat. Raph winced again and slowly brought his fingers up to his throat, feeling the warm and slightly swollen area.

"He tried to strangle you, luckily we got him off but you already blacked out. Casey and April came in because they heard the noise and Mikey fled towards April's room afterwards" Leo explained. Raph gazed down, he couldn't believe Mikey would do such a thing.

He wasn't blaming Mikey, far from it but he just wanted to know why. Why he would attack him and trying to kill by strangling him. Raph brushed his fingers against his throat and winced again, Mikey's grip had been so fierce, he would've killed him if Leo and Don hadn't helped him.

"He isn't letting anyone in the room, we've tried but he starts to hiss every time we enter." Tears appeared in Leo's eyes again, still clearly remembering all the threats that came out of his little brother's mouth, daring them to take just one step further.

"How long… was I out after.. ya know..?" Raph asked, unable to find the right words. He still couldn't believe his baby brother would try to kill anyone. He never killed in his life before, never. And right now he was ready to kill his own brother.

"Around 10 minutes, you came by a few minutes after father arrived" Leo said, looking away slightly. Raph looked down again and nodded slightly. The eyes, the eyes that always held such joy and laughter, they had been filled with so much hatred and fear.

He could still remember how they narrowed every second a little bit more. Tears leaking down his cheeks as he stared right into his own eyes. Hatred, the eyes were filled with hatred and all joy had been washed away, crushed under his captivity.

"Let me talk to him" Raph suddenly said. He slowly helped himself up, swaying slightly on his feet. Leo wanted to open his mouth to protest but Raph shook his head. "He hurt me Leo, he wasn't trying to kill ma.. well he was but he was scared" Raph explained, rubbing the back of his neck slightly.

"Look Leo, he was terrified when I approached him, he only tried to defend himself. You should've seen his eyes" Raph continued as he looked over to Leo. Raph sighed slightly. "I doesn't matter what you say Leo, I'm gonna talk to him" Raph said and was ready to walk away.

"Wait Raph!" Leo called after him. Raph stopped for a second, looking back to his older brother, expecting a lecture or anything. "Good luck" There was a faint smile on his face, and Raph returned it, nodding slightly before walking over to Mikey's room.

TMNT

Slowly Raph opened the door to April's room. The room was completely dark, all the light had been turned off. Raph opened the door a bit more, allowed light to shine into the room. Carefully he looked into the room, trying to find his baby brother.

"Mikey, ya there?" Raph whispered, taking a cautious step inside. He found his baby brother huddled in the corner, on top of April bed. His knees were drawn up to his chest and he was hugging them tightly. His eyes were wide with fear and he was looking directly towards Raph.

"Hey Mikey" Raph said in a low tone, taking another step inside the room. Mikey tensed visibly but never threatened his brother to go away, which was a good sign. Raph slowly walked over Mikey, stopping at the end of April's bed and waiting patiently.

None of them said anything, both looking at each other for a few moments. Slowly Mikey turned his head away from Raph, facing the wall next to him and lowering his head in shame, tears appearing in his eyes and slowly streaming down.

"Don't be ashamed Mikey, I'm okay" Raph whispered, seeing the guilty look on his little brother's face. Slowly he climbed on top of the bed, scooting over to his younger brother. He stopped when his shoulder quickly brushed against Mikey shoulder but when Mikey didn't pull away he carefully wrapped his arms around his younger brother.

Mikey made no move to snuggle close to Raph, but he didn't pull away either, allowing his older brother to hug him. Raph didn't dare to move, he wanted to press his little brother closer, comfort him in any way possible but he knew that wouldn't be good, and it would only frighten Mikey more.

"Don't be sorry Mikey.. I should be fer scaring ya" Raph said, carefully wiping away the tears on Mikey's face, but new ones quickly replaced them. "Listen Mikey.. I don't know.. uhm.. if ya ever want to talk about what happened…" Raph cautiously brought up after a few silent minutes, not sure how to tell his baby brother.

"I know ya have been through a lot, and no one is expecting ya to forget it… but ya gotta know that we're her for ya bro, you can always talk" Raph could feel Mikey starting to tremble in his hold upon mentioning his captivity, imagines filling his mind again.

Raph felt a twinge of guilt and carefully reached for Mikey's hands, taking them in between his in an attempt to comfort him but Mikey immediately tensed up again, slapping Raph's hands away and pressing his shell tightly against the wall.

Raph's eyes widened when he saw Mikey's frightened reaction. He looked absolutely terrified, his teeth showing, and completely ready to use them if Raph would do anything else. His whole body trembling with fear and his shell painfully pressed against the wall.

"Mikey… I'm sorry. I should've known… don't be scared little bro" Raph tried, attempting to reach for him again but stopped when a terrified hiss escaped Mikey's lips, his teeth bared. His eyes were now filled with absolute terror, but also guilt and doubt, whether to attack him or not.

And Raph immediately knew he had blown his change with Mikey. He slowly moved backwards a little, creating distance between him and Mikey. The youngest turtle kept watching him, ready to attack him if necessary, but Raph kept his movements slow.

"I'm sorry bro.. I'll leave now, but I'll bring ya some water and food soon okay?" Raph said. Mikey's eyes lit up a bit when Raph mentioned the food but that immediately disappeared afterwards. Leaving the same eyes, filled with doubt, fear and uncertainty.

He had always been the stubborn one, but right now Raph knew he should be leaving. If he ever wanted Mikey to trust him fully again, he shouldn't press him. And Mikey's eyes were clearly asking him, begging him to leave. He was scared and confused, and Raph fully understood. He had been there for a whole year, at the mercy of those ruthless scientists.

Slowly Raph slipped of the bed, walking over to the door again. He walked outside and grabbed the door, slowly closing it while looking at his little brother, who was now rocking back and forth slightly, crying his heart out in utter silence.


	9. Chapter 9

His body was aching so much, every time he tried to move pain would shoot down his spine. The cuts were treated but nothing was done to ease the pain in his body, his arm was throbbing so much, even after 2 full days it would bring him pain every time he would move it.

Tears were leaking down his face, his eyes red and puffy from everything. His throat was raw and hurting so much. He hadn't had any water for more than 2 weeks, 2 weeks he had been here already, and he wanted nothing more than to get out.

He wanted to go home again, hug his brothers and be safe. But importantly to get rid of the pain and humiliation. He was chained, muzzled and vivisected. Just a month ago he had still been home, celebrating their defeat on the Kraang, and it looked like it was already years away.

He could only remember the cold cell he was in the whole day, the chains wrapped around his limbs and the muzzle that was strapped on his face the first week already. His body was still with bruises from all the beating he had gotten.

He had begged them every day, pleading for them to let him go, and every time they would hurt him again, threatening him to shut up for once. And the second week they had muzzled him, permanently. Not matter how hard he'd struggled, he couldn't get the muzzle off his face.

He didn't understand why his brothers weren't coming, they were looking for him, he was sure they were. But they weren't here, not yet. Not even after several weeks, they left him in the lab on his own, they left him with the scientists.

No, they wouldn't, they loved him. They would never leave him, they'd come for him. But they didn't, not yet. They were looking for him. He was sure they were, they would never stop looking. They would be here any day, and they would rescue him, get him out and go home safely.

But they didn't, not even for a whole year, and every day he lost hope. Every day they would drag him away, cut him open again or study him. They would strap him down almost every day, and if they didn't they left him alone in the cold cell, writhing in pain and crying for his brothers to come.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and they never came, and he couldn't help but to think they'd forgotten all about him. They never looked for him, tried to contact him, they didn't find him, not in all these months, and he had just given up.

His eyes snapped open when the door was opened again, two man stepping inside. He whined behind his muzzle, crawling into the corner and pressing his shell against the wall in utter fear. They would do it again, they would drag him away and cut him open again.

The two men didn't say anything and just walked over to him, both grabbing an arm and hovering him up, detaching the chains with electric pads. He whimpered slightly as he was forcefully dragged along the white halls. He struggled softly but he was just done.

His body was empty, scars littering his body. The muzzle had been on for so long, he couldn't remember the last time he had eaten something, they would always feed him through the needles, and keep the muzzle on every day, and every night. He was just too tired to struggle.

Within seconds he was strapped onto the operation table and he could only whine in protest, struggling to get out, despite knowing the attempts were futile. He never got out, not anytime in the past few months, and he could only wait for the pain to end, screaming and pleading for them to stop.

He dropped his head to the side. He knew what was coming. He glanced down to his arm, and was surprised they hadn't removed the bandages already. They would always cut open his original wound again, and it hurt. They would never give him something against the pain, it would only mess up their results.

"Prepare the scalpels" A shudder went through his spine. He didn't like it, he didn't like his voice, never had. His eyes snapped open when he felt his legs being touched, soaking them in alcohol. They couldn't, they wouldn't, but his blood ran cold when he felt lines being drawn on his legs.

The straps around his ankles were tightened and extra ones were placed over his knees, keeping him in place. They were approaching him, coming at him but they never touched his arm again, and before he could process what was happening, his shell was slamming against the table with incredible force.

He screamed against the muzzle, thrashing and flailing his limbs as hard as he could, it burned, it burned so much. They were cutting into his legs, one at each leg, drawing the same line as his arms, long and slow, agonizing pain washing all over him.

He was getting used to the pain in his arm, it was still so extremely painful, but he managed to keep conscious, he was bearing the pain, but nothing could've prepared him for this pain, it worse, double the pain he had ever felt. They were poking his muscles, taking samples of his bones, touching his bleeding flesh.

A strong hand was placed on his plastron, pushing him down to prevent him from slamming his shell one more time. His eyes widened. He recognized the hand, the green skin, the three fingers. His head snapped up, pain washing away from his body, suddenly feeling numb.

He was staring into the sea blue eyes, the same that would always be filled with compassion, and concern, were now filled with nothing. They were emotionless, his older brother didn't even flinch, holding him down without mercy as his brothers continued to cut into his legs.

He wanted to cry out again, asking why they were doing it but he could only stare at his brothers. Their hands holding the scalpels, his legs cut open and bloody. Blood all over their hands, his blood. And they looked at him, there was no regret in their expressions, they enjoyed hurting him.

TMNT

Soft snores were coming from his older brother, but somehow he couldn't find any reason to sleep. He wasn't tired, but he had nothing else to do so he just lay there. A blanket was placed on both him and Leo, keeping them warm while they slept.

It had already been a full day since they had brought Mikey back home. They managed to give Mikey food, but none of them had been able to touch him, or even near him again. Only opening the door of Mikey's room to give him some food and water, occasionally asking if he needed anything else, but every time Mikey shook his head.

Leo was now sound asleep, his mouth partly open and soft snores coming from his mouth. April was in her aunt's bedroom, sleeping in her aunt's bed since Mikey was still occupying her bedroom, refusing to get out of the room, and too scared to do so.

They had found him in the evening, under the blankets and fast asleep, thrashing slightly against his blankets, whimpering in his sleep but never awakening. And they had decided to let him, he needed his rest, he needed to accept what had happened to him.

Donnie and Casey were in the same room as April, both occupying the two spare mattresses and Splinter in the spare room Casey and Donnie had used the night before. And with nowhere else to go, Leo and Raph decided to sleep on the couch. Leo had been out within a few minutes, having barely slept in the last day, but Raph had taken a nap so he wasn't tired himself.

All he could think about was the scarred body of his youngest brother. The animalistic hisses he would less out, threatening them, making sure they would keep away. He was just so afraid, and he refused to talk about what happened, he refused to talk at all.

And it broke Raph's heart. Mikey had always been the one to talk, in fact he could never be quiet, but right now he was just deadly silent, the only sounds being his muffled cries and the hissing. No word came from him, and he had no idea why he wouldn't talk.

Raph froze when suddenly a loud whimper came from April's room, and Raph immediately knew it was Mikey. Without waking Leo up he scrambled upwards a bit, until he was sitting his shell against the couch. He closed his eyes for a bit, trying to make out the noises.

Mikey was clearly whimpering and thrashing around, probably a nightmare. Raph was about to stand up, check if he was okay when an icy scream tore from Mikey's throat, filling the whole apartment. Raph could feel his whole body draining from blood, leaving him cold on the couch.

The scream was filled with so much hurt and fear. Raph shot up seconds after, completely ignoring the fact that Leo was waking up and dashed towards Mikey's room, restraining himself enough and slowly opening the door, not freaking Mikey out.

And what he saw absolutely broke his heart. Mikey was upright, sitting in his bed with the blankets still half on top of him. Sweat was trickling down his head and his eyes were wide with panic. Tears slowly appearing in the blue orbs.

"Mikey?" Raph's voice was so quiet but Mikey's head immediately shot up, tensing all over again. "Oh baby bro" He whispered. He wanted to hug him, run over to him and squeeze him, never letting him go but he knew he couldn't do that.

Slowly he took a few steps inside of the room. Being careful not to startle Mikey as he slowly made his way over to his baby brother. Mikey was watching every moment. His eyes still wide and tears pouring down his face, staining his cheeks.

"Don't cry Mikey" Raph cracked, slowly climbing on top of the bed and taking Mikey's hands. Massaging them and squeezing slightly. Mikey gazed down, refusing to look Raph in the eyes again, only watching how his hands were in between Raph's, his older brother easing them slightly, like he would always do.

"Was it a nightmare?" Raph whispered, glancing at the door as he noticed Leo and Donnie standing there, April, Casey and even Splinter behind them but none of them were even attempting to enter the room, all understanding it would only freak Mikey out.

Raph gave a short nod, saying it was okay before the door slowly closed, leaving Mikey and Raph alone in the room. The full moon the only thing illuminating the room, but it was enough to see Mikey's distressed face. Raph sighed and squeezed into Mikey's hands once more.

Slowly Mikey nodded, confirming it was a nightmare indeed. Again Raph sighed and gazed down for a moment. It was something they all knew was going to happen. They saw the scars all over his body, things happened to him and it was inevitable that he would have nightmares about it, bad ones.

"It's all good little bro, you're safe now. I won't let anything happen to ya" Raph said, tipping Mikey's chin up slightly. Mikey whimpered and struggled weakly to get out of Raph's grip and the red banded turtle immediately released him with a pained face.

Even that little movement, that little touch freaked him out already, and it hurt Raph to see him struggling against his own brother. He gave Mikey's hands a last comforting squeeze before very carefully pushing Mikey back on his shell, which he luckily allowed, and pulled the blanket up to his chin.

"I know you're terrified, and we don't expect you to tell anything Mikey, ya just gotta know we're here for ya" Raph said but sighed afterwards as Mikey turned his head away, biting his lip slightly and trembling in fear. "Sleep tight Mikey" Raph eventually said, standing up and walking towards the door.

It was obvious his little brother didn't want him here, he was just too afraid to have him around, and he fully understood that, He needed to accept everything that had happened to him. Everything he had gone through, without them being at his side.

Things happened to him in that lab. And they weren't there when it happened, they left him for over a year. He had been hurt by everyone he had seen in the last year, of course he wouldn't trust them. He wanted to reach for the door, open it and leave Mikey alone when a small voice stopped him.

"Raphie…?" Mikey's voice was raspy, raw and clearly unused, and so low Raph almost couldn't hear it, but it was there. He really spoke to him. His voice filled with uncertainty and fear. Raph immediately whipped his head around, looking into Mikey's eyes.

Mikey was still lying on his shell but was looking over to him, his arms trembling and watching him with his wide baby blue eyes. Tears were slowly starting to stream down. He didn't say anything else, but Raph knew that hopeless expression.

"You want me to… stay?" Raph whispered. He couldn't believe it, after a full year he was hearing his baby brother again. The same voice he remembered, extremely raw and clearly unused, but it was definitely his voice. His baby brother's voice.

Months he had missed that voice. The cheery and high pitched voice of his baby brother, always laughing and speaking excitedly, and right now it was raw and painful but Raph couldn't care less, he was feeling happy again, truly happy. Nights he had wished for this.

Wishing to hear that voice one more time. Anything would be good. A tiny word, a giggle, a complain, but they never granted him that wish, until now. He had always hated the nickname Mikey had given him. When they were younger he would love it.

It would make him feel special. The others always called him Raph, or Raphael but only Mikey was allowed to call him Raphie, but later on he grew to hate it, it was too childish, it didn't sound as tough as he wanted to be, and now he wanted Mikey to say it again.

A slow nod came from Mikey, tears still leaking down his face. He was beaming at him, his baby blue eyes filled with tears but hope and desperation, mixed with intense fear. Fear that he was trying to push down, but Raph could see it.

Raph slowly turned around fully, actually debating whether to go to Mikey or not but then a small smile crept on his face and he walked over to Mikey's bed, slowly climbing on top, his arm quickly brushing against Mikey, causing him to tense up.

Fear ripped through his body as he felt the faint touch but he forced himself to relax. Raph would never hurt him, he was his brother. And Raph wasn't about to let him go. The red banded turtle lay down next to Mikey's body and watching him closely.

Emotions were written over Mikey's face, doubt and uncertainty. He wanted to snuggle close to his brother, he really did but something was preventing him. Fear, memories, the nightmares. It would all start with them trapping him, restraining him and eventually cutting him open, breaking his bones, experimenting on him.

Mikey's body startle to tremble again and Raph carefully wrapped his left arm around Mikey's body, drawing him closer slightly. Mikey wanted to kick, scream, run, anything to get away from the suffocating feeling, he was forced closer against his brother, but with such kindness.

Something he had rarely seen with his older brother. Something he had missed for a whole year, someone to make him feel safe, care for him, let him free and let him do what he wanted, no chains and no muzzle. Raph's body was warm, and Mikey slowly moved a bit closer.

And for the first time in a whole year, he felt truly safe again. Raph would never hurt him, or let anyone hurt him. He never stopped crying as he curled up against Raph like he would always do when they were younger, burrowing his face in Raph's hold.

Raph carefully drew the blanket over both of them, tugging Mikey in again with his free arm. Mikey blinked a few times but relaxed when he noticed the warmth of the blanket surrounding him and closed his eyes again, nuzzling his beak against Raph's plastron and falling asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

He wanted this moment to last forever. Mikey was sleeping peacefully in his hold, as much as he could be peaceful. His face would sometimes crunch up with pain and fear, and sometimes he would weakly start to thrash but apart from that he was perfectly still.

His eyes closed and breathing softly against Raph's plastron. His beak almost touching the hard material covering his chest. Raph was watching his little brother in amazement and yet horror, glancing at all the scrapes that were still on his body, and the bandages wrapped around his arms and wrists.

He couldn't get himself to sleep, he was tired but ever since he had woken up some hours ago, he didn't want to fall asleep again. Watching his little brother closely, not daring to let him go anytime soon. Studying his face and his expressions.

He would make them pay, whoever did this to him, cut him open, chain him, muzzle and hurt him. He wanted nothing more than to rip out their throats, make them suffer and for once honor didn't matter, all that mattered was revenging Mikey's torments.

But for now he had to be there for Mikey. He was finally reaching out for them, seeking safety, and trusting them. And it warmed Raph that he was finally trusting him enough to be so close to him. Not shutting him out, and even nuzzling against him, he was still hesitant but even Raph couldn't deny his little brother was right next to him.

Slowly Mikey started to move slightly, whimpering and curling up more in his hold, burrowing his face in Raph's hold until even Raph was unable to see his face, only the slow whimpering indicating he was still here, and the warmth radiating from him.

"Easy little bro" Raph whispered and wrapped his arm a little bit tighter on Mikey's body. Immediately Mikey's head shot up, his eyes wide and staring at him, the strong arm around Mikey being the only thing preventing him from scrawling away.

When Mikey noticed it was Raph to pull him closer he relaxed slightly, lowering himself on Raph's plastron again but keeping his eyes open this time. And it pained Raph to see the same tears appearing in his eyes again, but not enough to let them drop.

Raph sighed slightly and wrapped his arm around Mikey again, carefully this time. And Mikey allowed it though never closing his eyes again. But he wasn't looking at Raph either, completely looking away from his older brother. They lay still for a few minutes and Raph only moved when he felt Mikey shifting beneath him.

Raph looked down when he felt something touch his neck, trailing along the rough skin. He hissed slightly at the stinging sensation and Mikey immediately withdrew his hand, guilt washing over his face as he looked away again. Raph slowly hovered himself up, so he could look better at his younger brother.

"Don't be Mikey" Raph whispered, he knew that look Mikey was giving him. He was blaming himself for his injury. For strangling him. "It doesn't really hurt, just sensitive, understood?" Mikey slowly looked up again, staring into his brother's eyes and slowly nodded, indicating he understood.

"Good" Raph said, smiling slightly at his younger brother before glancing towards the clock. It was already morning and he was sure Mikey was starting to get hungry, even he was feeling a little bit hungry and Mikey hadn't even touched most of his dinner, only a bit of his soup but the rest was still on his plate.

"Come on, you need to eat something" Raph suddenly said and carefully stood up, offering Mikey a hand. The younger brother hesitated, not accepting Raph's hand at first. Doubt, fear and guilt flashing over his face, and Raph immediately knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong Mikey?" Raph said, kneeling down so he was at the same height as Mikey, who was now sitting cross-legged on the bed. Raph forced himself to look at Mikey's face instead of all the cuts and bandages on his limbs, wrist and ankles, they horrified him but he didn't want to show Mikey.

"Are they….?" Mikey rasped, shutting his mouth the moment the words left his mouth. But Raph understood nevertheless. He was worried if his brothers were in the kitchen too. Raph sighed and grabbed Mikey's hands, squeezing them slightly.

"I think they are, but if you don't want them there I can ask if they leave." Raph offered, hoping Mikey would accept. It was understandable he wasn't ready to be confronted with all his brothers yet, and Raph had really expected him to nod, saying he indeed didn't want his brothers but instead he shook his head.

Raph couldn't contain the smile that was appearing on his face. Mikey was clearly scared about facing his brothers but he was determined to see them. "Yer doing good little bro" Raph smiled and held out his hand again, and this time Mikey accepted.

TMNT

Mikey was clutching Raph's hand as hard as he could, almost like his life depended on it as they walked into the kitchen. Mikey could feel the presence of his brothers nearing him. And it honestly freaked him out, being around so many people, even if there were only two.

None of them said anything as they entered the kitchen in April's house. Mikey tightened the grip on Raph's hand as he saw his brothers sitting around the table. Leo and Donnie on one side of the table, Both eating a simple breakfast, and both looking up when Raph and Mikey entered.

"Hey Mikey, Raph" Leo softly called out as Mikey did a few more steps into the kitchen together with Raph. But Leo also noticed the fear surrounding his brother's spirit, he was terrified, avoiding him most of the time. Raph nudged him slightly, giving him a comfortable squeeze.

"Hey" Mikey rasped uncertain, looking down immediately after that tiny word. And just with Raph, smiles spread among the faces of Donnie and Leo, hearing their baby brother's voice after all, it was raspy and clearly painful for him to use but it was his voice.

Mikey winced slightly and allowed Raph to lead him towards the chair, on the other side of Leo. He uncomfortably sat down and hugged his own arms close to his chest, unable to look up and face his brothers, gazing down in shame and fear.

"Casey and April are getting some groceries, do you want them to get something special?" Leo decided to break the silence, trying to assure Mikey that way. The freckled turtle slowly looked up, glancing over to Leo for bit but then nodded slightly, never opening his mouth again.

"What do you want?" Leo whispered, trying to get him to talk but Mikey merely shrugged his shoulders, gazing down again to avoid Leo's eyes, clearly not wanting to speak. And he should've known. Mikey refused to talk to them a whole day, not because he was mad, they all knew Mikey wasn't.

But he still refused to talk to them, though they still didn't know why, but now he had talked a bit didn't mean he would be talking all the time just like that, it would take time before he was the same again, and they had to be patient, allow Mikey to decide when he was ready or not.

Leo sighed slightly. "It's okay Mikey, if you don't feel comfortable you don't have to force or anything" Leo assured his little brother before standing up. "I'll make you some breakfast, you helping Raph?" Leo softly added, looking over to his immediate brother but then walking towards the kitchen.

Raph nodded a bit confused but followed Leo to the kitchen. He knew Leo was perfectly capable of making breakfast. It had always been Mikey's job, and they were honestly terrible at making breakfast but after Mikey had 'died' they all knew they had to do it themselves.

Their little brother wouldn't be making breakfast every day, he wouldn't be making dinner. Something he had always loved to do. Mikey was 'gone' so they had to learn to make breakfast themselves. All of them were able to make breakfast in a way, so there had to be a reason Leo wanted him to come with him.

"What happened last night?" Leo whispered as he reached for the refrigerator, looking for something he could make for Mikey. His voice was barely above a whisper, so Mikey wouldn't be able to hear their conversation, he didn't want to leave his brothers out, but this was something between Raph and him, and he would tell Donnie and Sensei later.

Their father had gone home after they had seen Mikey nuzzled close to Raph, and they had all seen how Mikey was slowly starting to trust them again, so Splinter had decided to go home again, to fetch some stuff from Mikey. When he 'died' they knew they had to sort out his room.

They didn't want to but it'd be too painful to be confronted with it all the time, so they had stacked all his belonging in boxes, planning on moving it elsewhere, but they never moved the stuff out, stashing it somewhere they wouldn't see it all the time. They couldn't do it.

It was the last thing they had, the last memory of their baby brother. They kept the bed, they kept the stuff in the boxes but never touching it. Only Splinter would sometimes reach out for Mikey's sketchbook. From all of his sons, Mikey was the only one to really honor his name.

His paintings were beautiful, and every time he found himself crying over the loss of his youngest son, seeing all the beautiful sketches and paintings Mikey would make. He wouldn't get mad, he wouldn't snap at anyone like his brothers would, he would draw to sort out his emotions, and they were absolutely beautiful.

April had gone through his stuff only one time, when they met Casey. At first they never told him about their lost baby brother, not even April, it was too painful to talk about that loss, and even though Casey knew something was wrong or missing, he never pushed it.

But after an encounter with Rahzar and Fish Face, they were forced to tell him. They had been taunting about Mikey's death, saying how they enjoyed hearing his screams as he slowly drowned on his own blood. The mutants barely escaped with their lives.

They were furious about it, and once they got home they all collapsed, mentally and emotionally exhausted. The memories of their baby brother crashing down on them again, the feel of failure, guilt, regret for letting him go out alone, and now Casey knew about Mikey.

It had been April to show Casey the pictures of Mikey. They had all collected it, all the pictures of Mikey and put them in a box. They didn't want to forget him, never in their life, but it was too painful to walk around the lair, seeing the huge smile of their deceased baby brother, only Splinter kept one in his room, next to the one of him, Miwa and Tang Shen.

Raph shook his head slightly, taking a deep breath and explained Leo what happened. How Mikey had woken up and how he was ready to leave when he noticed how terrified Mikey, but was stopped when Mikey called his old nick-name, practically asking him to stay.

Leo and Raph were quiet for a few moments, taking in everything Raph had said but then a small smile crept on Leo's face. It was still mixed with hurt and the same regret that had been in his eyes for months after Mikey's death but he couldn't deny the smile hearing how Mikey had reached out for Raph, like he'd always do.

"He trusts you Raph, you always had a strong bond" Leo smiled. "Even if you don't want to admit it, you two have always been close" He added, seeing at Raph was ready to protest. But even Raph knew it was true. They were so different, and yet they loved each other.

Of course the four brothers all loved each other equally, and they would all die for each other, but there would always be sort off 'preferences' no one favored one brother, but it had always been Leo and Donnie to be together, and somehow Raph and Mikey shared a really strong bond, despite being so different.

Mikey always viewed his older brother as a protector, and always came to him to feel safe. And right now it wasn't any different. He was seeking safety after all he had been through. Mikey had always felt safe in Raph's hold, it wasn't natural but the grip had always been strong and protective, and that's what he loved about him, and needed right now.

"He's still scared Leo….." Raph said, glancing back at Mikey. They all knew he had a long way to go before he could start to recover. But he was starting to accept them, seeking for help and that was saying he was starting to get better slowly.

"I know Raph… and I fear he'll always be. He has been there for a whole year, who knows what they did to him" Leo sighed, finishing up the sandwich he was preparing for Mikey. He gritted his teeth slightly, it was true, he had been there for a year, all alone. And if April hadn't found him, he would still be there.

"We have to make them pay Leo, everyone who did this to him" Raph hissed quietly, bailing his fists in anger. He didn't care what Leo would say about his decision, it didn't matter if Leo approved or not, he would kill them, all of them. He just hoped he did, they had to do this as a family.

"I know Raph, but not now…." Leo whispered, trouble flashing over his eyes. "I have to ask Donnie first… but I think it would be better if … Mikey would see them again, eventually" Raph blinked at Leo's statement, he wanted to scream at his older brother, asking him if he had totally lost his mind.

Bringing Mikey back to the place he had practically been tortured for a whole year, crying his guts out for his brothers and being completely terrified once he got back, but Raph couldn't bring himself to open his mouth. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't.

And with every silent second he began to change his mind. It was crazy what Leo was suggesting, and it could completely break Mikey down, but it could also help him greatly. Seeing the people who did things to him, but the other way around.

He wouldn't be the one being tied down, begging them to spare his life, or the pain. No, this time he would be the one to decide their fate, he could finally see they couldn't hurt him anymore. Raph slowly nodded, they could talk about this later, he was just glad Leo agreed with his plan.

They would make them pay, all of them. And despite everything father had taught them, not of those scientists were making it home again that night, Raph would make sure they wouldn't, ever again. In fact, none of them would leave the building alive.


	11. Chapter 11

When Leo and Raph returned to the kitchen again, together with a simple sandwich, they were greeted by this cute yet heart-breaking sight, and smiles crept on their faces. Donnie had placed his chair next to Mikey's chair and his forehead was resting on Mikey's forehead, both had their eyes closed.

Something they would always do when they were younger. Always when one of them was feeling nervous, or was feeling down the other one would press his forehead against the other and just sit still for minutes, sometimes even half an hour, until the other one had calmed down again.

And that was exactly what they were doing right now, their foreheads pressed against each other and Donnie holding Mikey's hands tightly, occasionally squeezing them slightly to assure or comfort him, and it warmed both Leo and Raph to see their little brothers interact like that, and Mikey finally reaching out for them.

"Hey Mikey, I bet you're hungry" Leo softly said, not trying to startle his younger brother but apparently that didn't work as Mikey immediately shot up, looking over to Leo with big and terrified eyes, his mouth twisting to let out another hiss, but containing himself when he saw it was his older brother.

Leo stood still for a few moments, looking into Mikey's eyes as they changed from completely terrified to a softer gaze, lowering his head in shame. His fists clenched slightly and a few tears brimmed in his eyes, which Leo immediately wiped away and gave a small smile to his younger brother. Mikey nodded slightly and sniffled.

Leo nudged Mikey's shoulder slightly before Mikey turned towards the food, his stomach turning painfully as he saw the food in front of him, and all of his brothers noticed his discomfort about seeing the food. Raph slowly stepped forwards, kneeling next to Mikey and looking over to him, while Mikey continued to stare down.

"What's wrong little bro?" He whispered softly, resting a soft hand on his shoulder and squeezing it slightly. Immediately Mikey's head shot to the right, thinking someone was attacking him again but relaxed afterwards, seeing it was only his older brother, gazing down to the food, and again they could all see the shame on Mikey's face, almost attacking his own brother.

"I-I can't….. they w-would…." Mikey whispered, his voice breaking on top of the raw tone it had, tears appearing in his eyes as he slowly reached out for the bandages around his arm, the one to hold all his needle marks, red and irritated. He wasn't touching it but his fingers were ghosting over the area, tears from both the pain and fear.

Mikey was struggling to find the right words, still not confident with speaking to his brothers but he was trying as hard as he could, and yet he couldn't seem to open his mouth to tell them. He couldn't make himself to say another word to his brothers. Donnie rested a hand on his other shoulder, giving him a small smile.

"It's okay Mikey, I think I get it." Donnie cut in and took a deep breath "They gave you food though those needles didn't they?" He asked in a low voice. Tears were now falling down as Mikey shakily reached for the side of his face, where still some red and angry markings were from the chains to hold his muzzle in place.

He had been muzzled for so long, never taking it off, not even to feed him. They fed him through needles, and when Mikey slowly and hesitantly nodded, Donnie knew he was right. Somehow he was happy Mikey was trusting them enough to confess, but he was also feeling angry, furious even because of the confession.

Those people dared to muzzle his only little brother for a full year, at least he assumed he was. And that's why his voice was now raspy and extremely painful to use for him. No water had passed his throat for such a long time, and no food had been digested by his stomach. And it sickened Donnie, on top of being experimented on alone, he was unable to eat for a year.

"Don't worry, you can still eat normally Mikey, you just have to be careful for a while. I'll make you some fruit and ask April to get something more okay? We'll have to build up your food again slowly" And before Mikey could even agree, Donnie was gone already, leaving the three brothers alone in the kitchen.

Mikey was still crying, tears leaking down his face and opening his mouth continuously. He wanted to say something, he really did but nothing came out of his mouth. His throat burning from those few words he had spoken already but he wanted to say more, anything. Raph seemed to notice his distress and carefully drew him closer.

"Don't overdo yerself little bro, ya don't have to force anything" Raph whispered, seeing how much Mikey was struggling, opening and closing his mouth to say something. Mikey sniffled and nodded slightly in Raph's hold, closing his mouth again. It wasn't like he didn't want to talk to them, he just couldn't get himself to speak.

Eventually Donnie came back with some cut fruit, like Splinter would always give them when they were just toddlers, not trusting them with big pieces of fruit, and put it in front of Mikey, who hesitantly ate it. When Leo saw Mikey was eating the food in front of him, he grabbed Donnie's arm and dragged him outside.

He felt bad for leaving Raph alone, and leaving him out of the conversation but Mikey needed someone with him right now, especially when he was finally reaching out for them, and he felt safe around Raph, they couldn't deny that. He could tell Raph everything later on, if something important was discussed.

Donnie didn't seem to understand Leo's reason to drag him outside the kitchen but followed without complaining, knowing that it had to be important. Eventually Leo dropped himself on the couch and burrowed his face in his hands. He was shaking slightly and taking deep breaths, trying to contain himself.

"What does this mean Donnie, what will happen to Mikey?" His voice sounded desperate, vulnerable. Something they rarely heard from their leader in the past 16 years. He was always so confident, he always knew what to do and was always a rock for them, most of the times. Donnie could hardly remember a time when he'd heard that voice, so desperate and hopeless.

When they were younger Leo had always taken the role of leader, even though nobody made him leader. But he had always burdened himself with the task of looking after his family. He would always contain his tears, or fears for the sake of his little brothers. There was this time when Raph was terribly wounded in the sewers.

He had run into the sewers after Raph had disobeyed Master Splinter by going into the sewers alone. Leo had found Raph, wounded. His leg was badly broken and that was one of the first times Donnie had heard his oldest brother beg, pleading to his father. Asking is Raph would be okay, trembling with fear and not knowing what to do.

But as they grew older and older, Donnie never heard that voice again, only on rare occasions, and Mikey's death being one of them. He could still remember how loud Leo had cried that night. The blanket loosely thrown on the ground, he was curled up with his pillow crushed between him, crying and sobbing.

Donnie had, despite his own grief, come to his older brother and hugged him. He had never expected Leo to hug him back, thinking he'd push away, but he didn't. Leo had wrapped his arms around Donnie's waist, squeezing and crying in his hold, tears staining Donnie's plastron and not thinking about letting him go anytime soon.

He had begged Mikey to come back, pleaded for someone to give their baby brother back, that it wasn't fair; He was supposed to be dead, not his little brother, and on top of that he had been so desperate, his voice so helpless as he asked Donnie that one question that would haunt them forever, 'how would they continue without Mikey?'

And Leo was right. How could they continue without their fourth member, their fourth brother and friend. How could they ever live their lives again without the glue of the family, the one to make them smile every day no matter what happened. And how could they live with the gap that was left in their hearts when Mikey died. They had no idea, but somehow they managed.

The desperate voice was something Donnie never heard from that day on. Leo had cried his heart out that day in Donnie's hold, but only that day and after that he went back to his leader role, reversing the roles and calming his brothers down when someone brought up Mikey, or after having a nightmare, but right now that voice was back, hurt and desperate.

"He'll be okay Leo… it's just that…." Donnie stopped for a second and sat down next to his older brother, wrapping his arms around Leo and drawing him closer. "He was fed through the same way as a gastric feeding tube, when people are in coma or something and can't eat" Donnie explained, watching Leo closely as he absorbed the information.

Leo took a deep breath in his hold, nodding slightly indicating he understood but not saying anything. Donnie could feel Leo was trying to hold himself together, but was obviously failing to do so. It was all too much for him, for all of them, seeing Mikey broken like this. But Donnie pushed past the thoughts and opened his mouth again.

"He hasn't been eating orally, but he will be able to do so again in time" Donnie explained in simple terms so Leo could follow. "We just need to be careful and slowly build up his digestive system, lots and lots of fibers. So fruits and vegetables will be perfect" Leo nodded again slightly, taking in all the information.

"Don't be sad Leo, he'll be fine. I promise" Donnie whispered and wiping away the thick tears falling from Leo's eyes as soon as he noticed them. His eyes were starting to become red already, filling themselves with tears again the moment Donnie had wiped them clean, and he couldn't stop them, for once he couldn't.

"Don't say that Donnie, you saw him too… he's terrified, he'll never be the same again" Leo said, keeping his voice low so Donnie wouldn't notice the quiver he was carrying around, but Donnie noticed nevertheless. He hated feeling so weak, he was supposed to protect his family, be their leader, not cry in front of them.

"I know Leo, but we'll get through this mess. We always did" Donnie whispered and pulled Leo's head close to his plastron. It wasn't often Donnie did this, but he knew Leo was at his end, mentally and emotionally. And he was too. His brother was dead for a year, and now he had come back to them.

Scarred and petrified, and hearing what has happened to him the past year made their blood boil. They didn't even know what they did to him, not all of it, but they knew some things. And only those terrified them already. They didn't even know what they did to him apart from that, they didn't know the mental damage they had done to him.

"I can't stand seeing him like this Donnie, he's just so…" Leo said but stopping mid-sentence, he didn't even know what he wanted to say. He couldn't possibly explain how Mikey was feeling, or how he was looking. Almost every emotion was mixed with his face. Doubt, fear, hurt, anger and those were only a few, not to mention the scars.

They could see the sparkle of hope and happiness in his eyes like they remembered, being back home with his brothers once again, but that was surpassed by the intense fear, the nightmares and horrifying memories he got when he was in that lab, tested on for a full year. All alone for all those months with those people.

"Me neither Leo, but he's still Mikey. And that's all that matters right now, he's finally back with us" Donnie said and closed his eyes slightly but found himself unable to open them again. He began to hum slightly and rocked Leo back and forth, and soon he heard the familiar snore of his older brother. A small smile crept on Donnie's face.

It had been so long since they had done this, Leo rarely allowed someone to comfort him like this, and he rarely fell asleep using one of his brothers as a pillow. When they were younger they all did regularly, but when they grew older Leo never fell asleep like that, Mikey still did often, and Donnie too. But Raph and Leo didn't.

Donnie sighed and leaned back on the couch, placing Leo a bit clumsily on top of his plastron. Leo whimpered slightly and shifted as he was trying to find a comfortable position but eventually stopped. And it wasn't long after that that Donnie felt himself drifting too, falling asleep on the couch.

TMNT

Only thirty minutes later Casey and April came back from the store, two full bags of groceries with them. Filled with food, other things they needed and at Donnie's request lots of foods and vegetables for Mikey, though both of the humans had no idea why they had to buy it, but none of them had complained about it.

Casey dropped the heavy bag with a sigh and was ready to call for someone when April jabbed him in the ribs and pointed at the couch, giggling slightly. Casey followed her finger when he saw it too. Leo was lying partly on top of Donnie, fast asleep and snoring slightly, both relieved yet tired expressions on their faces.

On the other couch were Mikey and Raph. Mikey on the side and his knees drawn to his chest. Raph's left arm, which was originally around Mikey's shoulder, had now fallen behind Mikey's shell and his head softly on top of Mikey's left shoulder, his eyes closed and softly snoring too, just like Leo and Donnie.

Mikey's eyes were still open and glassily looking over to the TV, which was practically muted so it wouldn't wake up his brothers, but still softly playing sounds and showing some cartoon that aired just months after Mikey's disappearance. April smiled slightly and picked up a loose blanket and carefully walked up to Mikey.

"Are you comfortable?" April whispered towards Mikey, kneeling in front of him so she wouldn't startle him and being silent for the sleeping guys. Mikey slowly looked up to her, almost studying her and glanced to Casey who was now laying a blanket on top of Leo and Donnie, before turning back to April.

"Yea" He cracked, drawing attention from both April and Casey who both look surprised but happy. A smile spread on April's face and Mikey returned it for a second. April glanced over to Raph, who was happily asleep against Mikey's shoulder. Carefully she wrapped the blanket around both of them and stood up again.

"Tell me when you need anything" She softly called out and turned around, walking over to Casey. She nudged Casey's arm and signed towards the kitchen, bringing the bags along with them and leaving the brothers alone.


	12. Chapter 12

"I get it dad, you can't come…" Leo whispered, nervously glancing back to the living room where his baby brother was seated, he needed his father right now but it just wasn't safe. The foot had picked the worst possible moment to scout the city. And Leo was called just seconds ago by Splinter that he had spotted the group all over the surface.

They were even in the sewers, forcing him to stay in the lair so he wouldn't be spotted accidently, and eventually giving away the location of their lair. But that also meant Splinter couldn't leave the lair to go to April's house, and be there for his youngest son, but they couldn't return to the lair either. And with April's aunt coming home tomorrow, that would be a problem.

"Michelangelo doesn't need me specifically" Splinter cut in, his voice gentle but still stern. "I can't risk our lair being discovered, you must be there for him while I am gone, you and your brothers." Leo's hand sighed and tightened his grip on the phone in his hand. He didn't like this, he didn't like this at all.

Mikey needed his father right now, the plan was to get some old drawings of Mikey to remember him, or to ease him slightly. But they never thought about their enemies that were still looking for their lair, and Leo was just grateful they hadn't seen his father when he entered the sewers and discovered the lair.

"Dad… he needs you right know. I need you… I don't know what to do anymore. He's talking again but he refuses to talk about what happened, or say something without us asking him first.." Leo said, biting his lip slightly. Tears were again threatening to form in his eyes but he wouldn't cry again. He was the oldest, he needed to be strong.

But as soon as the first tears appeared he knew he wasn't strong enough. He sank back in to the chair in the kitchen, hanging his head low but still keeping the phone against his ear so he could hear his father. He honestly had no idea how they could help Mikey, his little brother was so scared and traumatized.

"Some wounds can't be treated right away my son, some wounds are too big for us to handle at first. You have to make sure you keep it clean, and do the best you can to mend it until you know how to treat it" Splinter said lowly, and even Leo could hear the sadness in his voice. And just like all of them, he was worrying for Mikey too.

"I understand" Leo cracked, taking a deep breath to calm himself down, and prevent himself from breaking down completely. "Just call me as soon as they are gone, we can't stay at April's house another day, and we can't go anywhere else, okay?" And it was true. April had told them they could stay as long as they wanted.

It was no problem to provide them with all the things they wanted, food, water, shelter and a warm house. But her aunt was still coming back the next day, and they had to move in the dark otherwise they would get spotted, so they had to move tonight, but with the foot patrolling the sewers, they had no chance.

They could fight of course, but Mikey was in no state to fight anyone. He was still scared, and meeting the foot and forcing to fight them, would do no good. It could even ruin everything they had achieved in the last 2 days after they had rescued him from the lab. And they still had to deal with those guys.

"I will my son" Splinter assured his oldest son. "I have faith in you all, Michelangelo's wounds are deep but they can be healed with time. Don't push him Leonardo, I love you all" And with that the line went dead, leaving Leo alone with the silence. Leo angrily dropped the phone onto the table in front of him and buried his face in his hands.

He wasn't angry with his sensei, his father. He wasn't angry with his brothers or friends. No, he was angry with himself. His father trusted him, his brothers relied on him and yet he wasn't strong enough, he wasn't strong enough to be the leader he was supposed to be, he couldn't help Mikey, not a year ago, and not now.

Leo took a deep breath and looked up slightly, outside the window. It was still light outside, almost 2 pm, it was long until they had to make a decision and Leo wasn't looking forward to that. There was simply no option other than leaving the house and risking being spotted by the foot, or staying at April's home and meeting her aunt.

And neither of those options sounded like a good idea, Leo just hoped the foot would be gone before they had to go otherwise they would really be in trouble. Mikey couldn't fight, and they couldn't go through the trouble of moving Mikey to an unknown location, he wouldn't be able to handle that.

Leo could hear his brothers and friends talking softly, keeping it low so they wouldn't startle Mikey, and occasionally Leo could hear his baby brother speaking. His voice was still raspy and obviously painful for him to use, but the more he talked, which wasn't that much, and the more he drank… it wasn't as it used to be, but it was slowly getting better.

"How'd it go?" Leo's eyes snapped open when the sudden voice interrupted him. His eyes flew to the red haired teen, who was walking over to the refrigerator. Leo took a few deep breaths, he never heard April approaching him, some ninja he was. He forced himself to relax again and looked down again in shame.

"Not good, the foot is still in the sewers, Sensei can't get out, and we can't get to the lair without any of us being spotted." Leo explained with a heavy voice, not wanting to let his own desperation to show too much, but obviously April caught his distress and walked over to him, wrapping her small arms around him.

And somehow the hug actually made him feel better. The hug was tight but April hadn't trained for a very long time, not like they had, so Leo barely felt any pressure around his own muscular arms, but it relaxed him in a way. April smiled and squeezed to assure him slightly, and yet he couldn't seem to relax.

"It'll be alright Leo, the foot will be gone tonight, you'll see" She whispered in his ear, squeezing a little bit more. It felt weird having April's tiny arms around him. They could hardly reconnect again because of his muscles but it felt weird. He was supposed to be the one comforting her, not the other way around.

"And even if they are gone, we will put Mikey through all this pressure, he isn't ready to go out yet" Leo protested, squirming slightly to get out of the hug, but April wouldn't let go. Eventually he let out a long sigh and relaxed slightly in her hold, dropping his head on April's arm a bit awkwardly, but April didn't seem to mind.

"I know Leo" April sighed, and only then she released him again, walking over to the refrigerator to get some fruit, presumably for Mikey, and set it down on the countertop next to the refrigerator. "But it has to be done, you know that. You are always welcome, but if you don't want my aunt to know…" She explained with a heavy voice.

"I get it April, I really appreciate it, but I rather want to keep me and my brothers a secret… but if the foot is really in the sewers, I'm afraid we'll have to stay here. We can't move Mikey to an unknown location, it would only frighten him more" Leo said with a sigh. He honestly didn't want to be seen by April's aunt.

But if they had to choose between April's aunt, or the lair being discovered by the foot, and eventually the Shredder. He would go with the first one, besides everything April had told him about her aunt, it still wouldn't do anything good to them, and her aunt. April quickly finished cutting the fruit and pushed them onto a plate.

"We'll just have to wait Leo" April said softly as she picked up the plate with the fruits and walked outside the kitchen but turned around before doing do. "Mikey's asking for you, I know that probably don't want to see him because you think you failed him or something stupid like that, but he needs you right now" And with a small smile she left the room.

That was the thing Leo loved the most about April, she was straight to the point, mostly. She wasn't dancing around the subject but was telling what was happening, like with Mikey. And yet she did it in such a way it made Leo feel better, and he couldn't prevent the smile that slowly appeared on his face and he slowly stood up.

TMNT

Mikey mumbled slightly in his sleep, whimpering and curling into a ball. Sweat was trickling down his forehead and he was weakly flailing with his limbs. Donnie was watching, feeling his heart painfully against his chest. They had made so much progress the last 2 days, but still Mikey was far from the way he used to be.

The scars being one thing to remind him, but the nightmares were probably the worst. Reliving everything that had happened to him, sometimes they were worse and sometimes they weren't, but they would always wake him up screaming. Crying and begging for someone, even when he didn't specifically said so.

They all knew he was longing for a hug, something to ease him, to give him the feeling of safety. And that was the thing that hurt Donnie the most. He was getting better with trusting them, talking to them, but the nightmares didn't improve a single bit, and he would always wake up screaming just as hard as the first time he came here.

"Shouldn't we like, wake him up or something?" Casey muttered, helplessly watching as Mikey continued to moan and thrash weakly. He was sitting on the edge of the couch with a frown on his face. He felt bad for the little guy. He didn't hear a lot about the freckled turtle, but he knew he was the happy one, laughing and pranking his brothers.

And this was far from the small description April had given him in the last year. He was scared by everything that had happened, by everything they didn't know about. Even if he improved greatly already, he still wasn't ready to talk about anything he had gone through. But they knew they did horrible things to him.

Another quiet moan escaped Mikey's lips and a few tears were beginning to seep through his eyes, mixing with the few drops of sweat trickling down his side. His eyes were squeezed shut and his knees were drawn to his plastron, but not quite touching it, his arms tightly wrapped in between his legs and plastron and his head resting on top of his hands.

"He needs his rest Casey" Donnie whispered, not wanting to wake up Mikey. "Besides, you know what happened the last time we did" Casey winced slightly at the memory, sure he hadn't seen Mikey attacking his own brother, but he had seen Raph passed out on the floor and the glass shards all over the floor, and some even cutting in his shell.

And even Casey couldn't ignore the huge bags under the eyes of the freckled turtle. He was exhausted and it was clear he hadn't been sleeping correctly in who knows how long. He needed his sleep for now. But it still pained them all to see Mikey struggling like this, obviously suffering from a bad nightmare. Casey nodded slightly and looked outside the window, sighing slightly.

"What is taking Leo so long?" April suddenly cut through the silence, gesturing to the closed door behind her. They could all hear the muffled sound of Leo talking on the phone, but nobody could actually hear what he was saying. He had already been on the phone for half an hour, and the rest was starting to wonder what he was doing.

"He's talking to dad" Donnie explained in a quiet voice. "The foot is still in the sewer so we can't bring Mikey back to the sewer, but honestly it would be better if we did." Donnie sighed and ran his hand carefully along Mikey's forehead with a soft towel, wiping away some sweat lingering on his skin.

Casey was watching him carefully, occasionally glancing back to the moaning turtle and then back up. They were both sitting on the edge of the couch, Donnie at one side, where Mikey's head was, and Casey on the other side. Donnie slowly looked up, meeting Casey's eyes, auburn eyes meeting Casey's brown ones.

Soft snores were coming from their left side and they all quickly glanced to the source of the noise. Raph was resting on a pillow with a blanket on top of him, just like Mikey. Casey and April had found him this morning, sleeping along with Leo and Donnie, and Mikey supporting Raph but the little turtle didn't seem to notice it at the same time.

They had woken up a few hours later for some lunch, and Leo went to call his father for his absence. Leo and Donnie weren't that exhausted but Raph had barely slept the whole night, and the previous one so he passed out on the couch after lunch, and that was 5 hours ago already, and Raph still hadn't woken up.

"You know you don't really have to leave right?" April whispered after a few seconds. Her eyes were filled with worry and hurt. They last 2 days had been hard, for all of them and it was only getting worse. They had to move Mikey back home, but the foot was probably still in the sewers and looking around, and her aunt was coming back tomorrow.

She loved her aunt, she really did but at the same time she loved to be alone for once. Her aunt was really sweet, almost too sweet. She would always ask her about everything, and every time something had happened, she would get concerned, way too much. But the problem was that she would definitely freak out by seeing 4 giant turtles.

And hiding them in her room wouldn't be an option either. Mikey's screams would eventually alert her, because no matter what they did, they couldn't prevent Mikey from having them. And her aunt would surely come into her room during the day, so they would get discovered no matter what.

Donnie was about to open his mouth when the blue banded turtle walked in. Small tears were in the corners of his eyes but he had no emotion written over his face. His t-phone was tucked in his belt and he looked around the room with a pained expression, his eyes eventually catching the sleeping form of Mikey.

Despite Mikey being his long lost little brother, Leo still couldn't face his little brother without tearing up again. He couldn't stand seeing all the wounds on Mikey's body. And the nightmares he had because he had failed to protect his little bro a year ago. And every time, no matter how hard he tried, he always ended up crying again.

He was supposed to be the older brother, the strong one, and to be a rock for his family. Only that faithful night he had broken in front of Donnie, but after that he had accomplished to remain strong. Hiding the aching of his own heart, and hiding the desperate cries at night for the sake of his family, he had to be the leader, not the other way around.

"What did dad say?" Donnie cut in, noticing the tears in Leo's eyes as he continued to stare at Mikey. The moans had died out slightly but Mikey would eventually whimper and he was still curled into a tiny ball, his blankets tightly folded around him. Leo tore his gaze from the freckled turtle and sat down in a chair.

His eyes trailed from Mikey to Raph, and again he felt his heart clench painfully. He wasn't thrashing or struggling from a nightmare but it was obvious Raph had exhausted himself these last days, dark bags were under his eyes, just like Mikey's. Though Mikey was worse. And Leo couldn't help but to blame himself again.

Of course there was no way he could've seen it with Raph wearing his mask all the time, and the only reason he was seeing it now because he had removed the mask when he discovered Raph had passed out on the couch, and brought him a blanket to get him comfortable. But he still had to notice the tiredness with Raph.

Casey and April were holding up well, but even Leo could see that the discovery of Mikey was taking a toll on them too. It was Sunday right now and none of the two had any plans on going to school tomorrow. Casey would mostly skip school to hang out with the guys, and April had assured them she would be there as much as possible now Mikey was back.

And with her dad being kidnapped, the teachers would let her go for a few days without questioning, if she would still make her homework and it wouldn't mess up her grades. She had only done it one time before. The day Donnie had made retro-mutagen for her father, but it was all spilled in the fight.

Donnie had promised her he would make new retro-mutagen for her father, but it would take a long time before he had more, and once they found Mikey, he hadn't continued, and April understood that. They had to focus on Mikey first, and how much she wanted her father back, she knew she couldn't ask Donnie to make retro-mutagen, not now.

Leo took a deep sigh and looked up, April, Casey and Donnie were all watching him closely, waiting patiently for him to say anything. Raph shifted slightly next to him and Leo glanced at him for a few seconds before returning his gaze to the rest again and taking a deep breath, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"The foot is gone, we are going home tonight"


	13. Chapter 13

It was completely silent around April's house, nobody dared to say anything and they were all preparing to leave soon. The sun was already gone and it was completely dark outside expect for the few lights illuminating the sky. Any other day it would be a beautiful sight to watch. And they would surely stop to enjoy it, but not tonight.

Everyone felt the pressure around the house. Nobody knew what was going to happen, the foot was gone but it was still dangerous to transport Mikey anywhere. He hasn't been outside for a year, apart from the little trip to April's house. He was still extremely weak and his legs would give out within seconds of walking.

His muscles convulsing because of the sudden exercise. Donnie had assured them he would be okay if they would slowly build up his muscles again, but it would take a lot of time before he would be running around again. He only managed short runs to April's room, and even those were mainly fueled by fear and adrenaline.

Raph was the strongest out of them so he would be carrying his baby brother home tonight. April and Casey would go with them and still they were extremely vulnerable. If they would get caught, both Mikey and Raph would already be unable to fight, for the first part at least. And someone had to stay with Mikey to defend him.

April hasn't been training for a really long time, and while she was already pretty good, she certainly couldn't hold her ground against all those trained ninjas. Casey was good but impulsive and was fighting with strength rather than real ninja moves. He still held up pretty good, but the lack of training got him hurt a lot. And still they had no other choice than to go.

TMNT

"You know you can't ignore him forever Leo" Donnie whispered as walked into the kitchen. Leo whipped his head around, catching Donnie's auburn eyes for a few seconds before gazing down on the fruit beneath him. His mouth was firmly sealed as he continued to cut the pieces of fruit beneath him, forcing his tears to stay back.

"Leo…" Donnie breathed out, taking another hesitant step. "Don't shut me out too, I only want to help you… and Mikey" A low growl escaped Leo's throat but never turned around to face his younger brother and continued to make food for Mikey. They would leave soon, and Mikey would need some food in his system before they'd leave.

Donnie sighed and walked over to Leo. The eldest' shoulders were tense and his mouth formed a thin line on his face. His eyes were focused on the fruit beneath him and yet he wasn't looking at all, lost in his thoughts. Carefully Donnie wrapped his arms around the older turtle and nuzzled his beak in Leo's neck.

Leo growled again. A sound Donnie had heard way too often in his life. It was the sound of their leader and it was at moments like this they all knew they shouldn't argue with their oldest brother. And not even Raph dared to argue with Leo when he growled like this. He rarely used it, but way too often for Donnie's liking.

It meant something was really wrong, a fight that went wrong, Leo threatening their enemies to stay away, or giving an import and maybe life-saving order to his brothers. And Donnie couldn't help but to flinch every time he heard the growl, Leo only did it to keep his brothers safe mostly and still it was scary, but not this time.

"Just give him this" Leo snapped, untangling himself from the hug and shoving the food in Donnie's hand, but the genius brother wasn't about to let Leo go this easily and angrily put the food away and stopped Leo before he could leave the kitchen, snatching his wrist and turning him around. It wasn't often he was like this.

"Don't gimme that Leo" Donnie hissed, unusual anger present in his voice. Donnie was furious and an obvious shiver went down Leo's spine. "He asks for you and you keep ignoring him, why won't you see him? He's your brother." Donnie continued, a bit less threatening but still furious about Leo's behavior the last couple of days.

"I just… can't" Leo snapped, his voice cracking with the last word and his shoulders slumping. For a second he allowed his emotions to get the better of him but he immediately wiped the tears away with the back of his hand, attempting to walk past Donnie again, but again the taller turtle wouldn't allow it.

"Bullshit Leo, I did, April did, Raph did. Heck even Casey visited him!" Donnie said, raising his voice slightly. He was angry, no furious with his older brother and yet he couldn't help but to feel sorry for Leo. He was truly heartbroken, they all were and yet Leo seemed to take everything the hardest, and they all knew why.

"Just leave me alone" Leo hissed and angrily pushed Donnie out of the way, making him stumble slightly. Leo only accomplished to take a few more steps, attempting to get out of the kitchen before a pair of surprisingly strong arms wrapped around him and turning him around, forcing his head against Donnie's crook in his neck

Donnie said nothing as he steadied himself, not daring to let Leo go despite his futile attempts to get loose. Donnie could feel Leo's attempts weakening and slowly his arms began to shake. And it wasn't before his neck was staining with tears, he noticed what was going on with his eldest brother, and he tightened his hold slightly.

"I-I c-can't … D-Donnie…. " Leo hiccupped completely breaking down in Donnie's arms. "He'll hate me Donnie… he hates me…" He whispered, his voice cracking with every word. Donnie just held his older brother close. They all knew Mikey's disappearance was the hardest on him, it was his fault, though no one blamed him.

"He won't Leo, I'm sure" Donnie whispered and pulled out of the hug, carefully wiping away the few lost tears in the blue eyes. "Go to him Leo, he's asking for you" And with a small smile Donnie handed Leo the plate of food. Leaving Leo no choice to deny it, but Leo gratefully accepted it, though he was still hesitant.

"He won't hate you Leo, he missed you. All of us but you rarely visit him" Donnie looked down for a second, his own tears threatening to come. "He keeps asking me, small words but he's asking for you… he wants you too Leo, he needs you" Donnie mumbled and hugging his own body tightly. Leo slowly nodded, the plate trembling slightly in his hold. He slowly stepped forwards and wrapped a single arm around Donnie's body, pulling him close for a moment.

"Thanks little bro" Leo mumbled back and pulling out of the hug again. "Just relax for now, everything's set. We'll leave after I get Mikey, 'Kay?" Donnie slowly nodded, they were all up tight for this evening. Leo told them the foot was gone, but honestly Leo could be lying for that matter, or the foot could still be around New York. They just didn't know.

And that's probably what scared them all the most, not knowing what was going to happen. They couldn't make a plan because they didn't know what was coming. Mikey couldn't handle the stress, couldn't handle to fight, and they would be severely weakened if they were attacked, someone had to stay to defend Mikey. They just hoped they wouldn't encounter any enemies.

TMNT

Softly he knocked on the wooden door. The plate of food still balancing on one hand, and the other at the door. Mikey had claimed April's bedroom ever since the incident with Raph, and nobody complained about it, not even April herself. She was happy to give her room to Mikey if that would make him feel more comfortable.

"Mikey?" Leo softly called out, giving his youngest brother a warning before softly opening the door. The room was dark, only the light coming from the window lightening the room. Mikey was sitting on the bed, his knees drawn up to his knees and his eyes fixed in his arm, the bandage undone and the huge surgical wound in full view.

Leo flinched slightly seeing the wound and all the stitches but shook his head slightly. Mikey tensed slightly when Leo stepped into the room but never looked up, trailing his fingers along the large wound and all the stitches. A violent shiver went down his spine and he gasped slightly, and Leo quickly put the plate aside.

"Do you.. hate me?" Mikey's voice was low, and even after a whole day still raspy and painful. Donnie had assured his voice would be back to normal eventually but it would take time. He hadn't talked in the last year, hasn't said a single word at all. His throat was extremely dry and the muscles or something had to be build up again.

Leo could feel his heart tighten even with those few words. Mikey thought he hated him, but he could never ever hate his baby brother. And honestly, Mikey was supposed to hate him after everything Mikey had been through because of him. And yet Mikey was asking him if he hated his little bro, the one that had been gone all this time.

"Never Mikey" Leo cracked, almost rushing over to his youngest brother. Mikey tensed visibly when the mattress beneath him sank because of Leo's weight but didn't pull away or made a move at all. His eyes kept fixed on the huge surgical wound on his arm, and at the same time he wasn't even looking at it.

"Why?" Again the raspy voice Leo grew to hate. He was happy, so damn happy Mikey was speaking to them, acknowledging them and being comfortable enough to speak up, but at the same time he hated it. He hated hearing how painful and raspy the voice was, and how much it hurt Mikey to speak even those small words.

And even though it was just a simple word, Leo knew exactly what his little brother meant. Why he was ignoring him. Mikey still wasn't looking up, and it horrified Leo to see the wound up close. His skin was clean again but the wounds hadn't disappeared. He still wore the bandages around his wrists and ankles, and around his legs and arms.

"Because" Leo started hesitantly, shifting slightly. And still Mikey made no motion to move at all, or look at Leo. "Do you… remember that night.. a year ago?" Leo carefully asked. He needed to know if Mikey still remembered the reason. The one and only reason he was captured in the first place.

Mikey tensed and his arms slowly started to shake slightly, barely noticeable but Leo caught the spasm movement. His eyes were squeezed shut and his breathing got heavier with the second, desperately trying to calm himself down. Agonizing seconds past but eventually Mikey managed to control himself enough and nodded slightly.

He remember, everything about that night. So many nights he had replayed it in his head. There was no way he could ever forget that night, ever again.

"I can't look at you without thinking about that night… how can you still have me around Mikey? Y-you should h-hate me…." Leo continued, his voice cracking as tears once again appeared in the corners of his eyes. The same horrible feeling crashing over him, the same the first night they knew, or thought, Mikey was dead.

The same night he cried himself to sleep in Donnie's arms, pleading and begging for someone, anyone to give their baby brother back. He had remained strong after that but he still carried the memories of that faithful night. The words that were spoken around the lair and the emotions written on Mikey's face, the last thing he'd ever see of him.

He was brought out of his thoughts when something warm touched his plastron. His eyes snapped open, unaware that he had even closed them, and looked down. A small smile made its way on Leo's face as he saw Mikey's head pressed against his plastron. It wasn't a full hug, and Mikey obviously wasn't comfortable enough for something like that.

But Mikey was trying to show his affection. Carefully Leo wrapped his arms around Mikey's small body. It was small, his growth had been tempered with because of the poor living conditions, and the lack of sunlight and movement in the past year, but his arms still fit perfectly around his little brother, bringing him closer slightly.

"Never" Mikey whispered softly, keeping his eyes open but nuzzling his face in Leo's plastron. They stayed there for a few minutes, both shedding tears. Leo could feel his plastron staining with them but he didn't protest, the same ones rolling down his cheeks. So many nights he had bared the weight laying on his shoulder.

He never told anyone about it, not more than he had to. His brothers had assured him it wasn't his fault but he could see it in their eyes, in Raph's eyes. And every day he was forced to watch how his family was slowly tearing apart, how Raph was tearing himself apart over the loss of his baby brother, his best friend and the one he had sworn to protect.

"Thanks.." Leo muttered, not really knowing what to say before carefully pulling out of the hug. "We should get going soon, are you ready to go?" He whispered as he carefully snatched Mikey's wrist, presenting the stitches, earning a shudder from both turtles. Mikey gulped and looked away quickly but allowed Leo to keep his arm.

Out of the corners Leo saw Mikey nodding, still hesitant but it meant he was ready to go. There was still a slight tremble in his body and it was obvious Mikey was beyond scared to go outside. And just like Leo, he didn't want to leave April's home, where it was safe. But it would be better to go home, and even Mikey knew.

"Nothing will happen to you Mikey. Raph will carry you the whole way" Leo tried as he carefully re-wrapped the wound again, covering it with the bandages and making a mental note to replace them once they got back home again. This time Mikey slowly twisted his head, looking into Leo's sea blue eyes.

"I'm serious Mikey, no one will hurt you ever again, not as long as I'm living." He stated with a confident voice. "They'll regret if they do" He said, and he was deadly serious. He had always been serious about protecting his little brothers and the small family they had, but right now he was more serious than ever. Anyone who would even try to hurt his baby brother would pay, dearly.

He watched Mikey closely as he finished the bandages around his arm, covering the wounds once again and letting out a slight sigh. Mikey was beaming at him with his giant baby blue eyes. The same eyes that once held such joy and innocence, but was completely shattered right now, only few pieces remaining. And on top of the fear and suppressed joy, there was determination.

"I'm ready"


	14. Chapter 14

So many things had happened in the past few days, and everyone had been terribly shocked by everything around them. Mikey returning to them. It was probably the worst and yet the happiest moment of their lives. Their deceased baby brother was back in their arms again, safe and alive. His heart strongly beating in their hold again, alive.

And at the same time it was the most horrible day ever, finding their baby brother scarred and petrified. Figuring out he was tortured and locked away for a full year, and they had given up all the hope in finding their little brother, in fact they thought he was dead. A dirty trick the Shredder had pulled on them, and because of that Mikey had to suffer all those months.

In a way they grew accustomed to everything that changed around them. They got used to being silent all the time. They had to keep the TV low so it wouldn't freak Mikey out, they had to knock before entering his room so they wouldn't startle him, and they couldn't surprise him in anyway or it would cause yet another panic attack.

They managed, and they learned to live with it, but the thing they couldn't accept, and probably hit them the hardest was how Mikey was doing with all of this. They couldn't come around the silence that hung around their baby brother. He was deathly quiet. He rarely spoke and even those were short sentences and he rarely started a conversation.

He never said anything, feeling terribly uncomfortable with everyone inside of April's room. He had been there for the most of the remaining time right now. It had been his safe haven. Where he wasn't constantly bothered by his brothers and human friends. And right now all of them were in the same room, and Mikey was visibly tensed up because of it.

"You'll be fine Mikey, Raph's gonna take care of you" Donnie said, smiling slightly. He softly rested his hand on Mikey's shoulder, nudging it slightly. Mikey still didn't have any of his gear, and it was strange seeing him without all the ninja equipment they always wore. It had been taken when he got captured, even when Mikey hadn't told them.

It had been sent to them along with the CD. His mask had been removed, leaving him vulnerable and exposed. They had always been different without their masks, it was a sign of vulnerability, a sign of defeat. And they had stripped him off the one article of 'clothes' that somehow kept his strength. Being captured and tortured, and they took it away. Sending it along the rest.

"Okay" Mikey cracked, and immediately tears jumped into Donnie's eyes. He couldn't stand hearing that pained voice, and the pain that flashed over his face for a mere second. The terrified face as he gazed down again. There was no doubt about it, they would kill whoever did this to him, but they had to wait until Mikey was up to it.

Donnie could feel two strong arms wrapping around him and recognized them as Leo. In the meantime Raph walked over to Mikey, kneeling in front of him. Leo softly turned him around until he was face to face with his second youngest brother and quickly wiped away the tears that were hanging in the corners of his eyes.

"Nothing's gonna happen to ya bro, ya trust me right?" Raph asked softly. Mikey's eyes locked into Raph's eyes, blinking slowly before nodding. They all had no idea why Mikey was even refusing to talk, even though his voice was painful to use, that had never stopped him before. And with Mikey refusing to even say one world about what happened, it was difficult to know why.

Donnie kept his mouth sealed as Raph spoke those few words. He trusted his brothers, no question about that, and he trusted his human friends, but they were still vulnerable. Casey had been packed with all his gear and weapons. His mask resting on top of his yet, ready to put it on once he needed to, and Donnie practically begged for him not to.

Mikey wouldn't be able to handle the pressure, and if things would go wrong they would risk throwing away everything they'd accomplished. And no matter how skilled his brothers and friends were, he still had terrible doubts about this whole mission, and yet he knew it was inevitable to go tonight, and he wasn't about to argue.

"Let's do this" Leo eventually agreed and carefully helped Mikey on Raph's shell, Mikey's legs clamped along Raph's shell to prevent himself from falling and wrapped his arms around Raph's neck, nuzzling his face deep in the crook in Raph's neck and hiding his face from the rest, hiding his distress the best he could, but the shaking in his shoulders wasn't hard to miss.

Donnie swallowed painfully, he still couldn't stand seeing Mikey so scared and seeing the bandages around his limbs. It reminded him every time that he had failed his only little brother. That they had experimented on him for so long. Taking samples, cutting into his skin while he could do nothing but scream through his muzzle.

Once Mikey was fully secured on Raph's back they were ready to go. April had put on her jacket and het 2 tessens safely secured within hand reach, ready to pull them out whenever someone would attack them. Raph had both his sais in his belt, Leo had his katana's and Donnie had his bo-staff on his back, while Mikey remained with nothing but the scars.

"Alright guys, no distractions, we go straight home. Got it?" Leo asked in leader tone and Donnie couldn't help but shiver slightly. Just hours ago that same leader was sobbing and crying over the re-appearance of Mikey. Leo had taken the death of Mikey the hardest, telling them he had been responsible for everything, it just wasn't right seeing him so confident again.

April and Casey were the first ones to leave through April's window, followed soon by Donnie. The genius brother swiftly helped Raph on top of the fire-escape, who still carried Mikey on his back and Leo stepped outside the last. April quickly closed her window and they all climbed towards the rooftops, immediately running home.

"Don't be afraid Mikey, look around ya" Raph whispered as he noticed that Mikey had still nuzzled himself inside of his neck. He couldn't see it from here but he was almost sure Mikey had squeezed his eyes shut, his limbs still clamped around his body and refusing to even look around, too afraid to even do so.

Slowly he could feel Mikey's beak leaving his neck, but just barely. A low whimper escaped Mikey's throat as he continued to look upwards, just very closely and barely from Raph's neck. There were absolutely no clouds, and the moon was almost completely full. Bright stars covering the dark air, illuminating the ground slightly.

Raph was panting slightly already, having to carry Mikey's weigh with him too. But they had been trained for 16 years right now, their endurance, muscles, fighting skills and many many more. He could handle the little weight Mikey was adding, and it shocked him how light his baby brother actually was, it was almost like he wasn't even there.

He had to get Mikey home as soon as possible, so he wouldn't stop running until they were safe in the sewers again. He easily jumped over the edge of the rooftop, landing on the other side. A shiver went down his spine as Mikey's limbs suddenly tightened its grip around him, almost to the point it was painful. The beak of his younger brother pressed itself against his neck once again.

"R-Raphie….. Raphie" Mikey whined softly, a shiver clearly present in his voice and his muscles tense. Mikey softly began to struggle in his hold but it was far from causing Raph any problems. He wasn't worried about the futile attempts to get loose, he was worried about Mikey's sudden behavior, the visual fear he had around him.

"Mikey.. what's wrong with ya?" Raph whispered softly. He wanted nothing more than to look at his baby brother but he continued to run. But before Mikey could even answer him he suddenly stopped, almost colliding with his older brother in the process. He was about to open his mouth, yelling at him for stopping when he noticed the tense muscles in all over Leo's body.

A single hand was ghosting over one of his katana's and he was looking around, scanning the area around him for any possible enemies. Donnie immediately followed Leo's lead, drawing his bo-staff and holding it in front of him in defense. Raph felt his heart sink, he could feel it too right now, the tingling feeling up his spine.

That same feeling they had been forced to train by Master Splinter. The feeling that would alert them, help them to spot enemies before they were even visible. April had drawn her tessen and Casey was standing with his back against hers, his hockey stick held up in front of him and his mask on top of his face.

"Leo.." Donnie softly started, his voice barely above a whisper but before he could finish his sentence the sound of footbots entered their ears, causing them all to tense up. Raph felt Mikey whimper softly and pressing his beak harder in his neck. He reached for his sais, letting go of Mikey's extra support, and as predicted Mikey's arms stayed clamped around his neck.

All around them footbots appeared, rushing towards them with incredible speed. Leo gritted his teeth and drew both his katana's, diving into the fight immediately, followed soon by April and Casey. Donnie's eyes were fixed on Raph and Mikey, his only job to get to his two brothers, protect them, protect Mikey at all costs.

Casey was the first one to be knocked down, a strong kick to his stomach sending him to the ground. Immediately two footbots picked him up, holding his arms behind his back so he couldn't escape. Casey groaned and started to struggle against their hold but he was simply kicked in the knees, forcing him down, and rendering him useless.

April and Leo following the human boy soon afterwards. The footbots holding them both down the same way as Casey. Donnie gritted his teeth in anger, wiping away another dozen of footbots. Raph was still standing with his sais in his hands, defending the few footbots that were coming through Donnie's defence, and each movement earned him a whimper from Mikey.

"Raph!" Donnie suddenly screamed but it was already too late. The red banded turtle felt something solid connect with his plastron, sending him back and forcing him to the ground. The arms around his neck slipped and Mikey was thrown off his shell during the fall. Raph continued to roll for a meter before skipping to a stop.

Mikey choked on a sob and curled himself up in a pathetic ball. His arms covering his head and his whole form shivering. Raph's head shot up when he saw two footbots running towards his baby brother, he gripped his sais, which were surprisingly still in his hands, and threw them both. He didn't care about losing them, all that mattered was Mikey.

"No you don't!" Raph yelled, sprinting towards Mikey as the two footbots fell to the ground. He immediately dropped to his knees and hovered Mikey up, pressing his body against his plastron. He didn't know what to say, they were defeated. Casey, April, Donnie and Leo were already disarmed and held back by the enemy.

He couldn't do anything on his own with all the footbots, and he needed to stay with Mikey right now. Raph gritted his teeth and let out a hiss, a sound almost similar to the sound Mikey would always make in the last few days but it was less threatening. And yet it was still extremely terrifying to hear. The sound dripping with venom.

"Footbots stop!" A female voice suddenly cut in, a shadow jumping down onto the rooftop, Karai. She immediately tore off the iron mask off her face, looking around and taking in the scene. "Leonardo, long time no see" She suddenly purred, as she saw Leo in the hands of her footbots. He was glaring at her, struggling as hard as he could to get free.

Their relation had always been weird, Karai never really fought the blue banded mutant. And Leo never really fought her unless it was absolutely necessary. And right now it was. He could see Mikey shivering so badly, even within Raph's strong hold. He was surprised the sobs hadn't started yet, or a panic attack had kicked in.

"Karai let us go, I'm not in the mood right now" Leo hissed, glaring at her. Karai's face came dangerously close to his voice, the same grin plastered on her face, but Leo kept glaring at her. Mostly he would've broken the tension by now by a laugh, or a welcome and even Karai noticed the sudden change in behavior from her mutant 'friend'.

Karai snorted slightly and straightened herself, looking at the scene around the rooftops. Casey and April were on her left, both on their knees with their hands behind their backs. Each two footbots behind them. Donnie was on the other side of her, also on his knees and hands behind his back, glaring at her with venom in his eyes.

His bo-staff had been snapped in half and was laying in front of him and he had a shallow cut on his left arm. Karai's gaze trailed towards the red banded turtle and her eyes narrowed. He wasn't held down by her footbots and yet he wasn't attacking her. Then suddenly her eyes widened, noticing the figure in his grip.

"Who are you hiding Raphael?" Karai snorted, pointing her sword at the red banded mutant. Raph growled again low in his throat but refused to look up to her, he wasn't about to show her Mikey. They couldn't know he was still alive. Shredder couldn't know Mikey was back again, he would hunt him down until Mikey was really dead.

"Don't test my patience turtle, I have your friends and turtles" Karai scolded and lifted Raph's chin with her sword, the sharp edge pressing against Raph's chin so he was unable to look down or look in any other direction than to look at Karai. Raph immediately shifted his weight and covered Mikey's face with his body.

He wasn't wearing his gear, and especially not his mask. Karai wouldn't be able to recognize him. Raph's eyes narrowed and he growled again, threatening the human girl to stay back, but Karai was far from impressed, lazily tipping Raph's head to the side, and Raph could do nothing but to move along with the sharp object.

"Michelangelo?!" She gasped, her eyes widened as realization crashed down on her. "How can you be alive, I thought you died after… after I.." She stopped midsentence, kneeling down. Her sword was still pressed against Raph's neck so he wouldn't be able to do anything without ending up with a sword embedded in his arteries.

"What are ya talkin' about?! What did ya do to him?" Raph hissed, his voice dripping with venom as he glared up to the girl who was now kneeling in front of Mikey. She softly stretched her hand out to touch the small mutant but immediately froze when a whimper came from the young turtle, curling up more into Raph's hold.

"What happened that night Michelangelo?" She whispered, completely ignoring Raph's question. Raph gritted his teeth and wanted to kick Karai away, get her away from his terrified younger brother but was immediately greeted by the word pressing against his neck again, he couldn't do anything if he didn't want to die.

Slowly Mikey opened his eyes, his face still buried fully in Raph's plastron but a small glimpse of his baby blue eyes were seen shortly before shutting his eyes again, a low whimper escaping the back of his throat. Raph tightened his hold on his baby brother and growled again. Karai suddenly stood up, looking around the area.

"How long Leonardo?" She hissed, doing a few steps towards the eldest turtle and pressing her sword against his throat. "You told me he died that night, how long is he back?" She continued, pressing the sword a little bit harder against his throat. Leonardo's eyes widened slightly at the furious look in Karai's eyes.

But there wasn't only anger present in her eyes, there was guilt too, maybe even relief but Leo had no idea why. He quickly shook off his surprise and narrowed his eyes once again, staring into her eyes with the same venom. But Karai was far from amused, simply pressing the sword against his throat even more, almost cutting through the skin.

"I'm not telling you Karai" He growled in response, sending a look to his immediate younger brother. "First I want to know what you meant back there. What happened 'that night'?" He demanded, not showing the fear that was radiating through his body. The sword pressed against his throat. One flick with her wrist and he was dead.

They were in no position to fight, or even demand something. If Karai would want the answers she could hurt his brothers, Mikey. And that was absolutely the last thing Leo wanted to happen. He needed to keep his youngest safe, and his other brothers of course. A breath escaped his mouth as Karai removed the sword from his neck, doing a step back.

"Fine, I agree. You tell me what happened…" She started, not leaving Leo's eyes. "And I'll tell what happened that night Shredder faked your brother's death"


	15. Chapter 15

"Fine, I agree. You tell me what happened…" She started, not leaving Leo's eyes. "And I'll tell what happened that night Shredder faked your brother's death"

For some reason he didn't even want to know what Karai had to tell. He just wanted to go home with his little brother, and his family of course, and not hear about all the horrors Mikey had faced all those months. He didn't want to hear how much he had failed the one he had sworn to protect, and all the suffering that was brought upon his little brother.

And at the same time he wanted to know. He was dying to find out what happened that night they found Mikey in the park, or the blood that had been forced out of his body. His disappearance for days and then the revelation of him being alive. He wanted to know, the reason he ended up in the lab, and who were responsible.

Karai turned her head to them again and Raph bared his teeth, tightened his arms slightly around his little brother. Tears were staining his plastron and he would occasionally whisper Japanese words to the freckled turtle to assure him a bit. But as predicted it wasn't working, the shaking never stopped or even slowed down, he was terrified. Raph watched Karai closely as she opened her mouth.

"Around a year ago I was out on patrol together with Dogpound and Fish Face when we spotted your little brother" Karai started, gesturing to the trembling turtle in Raph's hold. "Must say, he put on a pretty good fight but Bradford eventually knocked him out cold" Mikey whimpered slightly in Raph hold, being forced to listen to Karai's story.

Leo growled and kicked slightly, still attempting to break free without Karai noticing. But as much the footbots were bad in fighting, and only good for beating the odds, they were incredibly strong and Leo was no match for the strong robots, and neither was Donnie or the two humans, who were all still tightly secured by the robots. Kari snorted slightly.

"We brought him back to the Shredder and he put Dogpound and Fish Face in charge of looking after him" She continued with a frown. Suddenly she pulled out her sword and walked over to Leo. The blue banded leader was hauled to his feet and Karai pressed her sword against his throat once again, narrowing her eyes dangerously.

"As much as I hate you Leonardo, I couldn't stand your little brother getting hurt but you know my father. He tortured him for answers, answers he would never give" Karai said with venom in her voice, speaking about her hatred towards the mutant turtles. The sons of the man, or rat, who took away her mother, or so she thought.

But at the same time, through all the hatred, there was sadness too. As much as she hated them and wanted revenge on the ones who killed her mother, the turtles being one of them, she couldn't stand that a teenager was getting hurt like that. The screams that were torn from his throat, the tears in his eyes and yet the will not to tell anything…

"My dad isn't patient, never was and never will" The sword was lifted from Leo's throat and immediately he was pushed onto his knees again. "He grew tired of your little brother after three days, I was honestly surprised he hadn't told anything by now, with everything Shredder put him through" Karai said, interrupted by loud growl from behind her.

Raph obviously not happy about the way Karai spoke of his little brother. Karai completely ignored the growling turtle behind her and instead trailed towards the small turtle in his hold. Mikey was still shivering badly and tears were leaking down his face but he stopped making a sound, anything at all, his face continuously buried in Raph's hold.

"He decided that if he couldn't get to your father, he would kill one of his sons instead… He drew a lot of blood that day from him, and asked Stockman to duplicate it. They recorded him while beating him and eventually they dumped all the blood in his mouth, giving you guys the illusion he was choking on it."

Raph let out another threatening hiss but stopped immediately when he noticed Mikey's labored breathing. Mikey whimpered slightly and the red banded turtle wrapped his arms around the shaking figure, mumbling Japanese words to him to comfort him. Mikey shakily nodded, but just faintly, and slowly regulated his breathing again.

Leo had stopped struggled, his eyes widened and looking over to Karai and his two brothers. He knew Shredder was ruthless, and was consumed by his hatred towards their father. But to think that he dumped Mikey's own blood in his mouth, letting them think he choked on it was just.. sick. Shredder was seriously sick.

April's eyes were filled with tears, slowly streaming down her face. She knew that Mikey had gone through a bad time. She and Casey found him in the lab, scared and full of terrifying scars but she never thought that Shredder had a saying in this too. He tortured the freckled turtle for days, and eventually 'choking' him on his own blood.

Donnie didn't even know what to say, he could only shudder in horror as his brain took in everything Karai had said. It was no secret Mikey had always been afraid of needles, he hated them. But most importantly he hated blood more than anything, he just couldn't stand it. And to think they drowned him in his own blood…. Slowly Donnie's eyes closed, squeezing a single tears through.

Karai looked around, overseeing the damage she had done by saying these things. From the corner of her eye she had always seen Leo struggling against her footbots, trying to break free but right now he was just an empty shell, staring at her without anything present in his eyes expect for fear and horror for his little brother, and she could even see a tear coming from the human vigilante.

"He would kill him that night, they stripped him of all his gear and his mask, leaving him alone in his cell with the thought he would die soon. I just couldn't let him kill him, somehow I couldn't. Dogpound and Fish face were supposed to guard him, but as usual they didn't" She continued softly, walking over to Raph and Mikey again, crouching down slightly.

"I sneaked into his cell that night, and freed him. He was almost too weak to stand and he was covered in blood from the recording so I had to support him. Even before we got outside the alarm went off, apparently Bradford got back to check on him and noticed he was gone. I could just hide your brother in the alley before they showed up, and I had no choice than to go with them and search for him."

To everyone's surprise Mikey slowly lifted his head from Raph's plastron, looking over to the human in front of him. Raph hissed slightly but allowed Mikey to do as he wanted to do. He still had his arms around him, ready to protect him whenever he needed to but Karai made no move at all, simply staring in Mikey's eyes.

"I-I have no idea what happened after that… Bradford split up but Fish Face was already suspicious so he wouldn't let me.. I really thought you'd be gone by then… but after hours Dogpound came back, blood on his paws and saying he killed you. Shredder was furious and tortured Dogpound by mutating him again and beating him up, and he took Fish Face legs for 4 whole weeks" She said, a slight hint of satisfaction in her eyes.

"I never saw your brother again, and still I was doubting Dogpound's, or Rahzar's, word. As stupid as he is, he wouldn't straight up kill him, afraid to anger the Shredder. You all grew colder from that day, I could never speak with you to ask you Leonardo. That's all I know" She finished, turning back to the blue banded turtle again.

Leo's eyes immediately narrowed when he noticed Karai staring at him, baring his teeth as Raph did just minutes ago. Karai sighed and walked over to Leo. He had asked for the story, and while she agreed to tell, she knew Leo would be beyond furious. Karai motioned the footbots to haul him up once again, and they immediately obeyed, bringing Leo to his feet.

"You had your share in my brother's captivity and I will never forgive you for that Karai" Leo hissed as a threat but then softened his gaze slowly. "But.. you also saved his life, and I cannot thank you enough for doing that, even if things didn't turn out… the way you expected." He finished, giving her a slightly nod, even if he was still angry Karai captured his youngest brother, she was also the reason he was still alive today.

It was Karai who, together with Dogpound and Fish Face fought and captured their little brother, when he was out all alone. She brought him home to her father, watched as he got tortured. And yet she saved him. Shredder wanted to kill him, and if Karai hadn't freed him, Mikey wouldn't be sitting here with them right now.

Karai's eyes widened at Leo's comment. She had expected him to hate her, she had captured his little brother, hurt his family and practically killed Mikey. In a way he really did hate her but at the same time he forgave her for her actions. And still she had no idea what happened with him after she hid him in the alley, she had no idea how he turned out to be alive this day.

They had never said anything about their little brother, and every time an enemy would tease them about the death of Michelangelo they would all go into full rage-mode. Not stopping until everyone was wounded or they were forced to retreat. He had really been dead, they thought so too, and somehow he was still with them.

"April, together with Casey, found him in the lab where she works" Leo started softly, gazing over to the two humans. "They brought him to April's home and called us. That was three days ago. He won't talk to us, and he has huge scars. We don't know anything besides that, and what you've told us." Leo filled her in, and it was true. Karai seemed to know even more than they did.

All they knew was that Mikey had 'died' that night, and then he somehow showed up again in the lab. Karai knew what happened, how he 'died' but she too had no idea how he ended up in the lab, only Mikey did and he was nowhere ready to talk about the things he had gone through. He almost had a panic attack just by telling he was fed through needles, or when he heard what happened to him.

"Footbots, release the turtles and their allies" Karai suddenly ordered, putting on her black mask in front of her face and putting away her sword. "I'm letting you go tonight Leonardo, go home before I change my mind" She snorted and watched how Leo immediately scrambled to his feet and ran over to Raph and Mikey, hesitantly drawing his sword.

Ready to attack as Karai attacked but she did nothing at all, her footbots lined up behind her and she was just staring at them. Donnie helped Mikey with getting up and Raph held him close to his body. Casey stood next to Leo as the rest turned around and jumped to the next rooftop. Raph was now carrying Mikey bridal style, not wasting any time on getting Mikey on his shell again.

It would take too much time and they had to get Mikey home now, before more enemies showed up. If Karai was out, then other mutants would surely be too. Casey and Leo stayed behind for a few minutes to deflect a possible attack but when it didn't come they both turned around. Casey jumped to the next rooftop but Leo was stopped before he could do so by Karai's voice.

"Leonardo" She called out, her voice sounding urgent. Leo turned around in confusion. "I do not wish to hurt you or your family but the others do, keep him safe because Shredder won't stop until he is really dead once they figure out he's alive after all…. Sayonara Leonardo" And with that she was gone, and so was her whole army of footbots, leaving the blue banded turtle all alone, and within seconds he was gone too, sprinting back to the sewers.


	16. Chapter 16

They came at him, all at once. His body had been broken long ago. Even if it if had been just three days. He just wanted to go home, he didn't understand why his brothers weren't here yet. He wanted to be safe again, he wanted Donnie to treat his injuries and curl up in his bed. He wanted his brothers around him, he needed them around, but they weren't there.

The floor was cold, damp and he was shivering uncontrollably. His body was filled with bruises and at some places blood was still sticking to his green skin, his blood. His wrists were cuffed above his head and he was struggling with every breath. His wrist had been snapped the first night already and pain kept radiating from the broken bone while it hang in the air.

His lips were cracked and his throat was dry. He had been screaming too much over the last days and his voice was hoarse and raw, both from dehydration and from the screams. But nothing could prepare him from this. He had been alone for a few hours only, they weren't supposed to come yet, but they did. The door got thrown open and Shredder's henchman stormed in.

Dogpound snapped the chains holding his arms painfully above his head, and despite the utter fear that was now radiating through his body, he couldn't help but to feel an ounce of relieve. Numbness shot through his broken wrist, easing the pain slightly. He was forced onto his shell and his hands were pinned above his head, his legs received the same treatment, pinning them painfully against the cold floor.

The first hit landed on his plastron, immediately cracking a few ribs in the process. Mikey groaned and tried to wiggle free but more foot soldiers came in immediately afterwards and held him down. He could only scream while they continued to beat him. Breaking his jaw, dislocating his shoulders, cracking his ribs and snapping bones in half.

They did it for minutes but it felt like hours and the whole time a random soldier was recording everything what happened to him. He tried to shut his mouth, keep his raw scream to himself but every time another rib cracked, and more cuts marked his body he opened his mouth once again, another raw and painful scream escaping his mouth.

Tears were brimming in his eyes and a small puddle of blood was beneath him. It was warm, sticky and he shivered heavily. A snicker left Dogpound's beak and he sat down on top of Mikey's plastron. The small turtle groaned slightly and spit out a mouthful of blood that had formed in his mouth. His baby blue eyes darkened slightly and he narrowed his eyes, despite the pain he wouldn't give in so easily.

"Give me a break kid" Dogpound snickered as he saw the supposed glare of the beaten turtle beneath him. Mikey tried to remain strong, not wanting to satisfy them with his defeat, but he failed miserably as Dog pound pressed down harder on his broken ribs. The large paw of Dogpound grabbed Mikey's head, squeezing his cheeks so his mouth opened.

Mikey whimpered slightly and started to struggle again, wincing as his body protested heavily in pain. Neither of the men surrounding him paid attentions to the struggling and helpless teen beneath the giant mutant dog and just silently watched as Shredder walked over to the freckled turtle, Karai walking next to him and carrying a large bucket of blood, Michelangelo's blood.

"You're pathetic Michelangelo, and either way your father will perish. You are going to die tonight, and your pathetic excuse for a family will hear everything." Shredder threatened and grabbed the bucket from Karai's grasp. For a second Mikey's eyes met Karai's eyes, his eyes were pleading but the girl merely looked away, closing her eyes slightly.

A last whimper came from the freckled turtle before the bucket was slowly emptied inside of his mouth. The whimper quickly turned into choking sounds and the snickering of the henchman echoed through the cell. The turtle struggled and tried to spit the blood out but every time he succeeded in spitting out the blood more entered his mouth.

The thick blood pressed against the back of his throat, making it impossible for him to breath. He struggled, choked and his lungs burned for precious oxygen. He could feel the blood flowing into his lungs, filling his eyes and streaming down the side of his head, forming a large puddle. Karai refused to watch as her 'father' emptied the bucket of Mikey's own blood in his mouth. And then, after a few agonizing minutes it was over and Shredder snorted.

"Stockman, alter the tape so it looks like he drowned and send it to Hamato Yoshi" Shredder said calmly like nothing had happened and stood up, turning to a few foot soldiers. "Take his gear and sent it along the tape make sure you make it bloody. And you Michelangelo… I'll deal with you tonight" Shredder snorted, looking to the bloody turtle, and left the cell afterwards, not even wincing at the mess he had created.

Mikey whimpered and wanted nothing more than to curl up when Dogpound got off of his plastron but he was immediately attacked by the foot soldiers. Ripping off his mask, taking off his knee and elbow pads. The bandages around his fingers were taken off until he was completely naked apart from the blood splattered on his body and the tears streaming down his face.

The small turtle scrambled backwards and curled into a ball, wheezing with every breath and crying his heart out. Blood was covering his whole upper body and you could barely see any of his usual green skin. He hadn't cried yet, he refused to give them that but now he couldn't contain himself. Karai watched him cry for a few seconds outside the locked cell before turning around and leaving the dungeons.

TMNT

Tears were pouring down his face, staining his brother's plastron. Wind was raging around him as they ran at top speed. Mikey was too afraid to look up, too afraid to make a sound. He could only hide his face in his brother's hold and cry, pray for it to be over soon. He wanted to go home, he wanted to be home right now. He needed his father, he needed his brothers, at home.

Raph's arms were tightly wrapped around his shivering and shuddering body and Mikey whimpered slightly. No matter how hard he tried it kept coming back. The way every punch hit his body, the searing pain of his broken bones, the blood that had choked him that night. Even if he didn't really died, he couldn't breathe at all, even swallowing some of his own blood in the process.

"Hold on little bro, we're almost there" Raph whispered softly in Mikey's ear as he stopped running. Vaguely Mikey could hear the manhole cover opening and he cried out softly as Raph shifted him a little bit. Raph shushed him slightly, trying to comfort him as he carefully placed Mikey on his feet. The freckled turtle whimpered and kept his face buried in Raph's hold.

"Hey now, yer safe but I can't carry you down. We won't fit through the hole" Raph said, trying to joke slightly but frowned when he noticed Mikey wasn't reacting at all. "C'mon Mikey, I know yer afraid, but we're almost home. Don't you wanna see dad?" Raph softly said as he pried Mikey from his hold carefully, looking into Mikey's eyes with curiosity and yet concern.

Tears were brimming in Mikey's baby blue eyes and he nervously looked around. April and Casey were watching the two brothers closely while Donnie was already down in the sewers but looking upwards with concern in his eyes, waiting for Mikey to come down as well. Leo jumping down seconds after Raph spoke to Mikey, finally having caught up to his brothers and friends.

Slowly Mikey nodded and clumsily untangled himself from Raph's hold. His legs felt weak. He wasn't tired and he wasn't in any serious pain but his legs were ready to give out any second now. He had barely walked in the last year, always carried or brought somewhere on the same operation table. A shudder went through Mikey's body but he pushed past the feeling. Taking a deep breath he slowly started to climb down.

It wasn't far down and he honestly couldn't remember how often he had gone down this hole but right now it felt so long. His arms were shaking and his legs were trembling from the strain. Suddenly another quiet cry escaped his throat as one of his hands slipped from the ladder, unable to hold his minimum amount of weight with a single hand he let go, falling down. But not even a second later he could feel two arms wrapping around him.

"Easy little brother" Donnie whispered in his ear as he carefully steadied his little brother. The fall hadn't been long. Barely two or three bars but Mikey was shaking in his hold, clinging to Donnie like his life depended on it. He squeezed his eyes shut, completely ignoring the splashing sound of his brothers and his human friends jumping down.

"Just a few more minutes, we're almost there" Donnie encouraged his only little brother and helped him on Raph's shell once again, it still being the best and fastest way to carry someone. "I'll run ahead and inform sensei" Donnie announced before running off towards the lair. They were in the sewers which meant they were finally safe. And Donnie being the fastest, apart from Mikey, took the opportunity to run home.

TMNT

"Master Splinter? Master Splinter?" The small concentration he still had was immediately snapped when the voice of his second youngest son rang through the lair. Yoshi snapped his eyes open and immediately hurried himself to his feet, running out of the dojo. His eyes scanned the lair and they widened slightly as he only saw his second youngest son standing in the middle of the lair.

"Donatello, what happened. Where are your brothers?" Splinter questioned, trying to keep his voice at a normal level. "Were you harmed on your way home?" Despite everything he had taught himself, and his sons, he couldn't remain calm. His sons were supposed to bring home his long lost son, the one he believed had perished. And now he could only see his second oldest son, no sign of his other sons, or even the humans that were supposed to come with them.

He had seen Michelangelo's condition. The once joyful son that was filled with life and energy was completely broken down. And much to his shame he detected huge scars on his son's body. The thing he had always feared, the thing he had wanted to protect his sons from had finally happened, he had been experimented on because of their different appearance.

"We are safe, I'll tell you what happened tomorrow but Mikey will be here any second now. I ran ahead" Donnie swiftly explained, easing his father slightly. Splinter closed his eyes for a second, trying to calm himself down. He trusted his son, they were safe. Nobody had harmed his sons while they journeyed to their lair and yet he sensed that something had happened. Slowly Splinter opened his eyes again, ready to praise his son when his eyes landed on the figure slowly walking into the lair.

His breath hitched in his chest as his second oldest son Raphael walked into the lair, a pale and small figure on his shell. Michelangelo's face was buried into the crook of Raph's neck and even from this distance Splinter could see the tremor in his youngest son's body. Raph's gaze softened slightly as he saw his father standing next to his immediate younger brother and walked over to them.

"My son" Splinter breathed out, unable to say anything else as he stared at his youngest son. Mikey slowly lifted his face from Raph's neck and caught his father's eyes. Tears appeared in Mikey's immediately afterwards and Raph carefully helped Mikey to his feet again. The freckled turtle stumbled slightly but took a few shaky steps before falling into his father's arms, burying his face into his kimoto.

Splinter softly crouched down and wrapped his arms around his son's shell, bringing him as close as possible. Mikey merely whimpered at the motion but kept his face buried in the soft and warm clothes of his father, staining it with his tears. His hands were reaching for his father's kimoto, his knuckles turning white from the strain while his brothers, April and Casey were watching from a distance as father reunited with son once again.

"It is already Michelangelo, I'm here my son. Hush" Yoshi shushed his youngest son, trying to calm him down and stroking the back of his head to assure him. Slowly tears started to appear in his eyes and even he was unable to hold them, eventually letting them fall freely. He couldn't believe it, after a whole year of missing his youngest son he was finally back in his arms again. Yoshi bowed his head and tightened his grip on his youngest son, continuing to cry.

TMNT

Eventually they had both stopped crying but neither was ready to part. Mikey was leaning his forehead against his father's chest with his eyes open but he wasn't looking at all. His eyelids were slowly dropping from time to time and it was obvious he was starting to get really tired, it was after midnight after all, they were supposed to be sleeping already.

"Master Splinter?" Leo softly called out and placed a soft hand on his father's shoulder. "I think we should all head to bed, Mikey seems pretty tired" He added in a low voice. Yoshi softly uncurled himself from his hold and looked down at his youngest son, who was indeed close to falling asleep. With the back of his hand he quickly wiped away the remaining tears and used his thumbs to do the same by Michelangelo.

"I am sorry my sons, we should indeed head to bed. April and Casey, you are welcome to stay as long as you want, that is the least we can do for brining Michelangelo back" He said, still a bit dazed from his outburst. "Michelangelo, do you want any of your brothers to stay with you for tonight?" He asked, looking over to his youngest son and squeezing his shoulders slightly.

Mikey didn't looked up however and just nodded tiredly. He didn't have any energy anymore. He just wanted to go to sleep right now and forget about everything happening around him, but he too knew he would never forget what had happened the last year, and neither would his brothers or family. Neither of them would forget the sadness they had felt when their youngest brother and son 'died'.

"Ya can sleep in my bed, like we did when we we're younger, ya remember that right?" Raph said as he offered Mikey a hand. The freckled turtle softly extended his hand and with the help of his older brother he was hauled to his feet, still lightly unsteady on his feet and Raph was forced to support him so he wouldn't fall down again.

"If you're thinking we're leaving you two alone you are definitely wrong" Donnie snorted but he was clearly joking and eventually a small smile made its way over his face. For a whole year they couldn't see their youngest brother, for a full year they had missed him at nights, or when they did something together, as brothers. And right now none of them were willing to leave Mikey alone. Leo nodded and walked over to the rest of his brothers.

"Donnie's right, we're not leaving you any time soon baby bro" Leo smiled and placed a comforting hand on Mikey's shoulder. "I'll get any extra mattress to sleep on, doubt we'll still fit in one bed" Leo announced and walked off towards his own room to get the mattress from his bed. Donnie rolled his eyes slightly before walking towards Raph's room. Raph and Mikey just behind him.

Casey and April were already gone, both really tired from tonight and Master Splinter had already disappeared into the dojo. His room being located just behind the dojo where they always trained. Both Donnie and Raph could feel how nervous Mikey was by walking through lair. He hasn't been home for a full year. His room was neatly ordered and boxes full of his stuff were stacked, his bed still unmade so he was unable to sleep in that room, not like they were going to leave Mikey alone right now.

Raph led Mikey into his room and the freckled turtle cautiously looked around. It was roughly the same as he remembered. His older brother still had the drum set in his room, but it had been pushed back a bit, making more room for other things, or in Raph's case, for nothing. Mikey slowly looked to the right and saw that one of the two lockers he always used for storing weapons had been removed. And the photo that Raph always had on the locker, the one with his brothers on it, was now gone.

Slowly Mikey trailed towards the rest of the room. The dark posters Raph always had on his wall were still there but a few were taken away. His bed was still the same, he had the same covers and the same bed they would often sleep in when one would get scared. The only noticeable difference was what was on top of the bed. Mikey had expected Spike to be there, like he always was but instead he was greeted with emptiness.

"Come on bro, let's get ya to bed" Raph called out as he noticed Mikey was examining his room with confusion and yet curiosity. He knew his room got a few both minor and major changes but Mikey needed his sleep right now, and it would be much to tell right now. And he didn't want to bother little brother with the loss of his pet turtle Spike, or their decision to remove any photos of him, healing Mikey was their top priority right now.

Mikey nodded slightly and allowed his older brother to guide him to Raph's bed. The red banded turtle swiftly removed his knee and elbow pads along with his mask, placing them aside. Raph climbed into the bed first, moving until he hit the wall next to him and held up the blanket so Mikey could get under it. Mikey climbed under the covers as well and snuggled close to his older brother.

The purple banded turtle was closely watching his two brother, waiting for Leo to get back with an extra mattress because there was no one to fit 4 turtles on Raph's bed, not anymore at least when he suddenly smirked slightly and laid down on Raph's bed, next to Mikey and Raph. It was a little bit crowded, but they managed, and Donnie grinned at his oldest brother when he finally came into the room.

"Oh I see, you're going to let me sleep alone on the ground?" Leo called out as he walked in with a spare mattress but there was a joking undertone in his voice. He quickly threw down the mattress on the ground, right next to Raph's bed, along with his blanket and pillow. The same smirk as Donnie wore made its way onto Leo's face as he pushed Donnie closer to Mikey and lay down next to his second youngest brother, his plastron into Donnie's shell and holding onto his younger brother.

"Aw Leo, your shell's too fat!" Donnie whined and turned around clumsily. Raph had his arms around Mikey and the freckled turtle was watching the two brothers struggle with sheer curiosity. And at the same time his eyes held some of the joy that had been gone for months. Donnie and Leo wrestled for a few seconds before Donnie gave Leo a hard push, sending him over the edge of the bed.

"Ah!" Leo cried and wrapped his arms around Donnie, pulling him alone and they both went down on the spare mattress Leo had just brought in. "If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me Don" Leo said before they both started to laugh. While Raph's been had been the perfect size for them to sleep on while they were toddlers, right now it was way too small to share it with four large turtle teenagers.

Donnie laughed along with Leo as he tried several times to get back onto Raph's bed but every time he tried he was pulled back by Leo. Raph snickered at the display, every time Donnie tried to crawl onto the bed again, and his face was briefly shown he was pulled down again. And the three brothers were laughing so hard they were unable to say anything about the soft giggles that were now coming from their baby brother but none was about to complain.

Leo and Donnie continued to struggle for a few more seconds and they eventually both gave up. Still laughing slightly but both lying still on the mattress on the ground and none planning on moving any time soon. Leo swiftly pulled the blanket over both of them and allowed Donnie to snuggle close to him while both laughing a bit. Mikey curled into Raph's hold with a small smile on his face.

"It's good to hear ya laughin' again baby bro" Raph whispered and pressed a small kiss to Mikey's forehead and wished his brothers goodnight. Soon he could hear the soft snores coming from both Leo and Donnie, having fallen asleep really quickly but Raph stayed awake for a little more, waiting until Mikey fell asleep as well. The turtle in his hold had his eyes closed and slowly his breathing labored, and only when Raph was sure all three of his brothers were asleep he allowed himself to fall asleep too.


	17. Chapter 17

I always hated waking up in the middle of the night. I would wake up utterly exhausted and desperately wanting to go back to sleep, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't go to sleep any time soon in the next hour. Hours I'd be awake, just merely staring at the ceiling and thinking about new inventions, or trying to fall asleep again, but all those attempts were in vain. I always hated it because it would leave me exhausted in the morning.

I could handle staying up all night, in a way, but somehow I just couldn't handle waking up in the middle of the night. Every morning after such a night I'd be incredibly frustrated, even more than usual. And I could barely function properly. A quiet sigh escaped my lips and I just gave up, cracking my eyes open and blinking for a few seconds. This wasn't my room, it was Raph's.

Something warm was next to me and when I looked to my left I saw the sleeping face of my older brother. Leo had taken his bandana off and I found myself frozen for a few seconds. Huge bags were under Leo's eyes and even while he was sleeping he seemed so tired, and the way he was practically curled up against me made him so vulnerable, just like a year ago.

My breath hitched in my throat slightly and my fingers softly reached out, carefully ghosting over Leo's face. Leo shifted slightly beneath me but didn't wake up which made me frown. This wasn't the leader I remembered, but most importantly, this wasn't my oldest brother I remembered. This was the normal teen he rarely saw. The scared and young boy beneath his 'leader mask'. The one that practically killed himself by thinking it was his fault that Mikey had died, the one that cried his heart out over his death, and the same one who had to be strong no matter what.

"Don, you awake?" a low voice suddenly interrupted the silence and I could barely contain myself from shouting back at him. But a quick glance at my sleeping brother made me rethink that thought. I didn't want to wake him, especially seeing how exhausted he really was. Instead I merely grunted and carefully sat up, and look up to see Raph looking at me.

"Obviously" I whispered and looked down on my baby brother, and yet again I could feel my stomach turn. "How long have you been awake?" I asked, trying to take my eyes off my little brother. I couldn't stand seeing him like this. But eventually, no matter how hard I tried my eyes trailed back to Mikey's hopeless and vulnerable body. He was tightly curled up against Raph's body and Raph had an arm around him.

Small droplets of sweat were trickling down his face and an expression of pain was written all over him, he was obviously having a nightmare, again. It wasn't a bad one, not yet at least. But only by looking Raph in the eyes I knew he was thinking the same as I was thinking, it wouldn't be long before it would get bad, and Mikey would once again wake up screaming in fear.

"Dunno" Raph shrugged slightly. "Been awake for a while but couldn't get up without wakin' Mikey up. What about you, Ya seem pretty tired?" He retorted and watched me closely, waiting for an answer. I merely nodded and lay back down, staring at the ceiling. It was true what Raph said, and I hadn't thought he wouldn't have noticed. I was pretty sure I was having the same bags as Leo right now, And just like Leo I wasn't wearing my mask.

"I just woke up, but you know I can't fall asleep again" I simply responded and closed my eyes for a while, just listening to the soft breathing of both Leo and Mikey. That is until a snicker interrupted my thoughts and I couldn't help but to roll my eyes at Raph's reaction. It wasn't a secret that they all thought it was hilarious, the inability of falling asleep again. And they would often make jokes about it in the morning. Not like I cared, it mostly cheered me up in the morning I was feeling cranky again.

A soft smile made its way up my face as I thought of those moments we used to have every morning I woke up like that. Come to think of it, it had always been Mikey who made jokes about it, Leo and Raph merely went along. Sometimes they added things, and other times they just laughed. My smile however faded when I remembered why it had stopped, Mikey's disappearance. His death.

I still remembered the first time. It had been 2 weeks after he had disappeared and everything was going well. And with well I meant the fact that we were all falling apart. Raph only trained and talked his heart out against Spike, Leo was even worse than Raph, over the last twee weeks he had lost so much weight, and his muscles began to disappear, even though he was always in the dojo. He wasn't eating properly, he wasn't sleeping properly, and that was affecting his health badly.

I wasn't any better, I barely slept and I practically survived on coffee to stay awake. Every time I would sleep I would think about my baby brother. Every time I closed my eyes his screams rang through my head from the DVD, and every time I remembered the reactions when I looked up from the blood. The tears in father's eyes, the rage on Raph's face and the crushing guilt in Leo's eyes.

And it had been two weeks already, I barely slept and much to my shame I lost just as much weight as Leo did. Almost to the point it wasn't healthy anymore. I was tired, and I skipped training because I was feeling sick a lot. And that particular morning I was feeling worse than usual. I woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare, about Mikey, and I couldn't sleep afterwards. And that was the first time there was nobody to cheer me up. And it honestly crushed me from the inside out.

"What's gonna happen tomorrow Don, to Mikey?" Raph suddenly asked, his voice strangely vulnerable and it made me frown. Raph rarely sounded like this but at the same time I knew why. It was the fact that he didn't know what to do. When someone was injured, Raph would defend him, when someone was having a nightmare, he comforted them. But right now nobody knew what to do. Mikey was way too scared to be 'fixed' and I closed my eyes at the question.

"I don't know Raph, I honestly don't know" I answered in all honestly and I slowly pried my eyes open again. "I have to check his wounds tomorrow, but other than that… I have no idea what we should do" I added unsure. A strange uncomfortable feeling washed over me, reaching my bones. I had always been our family doctor, and while I didn't enjoy stitching my brothers up, or relocating bones, I wasn't grossed out by it, I knew I was helping them.

But just thinking about checking on Mikey's wounds make me strangely sick and with this uncomfortable feeling in my whole body. I had seen them once, and that horrified me. It was different from a cut during a fight, it was different than breaking a bone during sparing. He was strapped down, his limbs were cut open while he was completely defenseless and alone. These wounds weren't just a simple injury, they held a complete story, a one year long story.

"He won't like it, it'll freak 'im out" Raph pointed out and I nodded numbly. Of course I knew it. I was already feeling sick over the thought alone, and I wasn't the one who had been kidnapped and tortured on for a whole year. And while I was already not looking forwards to seeing the wounds, I couldn't even predict how Mikey was going to react, if he would even let me.

"I know that, but I have to check on him" I said, realizing Raph couldn't see me nodding while I was laying down. "You should be there if he wants you to be. He trusts you the most, you have the strongest bond no matter how much you deny it" I added with a confident voice. We all loved each other dearly, and no one favorited one brother over another, and yet we kind off did.

Mikey would often come to Raph to seek comfort instead of me and Leo. And at the same time I would go to Leo first for advice instead of Mikey or Raph. It was something we stuck to once we were smaller. And once we grew older, we never grew out of it. And while it helped Raph a lot in the past, with Mikey coming to him and likewise, Mikey helping Raph out when he needed it, it also broke him when Mikey had 'died'.

Raph huffed slightly but decided not to press the subject and even from here I could hear him yawning. Being awake in the middle of the night and talking for who knows how long must've taken a toll on him. And in a few minutes I could hear his soft breathing through the silent room, indicating he had fallen asleep again. I lay awake for half an hour before I followed Raph, finally falling asleep too.

TMNT

It was exactly the type of scene where you could hear the clocks slowly ticking by. The only thing that could be heard was the soft breathing of the only two people in the room, together with the ticking of the clock. Tick tack, tick tack, tick tack. On and on as the scene torturously played itself, slowly as the actions took place. That was exactly what I was feeling right now.

The only sound I dared to make was my own breathing, and even it was barely audible it was still way too loud. Mikey however made no noise or something. If it wasn't for the steady rise of his plastron I would've thought he would've stopped breathing at all, but he didn't. His head was turned away and his eyes were partly open. The usual bright blue eyes were dull and the white part was a shade of red from all the crying.

I quickly pried my eyes away from his and turned back to his arm, slowly continuing to unwrap the white bandages around his arm. Each and every revealing more of his battered skin, it horrified me. The bandages ran all the way from his upper arm till his wrists. And the long surgical scar began in the middle of his shoulder and his elbow, running all the way down and stopping just before his wrist. But the scars didn't stop there.

Once the last arm was exposed I continued with his wrist. And just with his scars, I knew what was beneath it, and yet I couldn't help but to gasp inwards. I didn't want to show my baby brother my shock, knowing he must be feeling worse at the moment. His whole wrist was filled with healing cuts, and the texture of the chains was practically drilled into his skin.

I threw the bandages away in the bin and gently picked up his left arm, looking at the cut a bit closer. 45 stitches were used to sew his skin together, and the same were on his legs. With each passing second Mikey started to tremble more and more, and tears were once again streaming down his face, his eyes squeezed shut as tightly as possible so he wouldn't have to look at his wounds.

I gently lowered his arm again and stood up. The stitches were holding, and there was nothing I could do about them other than letting them stay until his arm has healed enough. I only had to disinfect it again, just to be sure, and wrap them again. His wrist didn't require stitches but there were large wounds all over so it needed to be kept clean, which meant it had to be disinfected and wrapped too.

I grabbed the bandages and disinfect as fast as I could and walked back to my little brother but stopped walking as soon as I saw my little brother. His eyes were wide with fear and his arms were trembling more than usual, his eyes fixed on the collection of stitches in his arm. Tears were now freely streaming down his face and I had to stop for a minute so I wouldn't burst into tears right then and there. I cursed silently, just seconds I was gone, and only in that little time I had failed to protect him form his own scars.

"Mikey" I softly called out and walked over to him, putting everything away and gently taking his hands. "Look at me please, you're safe. No one will ever hurt you again. We're here for you" I softly spoke to him, and gently guided his head so he was facing me instead of his wounds. His blue eyes were shining from all the tears lingering in his eyes and I used my thumbs to wipe the tears away that were now streaming down his face.

"R-R..aph" He hiccupped softly, staring at me with pleading eyes. "P…ple-ease" I was shocked for a few seconds, he was the one who didn't want anyone else in the lab while I worked on his wounds and right now he was asking for someone else to be with him. I knew why he didn't want to. Even if he didn't want to admit it, he was scared out of his shell, being in the lab. And having too many people around would only remind him. I got it, and so did Leo and Raph. And right now he wanted his older brother in here.

"I will get him okay?" I quickly said as I noticed his breathing started to get more labored. "Just stay calm, I will be back within seconds" I added and rubbed his arm to assure him before I stood up, If he wanted Raph, I couldn't ignore his request I didn't want him to get another panic attack. Taking a last look at my baby brother I left the lab, entering the living room. I quickly scanned the room and frowned when I didn't see Raph, or anyone else, right away.

I looked back once more until I heard a loud crash in the dojo. My eyes widened slightly and I started to run towards the source of the sound, only to be greeted by my two older brothers. Raph was on his plastron with his arm twisted behind him and Leo standing right on top of his shell and holding Raph's arm painfully behind his shell.

"Oh hey Don" Leo grinned as he saw me standing in the dojo and quickly let go of Raph. My immediate older brother huffed and rolled onto his shell, holding his arm painfully to his body. Leo grinned once again and extended his hand and helped Raph with getting up. Raph rotated his arm slightly and winced at the sore feeling before turning to me.

"Hey" I greeted Leo before turning right back towards Raph and I frowned slightly. "Mikey wants you in the lab, he isn't doing too good" I said softly and motioned for him to follow. I didn't want to be so straight to the point, especially with everything that happened to Mikey, but I had no choice honestly. Mikey was so close to a panic attack just seconds ago, and he was asking for his older brother to calm him down.

Raph frowned slightly and I knew he was thinking the same thing as I was thinking. He was questioning the sudden change in behavior of Mikey. One time he even refused to go into the lab with me to check on his wounds, then he demanded I'd be the only one to go with him, practically forbidding anyone else from going into the lab, and right now he was begging for his older brother to come into the lab, something was off about it. And me and Raph both knew it.

"What's up with 'im Don, what's with the sudden change of…." Raph started as we neared the lab but he stopped midsentence and his eyes widened. "MIKEY NO!" He suddenly screamed as loud as he could and he was gone within seconds, but he was too late. Despite all of his ninja training, despite all his reflexes he had built over the years, and the promise he had made, he was too late. I screamed as loud as I could for the rest to come, for anyone to come before I jumped after Raph with speed I didn't know I possessed.

"Get a towel now!" Raph screamed as he tried everything he could to keep the blade from touching Mikey's skin again. "Mikey please, you're safe. Stop" Raph pleaded as blood poured onto both of them. I couldn't think, I could only act. Bottles fell on the ground as I reached for one of the bandages I was going to use but I didn't care about them and immediately pressed the bandages onto the bleeding wound.

"L-Lemme go.. I wanna die. .. I-I want to d-die" Mikey cried, tears streaming down his face and tried everything he could to press the blade against his skin again and with a strong flick I knocked the blade out of his hands. "NO!" Mikey cried out and tried to break free from Raph's death hug but each second he slowed down more and more. Blood continued to seep through the bandages until my hands were coated with his blood as well.

"Don't you dare Mikey, stay with us, please" Raph half growled, half pleaded and pressed him closer, ignoring all the blood on top of him. "Mou daijyoubu dakara otouto, mou daijyoubu dakara" Raph repeated but the bleeding bundle in his arms wasn't listening. Mikey flushed from all the color in his face as more blood left his broken body. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and his head fell backwards, then he lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mou daijyoubu dakara – You're safe.
> 
> Otouto – Little brother
> 
> TMNT
> 
> Hey, don't look at me! This was the episode I based this on! :( *hides in a corner* And with that I also finally caught up to the episode, at least the parts I wanted to include. So if you do want to watch it, you can now do so without spoilers for this story ^^
> 
> Now if you excuse me, I'll hide in my basement for the coming.. I don't know.. months.? *runs away*


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many people seemed to be confused what episode I was referring to at the end of my last chapter. So for the ones who are interested - It is Criminal Minds 'The foundation' I once mentioned it at the beginning of the first chapter but that was like three months ago xD Also I have no idea what happened to the length of the chapter… Like one moment I was still around 1000 words, and the next moment I looked I had 6000 words :P Well hope it was worth it!

My head was pounding softly, trying to wake me up from my sleep. I didn't want to wake up. Every time I woke up I was back once again. My dreams were mostly filled with my brothers, my family, the ones that I had left behind. They were torturous, seeing them but not being able to be with them and always cried when I had them and at the same time I was dying for them to haunt me. I did everything I could to remember them. A simple dream was enough to keep me sane.

I needed them, I needed them so badly right now. Everything was burning. My arm was burning from the countless times they've cut it open, my legs were refusing to work. I wanted to cry, hug someone, anyone but there wasn't anybody. There was only them, they would taunt me, cut me open and hurt me. They knew about my brothers, but not because I talked, I never talked to them. I cried for them, praying for them to come, before they silenced me.

They muzzled me, strapping it against my beak so tightly no sound could come through other than the animalistic hisses they forced me to make. I was an animal, nothing more in their eyes, but I knew better. I had brothers who loved me, my family who loved me. I had a human friend who loved me, and who continuously pointed out I wasn't a freak, none of us were. We were just as human as she was. We were humans, apart from the green skin, our shell, our tail and the few animalistic characteristics we still had.

And still they weren't here, no matter how much they loved me. They never came. I stopped counting after 2 months. They weren't coming anymore, I was alone. After all those nights I had cried when I was younger, too afraid of the thought I'd be alone one day, I was really alone. No brothers to watch my back, and nobody to protect me from those people.

My chest restricted, I could still see them, feel them cutting into my flesh, tearing it apart to see my insides. Every muscle, ever droplet of blood, every vein being exposed to the cold air, sending shivers down my spine. I would've complained, if I hadn't been screaming my throat raw beneath the muzzle, if I wasn't wearing that cursed muzzle. I would've attacked them if it hadn't been for the restrains. Or my legs giving out at every attempt of standing. I would've struggled if it wasn't for the excruciating pain I got used to. I would've been home if it wasn't for them.

My eyes twitched slightly beneath my eyelids. Bright light was shining into my eyes. My cell had always been dark, nothing but darkness and dirt I was forced to lie in. And for what? In the name of science. Of course it was, they never cared about me anyways. They thought I was a mindless monster, needing to be chained and muzzled, and that I was doomed to be alone. I knew they were wrong, I knew they were, but as the months progressed and my brothers didn't come.. I found it harder to deny it.

There was soft breathing next to me. It was something to hold on to, it was always silent in my cell, they made it sound-proof on purpose, driving me insane with all the silence, only to break me with the noises of all the tools they used, the buzzing sound of the saw I remembered everything. I haunted me in my dreams. It took me a while to figure out I wasn't there anymore, but it didn't help me in any way. Even though I was out of that terrible place, I would never truly escape.

The wounds would always be a reminder of what happened, how foolish I'd been that night when Karai captured me, the blood that was poured into my mouth and the whole year I'd been separated from my family, the nights I had cried for them to come. My fingers unintentionally twitched beneath me, my wrists and ankles were burning like the chains were still around them. I wanted to look, just to assure me I wasn't there anymore but I couldn't look.

I couldn't face my brothers, not after what I've done. I choose to be a coward when it became too much, I choose to end it right then and there. The only problem was that I didn't want to end it, I wanted to live but the thought of living was unbearable right now. I wanted to live as Mikey again. Not the scared and cowardly teen I was right now. The teen they turned me in.

"I know you're awake Mikey" A stern voice suddenly cut through my thoughts. So many nights I had cried, begged for him to say something to me, just to hear his voice, anything at all and right now I cursed his voice for speaking. I didn't want him to see me right now, I couldn't face him after I had been so cowardly. But I knew I couldn't ignore my oldest brother for long.

I carefully pried my eyelids apart and winced slightly. I was still in the lab but Donnie had been smart enough to put every tool away. A cannula was pushed down my nostrils to give me extra oxygen and to my horror there was a needle in my arm. My heart started to beat a bit quicker as I slowly followed the needle. The beeping noise next to me, which was probably my heartrate, quickened until I finally landed on the sack of blood on a stand next to me. I choked on a breath as I stared at the blood in fear.

"Don't look at it, you need it" Leo said harshly and I flinched slightly, trailing towards my older brother. He was wearing his blue mask again and to my surprise there was a bandage wrapped around his arm. "You lost a great amount of blood, I had to donate some" Again, I flinched. Leo's voice sounded so harsh, something I hadn't heard in a full year. Ever since I came back from that hell hole Leo had either avoided me or be kind to me but right now all that kindness was gone, replaced with anger and irritation.

"What the hell were you thinking Mikey?! Taking your own life like that?!" He suddenly snapped and this time I managed to remain silent. "Do you have any idea what it was for me to find you like that? And what about Raph, Donnie and Master Splinter?! Heck, have you seen Raph?! He was completely covered with blood, your blood. He's completely out of it because of your attempt to take your own life" Leo continued to snap, I just stared at him. I didn't know what to say but unfortunately he did.

"You almost died on us Mikey. You went into shock and I had to give you so much blood because you lost way too much, we even had to use a defibrillator to restart your heart. Do you have.. any idea what would've happened if you'd died Mikey?" He spat out, inching closer to me. I gulped slightly and tried to get away from him but my body refused to do so. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't do anything to protect myself from the scalpels and the scientists, I could only plead for them to stop. To stop the bleeding, to stop the pain. But nothing came.

"We fell apart without you Mikey.. Raph almost fell into depression and Donnie and I weren't any better… We were lost it without you, and now you decide to kill yourself, end it again?!" I whimpered slightly, again, I was going to die again, at least for them I was. Tears jumped into my eyes, I never wanted this, I wanted them to be happy. I wanted nothing more than to be with them again, to love them again.

"Do you have any idea what it would've been like for us? Having you finally home and then dying on us again.. Do you have any… idea…" His voice cracked and for a second I was left confused. Tears slowly started to drip down his cheeks, falling onto the ground without care and then hell broke loose. "I can't lose you again Mikey, I just can't. We finally have you back baby bro. I love you so much, we all do" Leo suddenly said, sobbing and wrapping his arms tightly around me in an awkward hug.

I choked on a sob and wanted to lift my arms, embrace him, hug him back but my arms were refusing to do so. The only thing I could do was bury my face inside of his hug, nuzzling in the crook of his neck and allowing him to cry his heart out. "I'm sorry" I mumbled in his embrace which only caused Leo to cry more. Leo rarely cried, he never cried and yet here he was, fresh tears streaming down his face and wetting my shoulder.

"Why'd you do it Mikey? Do you really want to die? After everything you've survived?" He softly mumbled back. His arms started to shake slightly but still he didn't let go of me, and I wasn't pulling away any time soon. I felt safe within his embrace, like nothing was ever going to happen to me. Like those people could never hurt me again. Something I had wished for for so long now. Someone to protect me.

"I don't want to die Leo" I softly spoke and only then he broke the hug, though he never released me. His hand was firmly sealed over my hand, squeezing it softly. "I-I s-saw the w-wounds I … I-I thought of t-them.. and t-the next m-moment I-I… I…." Tears were now blocking my view and I angrily blinked to get rid of them but more kept coming. I couldn't talk about it, it was just too painful.

I was scared, even Donnie could see it but the wounds had to be looked at, so I allowed Don to unwrap the bandages. Never I intended to look at them, knowing full well I'd be too much of a coward to face them, but the moment Donnie left my side I made a wrong move, my eyes caught the stitches on my arm and I just… lost it. I remember tears streaming down my face.

I needed someone to hold me, I needed Raph to protect me. Donnie has always been my best friend, but Raph was my protector, someone who would protect me against everything, and I needed him. I never intended on killing myself, and sending Don away so I could do so… it just happened when he was gone. I wasn't in the lab, I was back again, them searching through my body, vivisecting me, keeping me locked away for months, and the next moment the knife was at my hand but I was the one that pressed down, screaming for the memories to go away. I couldn't talk about it, not yet and luckily Leo noticed it.

"I understand little bro, you don't have to talk about it when you don't want to" I smiled at his offer. I wasn't ready to talk about it just yet but I also recognized that look in Leo's eyes. He wanted to know what happened, all of them wanted to know. And I wanted to tell them, clarify what happened because they are my brothers and we had always shared everything. But right now I just couldn't. Every attempt ended up with me shaking and crying, and I didn't want them to know what they did to me, they still knew so little.

TMNT

The rest of the day was practically a blur. I continuously slipped in and out of consciousness. Leo stayed with me until I had fallen asleep, and when I woke up after who knows how long, Raph was sitting next to me. He wasn't planning on talking any time soon and somehow I was relieved. I didn't want to explain myself again. I didn't want to talk at all right now. I didn't want to talk at all, but three over-protective brothers made me rethink.

Talking meant sharing. It meant I had to talk about what happened, and I couldn't just yet. Raph never talked, he rarely talked about his feelings, he mostly hit things. And I was grateful he didn't talk, I was too tired anyways but somehow I couldn't get myself to sleep. I tried to ignore him but his presence was painfully obvious. And while it creeped me out, him staring at me like a trained dog, it strangely comforted me, knowing I had my big brother to watch over me.

I didn't know when I had woken up but the next thing I knew was Donnie being next to me. Rather than sitting next to me and just staring at me, guarding over me, he was holding my hand and was sitting on the edge of the bed. He was looking at me with big auburn eyes, eyes filled with concern and fear. And I hated to know that the fear was because of me, the concern was directed to me.

And unlike Raph he did try to talk to me, asking me numerous question about how I was feeling, if I was in any pain and so on, I ignored him. I couldn't stand the look of betrayal and hurt in his eyes but I knew I would lose it when I started talking. I was in pain, my wounds were throbbing and my stomach was begging for something to eat. It was something I was used to, I could handle it, I've been handling it for over a year now. The constant hunger, the never-ending pain, it was something that still made sense.

So I remained silent through his questions, allowing to drop my head to the side and for me to close my eyes. Eventually he left me alone and I once again felt asleep.

TMNT

Raph had always been the thick-headed brother, never listening to Dad's, or Leo's orders. Once an order was given he never listened and always did the complete opposite. The only thing that seemed to make him obey was to either punish him badly, or something to go wrong. When either of us would get hurt Raph would immediately turn into an obedient puppy, after beating up everyone who was responsible of course.

Leo and Donnie were worse, in a way. While Raph was continuously plagued by his stubbornness, Leo and Donnie had them occasionally. Donnie would stay up all nights just to make us better, lose sleep to make another invention, and we rarely managed to change his mind. Leo was our crazy leader, every time something would happen to him he would just vanish, being replaced by this cold-hearted machine that was the definition of determination himself. Nothing could get him off reaching us.

Don once got hurt in a fight because he defended Leo from an attack. Once all the enemies were actually defeated Leo was left with a bleeding foot and Donnie had passed out but not in any danger luckily. And even though me and Raph could've easily carried him, Leo insisted on carrying Donnie instead, and not even Raph dared to argue with him.

But if I were to believe my family, I was the worst. At least they told me so, but it wasn't true, I wasn't stubborn, I was just determined. And that same thought rang through my head at the moment, I wasn't being stubborn, I was just determined. My legs were trembling heavily beneath my weight but I pushed past the feeling. The stitched in my legs were pulling and it felt like they were going to rip any second now.

My whole arms were bandaged, going all the way from my upper-arm to my wrists. The right wrist was wrapped up even more, and I knew what was beneath it. It weren't the scars that were forced upon me by those scientists, it was my cowardly attempt to end the pain right then and there, to never feel pain again. And with that breaking my family from the inside out.

The first steps were bearable, since I had a wall to hang onto but the way towards the kitchen was hell. My lungs were burning from not getting enough oxygen and I ended up folding my right arm around it. My left arm was continuously flailing, trying to grab onto something that could support me. But as I shakily made my way over to the kitchen, I found nothing.

They had to be in the kitchen. It wasn't late yet, barely 6 in the evening and they weren't in the living room. And with no way I would be able to climb the stairs leading to the dojo, they had to be in the kitchen. I would laugh if it wasn't for the tears stinging in my eyes or my burning limbs. The last time I practically ignored my brothers and right now I needed them more than anything, I needed something to assure me I was safe at home, that I wasn't alone anymore.

I groaned slightly and did the first step inside the kitchen, warily looking around. They weren't here, my brothers weren't here. Instead I was looking at the face of a human boy, Casey. My heart started to race again, I wanted my brothers, my family, April anyone I knew. I gasped and shakily did a step back but it was too late, the teen had already noticed me.

"Mikey..? What are ya doing here?" The teen called out and walked over to me. A hiss escaped my mouth and I just wanted to cry then and there. Even after all these days I was still left with the animal they made me into. Casey however didn't seem scared of me, startled but certainly not scared. It was all too much for me, it felt like the flesh on my legs was ripping apart and I lost my footing.

"Wow easy" Casey called out and I felt two warm hands wrap around me. I sucked up a sharp breath but didn't complain. He was Raph's friend, he saved me together with April, he wouldn't hurt me. He quickly put my arm around his shoulders and helped me over to the kitchen seat. I was surprised for a second, my brothers and father always picked me up but then I remembered we weren't human.

We were way stronger than the average human, we could lift more than they could, and with our shell and plastron weighting us down there was no way Casey could be picking me up with those arms. I couldn't help but to release a satisfied sigh as he placed me down on the kitchen seat and I bent over to ghost my fingers over my legs. The bandages ran all the way from my knees until my ankles, literally half of my body was filled with bandages.

"What are you doing out of bed Mikey, you.. you should be resting" Casey pointed out and I looked downwards. All I wanted was my brothers, not someone I didn't know. The rest may trust him, but I had not enough to trust him as well. "Your brothers are to April, apparently there were people sneaking around her apartment but Splinter is still here, do you want me to get him?" Casey's voice was surprisingly low, filled with the same and yet strange kindness Raph would have at times.

I shook my head numbly. I didn't want Casey to disturb master Splinter for me. And at the same time I wanted nothing more, I wanted dad with me instead of being alone with Casey. I trusted my family, I trusted April because I knew all of them before everything that happened. I knew them, but I didn't know Casey. The rest seemed to trust him, but I didn't trust him yet, and yet I didn't distrust him.

"I don't think we properly met each other and all.. I'm Casey Jones" He suddenly started and I frowned slightly. The kind voice was gone, replaced by his 'normal' voice but it wasn't filled with irritation and it was strangely comforting. I slowly looked up and was looking right into his face.

"Hamato Michelangelo" I replied in a soft voice, earning a toothless smile from the boy in front of me. He was tall, maybe even around 6 feet tall. He was probably even longer than Donnie. But unlike my genius brother he wasn't very muscular. Donnie's arm were all muscular, all of my brothers' arms were, from all the training Splinter had forced us to do. And unlike his hardened features, he was still obviously a teenager, older than April was but not a lot.

"Look Mikey, I don't know you very well and all, so what do ya think about playing a game? You ask me one question, and then I ask you one question. And I won't ask about … well y'know. I just want to know more about you… from you instead of your brothers" He started awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. I looked down again, my heart beating in my chest again but forced myself to calm down.

"I won't answer them all" I replied honestly, carefully glancing up to the teen again. Casey's expression softened slightly and he nodded with eager. A smirk stayed plastered on his face as he reached for a chair behind him, lowering himself so he wasn't towering over me anymore.

"I understand Mikey.. but I won't ask you anything bad" He shrugged but it was obvious that he wasn't entirely relaxed, and glancing down at my bandages body I could take a wild guess why. "Okay.. first an easy one. Your brothers all have weapons, what were yours?" I grinned faintly, that was an easy one, I still remembered my babies.

"Nun chucks" I replied immediately and smiled at the memories. I always loved my weapons, they were flailing, and they weren't restricting in any way. You could do so much with them, unlike my brothers' weapons, I looked up to him as I remembered it was my turn. "Uhm… family?" I asked and I tilted my head slightly. I had always been curious about learning things, not like I was interested in seeing the insides of my own arm, but if I were to believe dad I was continuously asking questions to him. Why this? Why that? Something that had stuck with me over the years.

"I live with my father and my 9 years old little sister, Shadow. My mom passed away when Shadow had just been born, I had practically been her mother figure" He said with a shrug but I could still see he missed his mother greatly. I could see it in his eyes. "Favorite animals?"

It was plain obvious Casey was deliberately not trying to ask hard question but I didn't care, I found myself actually enjoying it, I could freely ask him questions, find out the answers I didn't have.

My brothers already knew him but I didn't, I had no idea who this guy was and this was probably the best way to do so. "All animals" I replied, my voice still a bit low. "How'd you guys like meet? I mean I know April was almost abducted, but what about you?" I asked lowly, something that has been bugging me for a long time, I always wondered how these two met each other.

The first time we met April was on our first night out and Donnie had immediately fallen in love with the red-haired teen. Of course his little moment creepily staring at her was interrupted at some points, by the ones who in a way created us. Donnie saved her from falling out of a helicopter but was unable to save her dad and after that rescue attempt we had slowly started to become friends.

"It started out as a normal night when I…" Casey started and I found myself immediately drawn into the story. And the more Casey told about the night he had met Raph, or how they fought at first, the more my smile brightened but never quite reaching my eyes. I was happy to hear about how they met but at the same time it saddened me, because I wasn't there to share Raph's experience of finding another human friend, something I know he had wanted for a long time now.

We continued to talk to each other, each asking question and the more Casey told me about him, about his hobby's and even some things that happened to him in the past, I noticed I began to like him more and more. The strange teenager that I didn't know wasn't the one in front of me anymore. And while I slowly started to get more comfortable around him, I had yet to figure out whether I could trust him or not.

TMNT

"Mikey what are you doing out of bed?!" The voice came so unexpected that is startled me. My body tensed immensely and my head shot to the source of the sound. My three brothers were standing in the doorway and staring at me with either angry or scared expressions. Donnie's expression however changed immediately when I looked at him. "Oh sorry Mikey I'm just… you shouldn't be walking yet" Donnie continued to ramble and shot forwards towards me.

Donnie immediately crouched down and reached for my legs. Raph walked over to me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder, giving me a soft squeeze to assure me. Donnie gave a soft sigh and started to unwrap the bandages around my right leg. It was still burning but I didn't really notice it. I glanced away and didn't look at Donnie while he was unwrapping my bandages.

"Mikey.. you've torn two of your stitches" Donnie suddenly gasped and I winced slightly as he pressed on top of my leg. I could feel a droplet of blood sliding down my leg but I tried to ignore it. "Leo, give me a towel, it isn't bad but I'll need to clean it" Donnie said in a monotonous tone, something he always used when ordering us around when either of us needed a check-up but I knew it was a way to keep his emotions at bay, so he could focus on getting us better. Though when one of us was in direct danger he turned really scary, basically worse than Raph or Leo.

A towel was pressed against my leg and I winced again, it started to throb a bit more but I ignored it, this was nothing, I have had much worse. The towel shifted slightly and when I accidently looked I saw that Leo was holding it in place. He had grabbed a chair and had dropped my leg on top of his lap, pressing the towel against my supposedly bleeding leg. At the same time Donnie was unwrapping the bandages around my other leg.

"You didn't pull any on this leg but whatever you did didn't do anything good to them. I can see visible strain from the stitches on your leg Mikey" Donnie said with a sigh and put away the bandages. "We need to clean it, and honestly it would be better to bathe you but with what happened the last time.." I shifted uneasily, of course Leo would tell Donnie about that. And it wasn't like I really blamed them.

"I-It's not my fault …" I hesitantly started, drawing the attention from both my brothers and Casey. I glanced up to the latter, looking at him with pleading eyes, hoping he'd get the message. Took him a few seconds but eventually he seemed to understand what I was trying to say. He gave me a short nod and then quickly left the kitchen. Leaving just the four of us. My brothers seemed a bit confused when Casey left the kitchen but none of them said anything.

Donnie had left my leg alone and was now curiously looking at me, waiting for me to start talking. Leo still had the towel pressed against my leg but the pressure had loosened so it wasn't pressed too tightly, and Raph still had the hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes in an attempt to calm myself down, something that was doomed to fail from the beginning.

"T-They would ….clean me with this… garden h-hose… i-it hurt, especially m-my .. my…" My fingers ghosted over the wound on my arm and I looked down, unable to look them in their eyes. I looked up to them with watery eyes and Donnie nodded slightly, indicating he knew what I was referring to.

"They w-would chain me and spray the cold w-water at me and I … I couldn't do anything to stop t-them. The w-water was i-ice-cold and .. they would l-leave me to dry for hours" I finished and wrapped my arms around my body, in an attempt to get rid of the imaginary cold that lingered around me. I closed my eyes as another shiver rolled down my spine.

I'd be helpless when they would shoot the icy water at me. I wouldn't be able to move for hours due to the extreme cold, waiting for nature to dry me and eventually warm me up again. The only positive point was the fact that they'd leave me alone for a full day. Which always was bliss. My scars never had time to heal, every time they would cut the same wounds open again, every time they would….

My eyes snapped open as two arms wrapped around me from behind me. I raised my hands in a defensive gesture and within seconds the arms left. My hands however didn't stop there, going straight towards my head and grabbing my temples. I wanted to run away, get away from them but I couldn't. If it would be them I'd still try, being free from the chains, but right now I was done.

If I would've been there I would've run, push past the pain and risk tearing my stitches. I would do anything to go back to my brothers but it was no use trying now. My brothers would stop me before I could leave the kitchen. I couldn't help it really. After months of being alone, and learning company meant pain and being cut open, I found it hard to relax in their presence. I knew they'd never hurt me but it was something I couldn't get rid of so easily.

Confusion and yet hurt was shown on Leo's and Donnie's face and for once I was grateful I couldn't see Raph's face. I rejected him while I needed it, and yet I couldn't help it. "M'Sorry… I just…" I mumble, and I was pretty sure nobody had heard me but I didn't care at the moment. I was just so confused. I wanted to be with them, really but too many people made me uncomfortable.

"If you're not comfortable with us bathing you, you can tell me… if you really don't want it I can do it by hand" Donnie never said the words 'but it would be better if we would bathe you' but I knew he wanted to say it. I knew my older brothers, and yet I didn't. They were so different than I remembered. Raph seemed less angry all the time and more passive, Leo wasn't the teenage leader we always knew, who mostly didn't know what to do but he had grown into a full leader and big brother.

Apart from the moment I talked to him a few nights ago. Donnie was different too. He was like Raph less loud. He would mostly be energetic, not as much as I was, but still very energetic and present. But right now he was more grown up, and less noisy. Donnie was still looking at me, and so was Leo, waiting for my answer but I simply shook my head.

"I'll manage.. it's just that…" I stopped for a while again, trying to find a way to say it. I didn't want to look like a whine baby but I wanted to tell them. "They were with so many .. and I was on my own" I softly started, scratching the back of my neck uneasily. I watched as Don's face fell slightly but there was a twinkle in his eyes. I knew that look, it meant he understood.

"It scares you when we're with so much right? It makes you think of .. that place" Donnie asks, deliberately avoiding the word lab, and it was obvious he was struggling not to say it. Pausing in the middle of the sentence to form another word that wouldn't 'hurt'. And somewhere I was grateful he did, I had no idea what hearing about that place would do to me, and I had no desire to find out what would happen.

"If I'm the only one with you, will that be okay for you?" He continues, glancing over to me, and I nodded to him. I'd rather not but no matter how scared I was of being washed, I couldn't deny that the last time with Leo and Raph wasn't bad at all. The water was warm and they wouldn't soak me in the water, they wouldn't leave me gasping for air and they didn't leave me alone to be dried by the cold air.

"Okay it won't be long, after I cleaned your wounds I just need to take those two stitches out and replace them, Leo, Raph can you find a crutch in the meantime. It'll help him to get weight off of his legs, so if he'll be careful he'll be able to move through the lair without our help or tearing his stiches again." He said and I smiled at him. Even after a full year he still remembered how I hated to be stuck on the couch, or being dependent on my brothers to move around the lair when I was either sick or injured.

Leo nodded and shot a look to the person behind me. Raph however didn't complain, the only sound he made was an annoyed huff before he left the kitchen. Leo sent me an apologizing look before he carefully set my leg down again, which had probably stopped bleeding, and walked after Raph. My genius brother let out a sigh and stood up as well, walking over to me.

He had no problem picking me up at all, and it surprised me how much muscles he has gained over the last year, Raph had always been the muscular guy but Donnie was coming pretty close. I glanced at my own arms, over the months I could only watch to see mine disappear until only little remained. I shook it off and allowed Don to carry me to the bathroom. Can't say I wasn't nervous, but I trusted my brothers, I trusted Don so I allowed Donnie to carry me around, the motion already way too familiar to me.


	19. Chapter 19

I was unfamiliar with the feeling, I knew I had experienced it before but it was a memory that was being suppressed by fear. The feeling let me disorientated, confused. I couldn't remember a time when I had felt like that. I knew I had felt it before but I could simply not recall a time when I had actually enjoyed getting a bath. A moment when I could truly relax and close my eyes.

Don led me to the bathroom and did as he promised. He was gentle, he didn't push me, or try to rush me. He was patient with me even though I was taking way too long. I could feel his eyes burning, drilling into my shell but I ignored him. I knew he just wanted to help but I just… couldn't. He offered me, and I would've accepted his help without a doubt, if it wasn't for those people, if it hadn't been for that year.

They strapped me down, made me useless, they were in control. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn't the one in control, they were. Not anymore, I wasn't there anymore but at the same time I wasn't in control. I couldn't walk myself, and yet again I needed to be carried around the lair. I always hated it, but I accepted it because I knew I was too injured to walk through the lair. I knew I was too injured right now, but I didn't care, all that was going through my head was the feeling of finally being in control.

Don was still standing in the door opening, watching my every move. My hands were firmly grasping the sink, trying to get some weight off of my legs, which wasn't much. They never fed me more than necessary and my stomach had shrunk during the year. Leaving me with my own ribs poking at my skin, but not thin enough to be unhealthy. And yet it was clear Donnie was worried about my condition. Even Raph and Leo noticed it.

"Mikey?" Don softly called out, again. My legs were trembling beneath me and my arms were doing everything they could to keep me on my feet. I knew I was being ridiculous, the whole point of me needing to be cleaned was because I walked, tearing my stitched in the meantime, but I just couldn't give up so easily. I needed the control. Raph carried me before when we got here, it was the same situation.

I was too weak to walk but I needed to be moved, and right now I was in the same position. And yet it was different. Maybe it was the dried blood on my leg, maybe it was the water in the tub that made my heart race and maybe it were the exposed wounds on my legs that freaked me out, made me remember them. I let Raph carry, so why couldn't I allow Donnie to help me? I didn't know, I only knew that I had to do this alone. I needed the control.

"I can help you Mikey, you don't need to be ashamed" Don tried to offer but before the words even properly left his mouth I was facing him, my lips curling upwards and another hiss escaping my lips. He didn't show it, he didn't visibly showed the fear but I saw it in his eyes, the change in his stance. He was afraid of me. Tears brimmed in my eyes, my own brother was afraid of me. Because of my actions. Because of what they made me into.

"Just leave me" I whispered and turned around again, taking another stubborn step. Of course he wouldn't leave me alone. My eyes landed on my wrist, that is what happened the last time he left me alone. He wouldn't do it again any time soon. My legs buckled again and before I knew what was happening my leg gave out beneath me, sending me crashing to the floor.

I heard Don cry out my name and rushing over to me but I paid no attention to him. I just had to get up again, I could make it. It was only a few more meters, I could… make it. My arms were the only thing holding me up right now but even those were trembling beneath the little weight I still carried around. My muscles tensed as I felt Donnie nearing me, and I knew what he was going to do. Help me, take away my only control. I wouldn't let him. I hissed again. I didn't want to, I didn't want to be the animal they forced me to be, I wouldn't let them win but only the fact that I had hissed at my older brother made me realize they already succeeded.

"Mikey?" The name felt unfamiliar, almost weird. I slowly gazed towards him, looking at him with anger lacing in my eyes. "You're safe otouto" Don whispered to me and looked at me with big auburn eyes. I couldn't take my eyes off of them. I could see fear in his eyes but still he never left my side. Before I could stop myself tears were once again brimming in my eyes.

"Don't take it away… please" I was vague and I was sure Donnie wouldn't understand what I was referring to, but of course I'd forget how smart he actually was. "I need it" A simple nod came from him and he carefully reached out for me, almost like I would be afraid of my older brother. I could never be afraid of him, I loved him. It were the memories that was messing up my brain at times.

Don muttered something under his breath before he carefully slid his arm behind my shell so he could help me up. I gave him a firm nod, convincing him it was okay and he carefully helped me up, supporting me but not carrying me. A sharp pain shot right through my leg but I ignored it. All that mattered was the control.

TMNT

My brothers never left me alone, they didn't dare to anymore. I wasn't even sure why they didn't want to leave me alone. I knew it had to do with my .. previous action. The one where I had a blade against my wrist, and even though I convinced Leo I wouldn't do it anymore, it was clear he still didn't trust me enough to be left alone. I didn't understand, they left me alone that first time I woke up.

It was an emergency they said, there were people around her house, who were possibly about to hurt April, or her dad. That wasn't the thing that scared me, of course I was scared for April and her dad. I didn't really know her dad apart from the little time he stayed with us at the lair but I was really close with April, almost like a sister, I didn't want her, or her dad, to get hurt but that wasn't my first concern. No, the thing that scared me the most were the people that were sneaking around.

I heard them talk a few hours ago. They thought I wasn't around but even after a year of having been there, I was still a ninja. I had gone to the bathroom, the only reason Raph had left me alone for a few minutes, and I caught their conversation on my way to the bathroom. Leo and Raph had found me a pair of crutches so I could walk around the lair myself, at least without tearing my stitches, or with too much pain for that matter.

But the pain still lingered. My legs trembling beneath me but I wouldn't give in. Leo, Don and Casey were talking with April in the dojo and it sounded serious. It only took a few seconds for me to realize that they were talking about the creeps around April's house. Don had told me about those, and why they had left me alone a few hours back, but he hadn't told me who they were. And apparently he didn't know either.

They hadn't seen who they were, but April had, and had recognized them. And apparently the reason why they hadn't told me was because I knew them too, I had been with them for a full year. They knew April had set me free and they knew her address. They knew where she lived, who her family was, everything about her. And they wanted me back. They came looking for me, they wanted to recapture me, take me away again. And they would hurt April to do so.

Raph found me half an hour later, completely frozen. I didn't know what to do honestly. The only sound I was hearing was the sound of Leo and Don sparring, and Casey occasionally joining them, April had already gone home long ago. I didn't feel like moving, I didn't feel like doing anything. I didn't know what to do. Somewhere I already knew they would want me back, I was their most precious experiment as they kindly told me countless of times.

I was going to be the scientific breakthrough. Of course they would want me back but still the thought hit me. They were actually looking for me, tracking down April because they knew she set me free. Casey was with her too, but he wasn't the one who worked at that lab, he wasn't the one they knew. And it wasn't like they could go to the police to get that information, they kept me a secret. They wanted to keep me for themselves. They wanted to take all the credits for discovered god knows what because of me.

I wanted to move, honestly, I just didn't know where to. The lair felt strange, it was my home. The place where I grew up together with my brothers, the place where I had lived for 15 years now. And yet the year of absence made the lair … different. It wasn't my place anymore, not really. My stuff was gone, it wasn't my home anymore. It was their lair. I had nothing to do, what could I do? I didn't know.

Nothing made sense anymore. My usual hot-headed brother wasn't the one I remembered. He didn't have his usual temper anymore, and even sitting in my own room felt weird, strange. My shell was resting against a pillow, keeping me in a half-sitting position. My legs were being supported by soft pillows as well, they eased the burning slightly but it never fully disappeared.

The bed was basically the only thing that was still in its rightful place. The rest of my stuff had been packed in large boxes and all shoved to one side of the room, it was a mess and the room suddenly felt really small. My Bradford cupboard was gone as well, but Raph had told me that one was gone permanently, I didn't care. He was a jerk, and I don't know if I could stand looking at him right now, he looked too much alike.

"Ya doing okay over there?" Raph's voice suddenly cut through my thoughts. I huffed slightly and fought the urge to roll with my eyes. He had spent around 10 minutes to make me comfortable and not even minutes afterwards he starts asking me how I was doing. Can't lie, my legs were burning like hell but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Besides I didn't want to take the risk of Donnie having to ease my pain with even more drugs. I was already hating on the small dose he gave me while stitching my leg back up.

I gave my older brother a nod but didn't open my mouth. Raph didn't seem convinced but returned to the stacked boxes nevertheless. My small TV was already back in place, including a few posters on the wall but my room still felt like a stranger to me. The boxes stacked in my room needed to be unpacked again, if I wanted to sleep in my room properly. I was just glad Raph had offered to help because I wouldn't have been able to do so myself.

"Raph?" I softly called out when he moved towards my bed, placing on of the boxes on top of it. He glanced up to me for a second before opening the box and reaching in. "Why did you pack my stuff?" Raph seized his moments for a moments, staring at the photo in his hands. He sighed and threw the photo towards me. I picked the photo up with confusion, looking at it. I knew this picture, this one used to be in Raph's room.

I felt my chest tighten slightly, it was a picture of Leo, Don and me, before that faithful night. I was at the right bottom of the picture, with my face very close to the camera and a bright smile on my face. Don and Leo were a little more behind. Don had his right arm over Leo's shoulders and was waving at the camera with the older, wearing a smile as well while Leo was smirking at the camera, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Imagine seeing the person you have lost everywhere around the lair. Everywhere you go you see the smile of the one you loved." Raph stopped for a second and looked at me. "None of us handled your death very well Mikey, and while we didn't want to throw these away, we couldn't stand looking at them, so we all stacked it in your room" Raph explained to me and while he wasn't tearing up or crying I could see he was hurting by saying those words.

"M'Sorry" I mumble, not really knowing what else to say. It was my fault after all they had suffered all these months. Because of my foolish behavior that night. If I had just gone to my room, or had done something else instead I wouldn't have bugged Leo, and he wouldn't be angry, angry enough to allow me topside alone. It was an unspoken rule never to go topside alone, something we'd broken often, but that night it proved fatal.

"Ya have nothin' to be sorry for" Raph said with a distant voice and reached for the box once more, taking out a stack of photo's. Some were still in their photo frame but others were without. He placed them next to me and picked the first one. Unconsciously I reached for another framed photo and swallowed when I saw which one it was.

It was a large frame including two pictures underneath each other. The upper one was us as tots. We were around 6 years old I guess and dad found us some paint. Of course we weren't about to paint the paper, instead we turned to each other. Leo and Raph soon started to wrestle with each other, trying to paint each other as much as possible, and while they did so I secretly pained pink hearts on Raph's shell, while Donnie stood by laughing.

The next photo was us in the tub. Leo sitting at the end and Raph's shell facing his plastron, Leo was trying to rub off the paint from Raph's shell and smiling while Raph was glaring at me. Donnie was helping me with getting the paint of and I was holding a small yellow duck. It was mine, I could still remember him but I was offering it to Raph because I knew he was angry with me.

He eventually accepted it and forgave me, but of course he got me back the next day. It was dad's favorite picture and he always had it in his room. He loved the picture but he had stacked it in the box.

"He still tried y'know? Keeping the picture" Raph said, not taking his eyes off his own pictures. "It was a week after we stacked everything here when he too gave the picture away. He didn't want to show but I could hear him sobbing in yer room, at first I didn't know what he was doing but the next day he hadn't come out to train us and I checked on him, only to see that the picture was gone"

With shaky hands I returned the frame, and Raph accepted gratefully, putting it at the other side of my bed. We continued to unpack all the boxed in my room. He did the carrying while I unpacked the things inside the boxes. They had been really careful with everything. All the stuff that had come from my room was all packed in separate boxes from the things that weren't from my room.

It took us a few hours to set everything back in my room on the rightful place, apart from the Bradford cupboard, that was gone forever. We made separate stacks of pictures and stuff that needed to go somewhere else. One stack for Raph's room, one for Leo's, one for Don's, one for dad and of course things that used to be around the common room. I smiled when I was done, my room was finally looking like my room again.

It was around 9 in the evening when we were both done but none of us felt like moving. I was still on my bed with my old T-pod currently in use. Donnie had upgraded it while I was gone, in fact he had done it that night. And music was currently sounding through my whole room. I didn't feel like doing anything at all so I just lay there, humming along with the song slightly while Raph was sitting against the wall. My legs were placed on top of his lap and he was reading a comic book, but I could see him looking from time to time.

I looked up in surprise when Raph's phone suddenly rang. My older brother seemed as surprised as I am and picked up his t-phone. He frowned slightly and pressed his hand against his other ear, like he was trying to block out the noise in this room. Immediately I turned off the music and looked with horror as Raph's face paled. I wanted to open my mouth to ask who it was when a terrified scream came from the other end of the line.

ApriI.

TMNT

Sweat was trickling down my face, streaming down onto the ground. My chest was heaving, trying to take in my precious oxygen but my body was refusing to do so. My eyes were narrowed, and my stance ready to attack if my opponent would attack. I was watching him, waiting for him to do something but what happened next was something I didn't expect. The swords lowered and he stood up, tension leaving his body.

"That's enough for now Don" He told me, not exactly in a leader-tone but it wasn't something that was supposed to be argued with, and yet I did. I kept my bo-staff pointed at him, my eyes narrowing even more.

"I'm not tired, attack me" I retorted, trying to hide the continuous heaving of my chest. He however didn't attack me, he just stood there, watching me with the same narrowed eyes I was giving him at the moment. From the corner of my eyes I could see Casey looking at me with a confused look on his face but I ignored him, I wasn't tired. And if Leo wasn't going to attack, I would.

Leo's eyes went wide when I suddenly started running towards him, my staff pointed towards him and ready to attack him. My legs felt heavy but I ignored the feeling. I wasn't tired, I could still continue. I twirled my staff around, trying to hit him but to my surprise he wasn't there anymore, I didn't even saw him moving. I blinked and turned around, only to see Leo standing behind me with a worried look on his face.

"Attack me I said!" I growled and raised my staff above my head, Leo took this as an advantage and used the hilt of his sword to hit me in my plastron. I doubled over and dropped my staff on the ground, clutching my pounding plastron and started wheezing. Leo then did a round kick, taking away my legs and making me land on the ground with a hard thud. Before I could stand up again a sword was pointed at my face, and a worried looking Leo glancing down at me.

"What were you thinking Don? I said training was over" He said but there wasn't any anger in his voice, just concern and yet he kept his sword pointing at me. It wasn't until tears appeared that he lowered his sword. "Casey could you leave us alone for a second?" Leo calmly asked but not taking his eyes off of me. I did the same, never taking my eyes off of him as I listened to Casey's disappearing footsteps.

The swords of Leo clattered on the ground and he walked over to me, sitting down next to me. My little fight only made my breathing worse. I was wheezing and every breath left me unsatisfied. I needed more, I couldn't get enough. My plastron was rising and falling and I started to feel light-headed due to the oxygen loss. Leo put a gentle hand on my shell, softly rubbing it to help me.

"What happened Don?" Leo whispered, still rubbing my shell. I moaned slightly and leaned into his touch, letting my head rest against his plastron. He immediately understood and put his arm around my shoulder, bringing me even closer and trying to sooth me by rubbing his arm up and down my arm. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to get rid of the tears that were brimming in my eyes, but the only thing is did was force the tears down my cheeks.

He nudged me slightly as he noticed I wasn't answering. I couldn't tell him, could I? I needed it, I needed the distraction. Every moment I wasn't distracted memories of Mikey flashed through my head. He would never hurt me, I knew he wouldn't but he terrified me. The look in his eyes when I approached him.. it wasn't Mikey, it was a wild animal. They turned him into an animal, there was an animal in his body, which Mikey was trying to suppress but was failing miserably.

"I'm … so happy Mikey's back L-Leo.. I just can't stand seeing him like this. They turned him into a wild animal" I spoke with a distant voice. "He's fading right under our noses, even if he doesn't notices himself, he w-won't be the same ever again. They tortured him too much L-Leo. He's already gone" Tears were now leaking down my face while Leo had me tightly pressed against his body.

"They'll pay Don, they won't live. And Mikey will be okay, you'll see" He sounded so sure, so confident. Like he knew everything was going to be okay. Almost like he knew that Mikey would be bouncing around the lair within a few days. He would be laughing and pranking us again like he would always do, like it was before he got kidnapped, truth was, this wasn't going to happen. I choked on a sob and reached for the bandages around my left arm, slowly unwrapping them.

Leo shifted slightly and looked at me while I was carefully unwrapping the bandages around my arm. I was honestly surprised he hadn't noticed them before. We all wore them, but never this long, or this much. I hesitated for a second before taking off the last layer. Leo gasped next to me, putting his hand on top of his mouth. I looked away and showed him my arm.

"He bit me Leo"


	20. Chapter 20

I stared, for a long time this seemed to be the only thing I was able to do, stare at Donnie's arm. A moon-like shape was imbedded on his arm, not breaking the skin but leaving a mark nevertheless. There was no doubt, Mikey had bit him. And yet I just couldn't believe it. Even though the evidence was right in front of me, I couldn't believe he would do such a thing. Why would be bite Donnie? Mikey seemed fine when Don carried him outside the infirmary. His legs and arms were all wrapped up again and the blood had been washed away.

I swallowed and took my eyes off of Donnie's arm, slowly trailing towards my little brother. His head was casted downwards and he was looking down with tears streaming down his face. I sighed at the sight, trying to keep my own tears at bay. I said we'd fix this, I said everything was going to be alright but only seeing the mark on Donnie's arm made me realize we were far from okay. We couldn't fix this like a broken bone or a dislocated shoulder.

I shifted slightly and wrapped my arms around my younger brother, pressing him closer to my body. This couldn't be fixed, Mikey couldn't be fixed. He was too far gone to be 'fixed'. They made him into an animal. I don't know how they managed but they did, and they were going to pay for it. We still don't know what happened in that lab, we have no clue other than the physical wounds on his body that would always leave huge scars, but we had no idea about his emotional scars.

We knew they ran deep, they changed him completely. The happy and carefree little brother we used to know was gone. He was far gone, too far gone to be 'fixed' but I wasn't giving up hope just yet, and neither were the others, we just couldn't. We just couldn't give up on Mikey, not when that certain act made Mikey into this. None of us would stop until Mikey was back again, even if it would take years to do so.

"We'll figure this out Don, we'll fix him eventually" I stated, and even when those words left I could feel a part of my heart fading away. He was far gone, too far gone to be 'fixed', it didn't matter. They just had to believe. Mikey could be cured, we just had to believe and be there for him the best we could. Using my thumbs I wiped the remaining tears off of Don's face and gave him a reassuring smile, but even without seeing it I knew it wasn't reaching my ears.

"I just want my little brother back, I hate seeing him upset but this… this is something else" He proclaimed and despite all my efforts new tears were streaming down his face again. I sighed sadly, taking his arm to rewrap the bandage.

"He needs time Don, and so do we. We just have to be careful with him, he has come a long way already. Remember when he didn't want to talk at all?" I started, wincing at the painful experience. "He got over that as well, he'll be okay in time" I just hoped my voice was confident enough and Don believed my lie, or wouldn't notice me lying because I wasn't believing it. It didn't matter, as long as he believed it. He didn't need to worry, that wasn't his job.

It was mine.

I pulled out of the hug with a frown casted on my face when I heard hurried footsteps nearing us. I recognized them immediately. Sensei was already silent as the wind, and nobody could ever sense or hear him coming, Mikey could be silent when he needed to be but mostly chose not to be, and considering he was still on crutches it could only be one person, Raph. I instantly knew his footsteps but what worried me were his panicked breaths.

"Leo, Don!" He yelled before even entering the dojo, I quickly jumped up, immediately alerted by the panicked sounds of my younger brothers. I wanted to open my mouth to ask him something, I didn't even know the reason why Raph had freaked out like this but I had this feeling it wasn't good. He was breathing heavily and his face was flushed, like he had just seen a ghost or something. And only one thing came to my mind, Mikey. But before I could say anything Raph had opened his mouth already.

"April's in trouble guys, we gotta help her" Raph called out, worry covering his whole face. I felt so bad at the moment, at first I felt so relieved it wasn't something with Mikey, I don't think either of us could've been able to handle that. I felt relieved, that is until I realized what the consequence Mikey's well-being had, April's safety.

"Slow down Raph, what happened?" Donnie called out before I could even react.

And yet Donnie was far from calm. He was upset, he couldn't hide that, tears were still lingering on his cheeks and his eyes were bloodshot. But it wasn't the sadness that was now on his face, it was confusion, worry. He was obviously worrying for April, one of the human friends they had, one of the best friends they had. The girl who had been with them over a year, the one who saved Mikey from that hell-hole.

"April called ma.. those guys were back again and... April was hidin' in her closet and then she screamed... and then nothing" he breathed out, trying to catch his breath. "We gotta help her guys. It were those guys that captured Mi-" He stopped, he just stopped mid-sentence, and only when he did I recognized the small figure standing behind Raph.

The red-banded turtle stiffened when Mikey neared him and it was clear he had sensed him long ago. Mikey just stood there, balancing on his crutches with all his might to stay on his trembling legs. Silent tears were streaming down his face but his face was filled with determination. He knows, just the look on his face tells me he knows about April already.

"I know about them Raphie.. don't hide it from me" He whispers. My face hardens and I curse inwards. Of course Mikey knew, he was still a ninja of course. But this wasn't the time to think about that, If Raph was telling the truth we had to move right now. It was my job, I was their leader.

"Don, get the shellraiser ready, Raph get Mikey to Master Splinter and meet us at the shellraiser, I'll grab our weapons" I said, leaving no place for them to argue. I always hated using that voice, I hated commanding my brothers. But it was necessary right now, April needed us right now, we needed to move fast.

The trip was nerve-wracking. I was driving as usual but unlike all the other times I was completely ignoring every streetlight and ignoring every traffic rules. The only thing that mattered was getting to April as fast as possible. She was our friend, she counted on us right now. And in a way, we were the ones responsible for her mess.

We didn't need any talking to know what we were supposed to do. Some simple hand movements were enough for them to understand. My sea blue eyes, as Mikey often described them, fully disappeared and were replaced by my white ones, my face set with concentration. From the corner of my eyes I saw my two younger brothers doing the same thing, their eyes being replaced by white ones and them grabbing their weapons.

The shellraiser was parked in the alley next to April's house and all three of us took off. Donnie left, Raph right and me in the middle. I was mostly the master in keeping my emotions in control, unless Raph was bugging me again, but mostly I had my temper under control, especially in these scenarios. Stealth and silence were very important in these situations, baiting your enemy and stick to the shadows, waiting for the perfect opportunity.

That changed however when I reached the first floor of April's apartment. My blue eyes overpowered again and they widened. I cringed slightly but at the same time I could feel anger bubbling up inside of me. In the middle of the room was April, her hands tied behind her back and three armed men standing around her with guns in their hands. One of them was actually pointing it at her while the other two were looking around, probably waiting for us, or Mikey.

I gritted my teeth, they weren't going to take away April as well. Not when I was around, this time I wouldn't fail my family. I didn't even think twice and before I knew my shoulder was going straight through the window. Glass flew everywhere and immediately three pair of guns fixed on me. My eyes narrowed and once again my white ones took over while I charged at the three men.

Three guns weren't even close to stopping me. I could feel the bullets passing me but not even one hit me, not even close. The only thing that was preventing me from killing them was the decision we'd made back at April's house, letting Mikey confront with these people again. That was the only thing that would keep them alive, for now.

"I'm warning you, if you hurt my family again you won't be as lucky as you're now" I hissed, my voice coming dangerously close to Mikey's. I was hissing at them, the same sounds my little brother was producing when he was scared or threatened but at the same time it didn't even come close to the hissing of my baby brother. Two of the three had already fled but one was still standing in front of the open window, ready to jump. I pointed my sword at him, but he merely snickered, and yet a determined look on his face.

"We won't stop until we have him back. We'll wait until we can cut him open again" The man snickered, he was trying to get to us, I knew he was. I tried to block him out but I could feel rage bubbling up inside of me. He had captured Mikey for a year, he had hurt him and turned him into a terrified animal, he had hurt April in the hope of getting Mikey back, and he thought all of this was just a joke. He enjoyed cutting open my little brother. I wasn't even bothering to stop my raising anger.

"You fucker!" An angry voice screamed next to me and without even looking I could tell who it was, Raph. A sai came flying towards the snickering man but before it could hit its target the man was gone, his laugh echoing through the room. The sai hit the wall due to the angle and Raph angrily walked over to his fallen weapon, picking it up with anger clearly written all over his face.

He put his sai back in his belt and looked out of the window, a snarl on his face. He was pissed, I could see that but at the same time there was something else. I growled in annoyance and turned back to April. She was looking at me with big eyes while Donnie was undoing her restraints. And even when her arms were freed and Donnie helped her up, she kept staring at me, fear clearly present in her eyes.

I sighed miserably and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her and bringing her closer to my plastron. I smiled softly when she returned the embrace, wrapping her tiny arms around my shell, though she could hardly reach my shell at all. She eventually released me and I looked at her with worry in my eyes.

"I'm okay Leo, they just scared me that's all" I let out a dry laugh, was I that easy to read? I frowned however when I noticed her wrists. There were red marks around her wrists were the ropes had bitten into her skin. I gently reached for the wrists and exanimated them up-close. My fingers ghosted along the marks and I closely studied her reaction, she stiffened slightly but didn't seem to be in pain.

"Those creeps will come back eventually, we have to get April to the lair" Donnie stated, exanimating April's wounds as well but calming down once he saw they weren't that bad. I nodded to him and handed April over to Donnie, the red haired teen was still a bit dazzled by the attack and slightly leaned on Donnie. My second youngest brother looked over to me and gestured to the window, and much to my confusion Raph was still standing in front of the window, where the man had been just minutes ago.

"Get April home, we'll walk home" I mouthed towards Don and he gave me a simple nod before taking April with her. "Raph" I said softly as I turned towards him. My immediate younger brother stiffened slightly but didn't react or turn around. He didn't even acknowledge me consciously. I walked over to him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, worry on my face.

"They enjoyed it" He spat out, still not looking at me or really acknowledging me. And to my surprise I saw tears burning in his eyes.

"They enjoyed cuttin' him open, ya saw the look on his face. He thinks it's a fuckin' game" Tears started to roll down his face, slowly and torturously. And for once he didn't care about me seeing him cry, it wasn't often when he was like this. He mostly hid his emotions from us, covering it up with his anger. The last time I'd seen him cry was the night we discovered Mikey was still alive. And even then he didn't cry as much as he was now. And yet he wasn't sad, he was angry with those fuckers who dared to hurt our baby brother.

And only then it dawned on me, Mikey was getting to him as well, just as Mikey was getting to Don. My immediate little brother was breaking down in front of me because of everything that happened in the last few days, and I hadn't even noticed. Mikey's death has been so hard, probably the hardest thing we had to go through, until now. The shame of realizing we had left him for a year, the confrontation every day we saw him, the tiny improvement in the last few days, and the knowledge that he'll never be the same again.

Donnie and Raph were already breaking under the pressure, I wondered how long it would take for me to crumble. No, I couldn't think like that. I had to be strong. I should be there for my brothers. I couldn't put myself first, I had to look after my brothers first. They were allowed to because they were my little brothers, it was my job to look after them, I couldn't afford to break down like this. I was their leader, their big brother. It was my job.

"They'll pay Raph, we'll make sure they do. And we'll cure Mikey" And again a part of my heart faded away with my lie. I felt sick even saying those words, I hated lying to my brothers. And I felt sick for doubting myself. I wanted nothing more than to believe Mikey would get better, but the emotional state he was in… he was too far gone to be 'fixed'. He would always be haunted because I sent him away that night. My fault.

"Damn right, they'll all pay for what they've done ta Mikey" Raph growled, angrily wiping his tears away. "They know where April lives Leo, it ain't safe to let them live any longer, you know that" He suddenly states, finally directly speaking to me for the first time during the conversation.

"I know Raph, it's just… I believe it'll be better to take Mike with us.. if he's up to it." I softly said, wincing when Raph suddenly turned around with an angry expression on his face. He wasn't angry, just fully at least, he was trying to hold back.

"I get ya Leo, I really do but think about April! They want Mikey back and they know April's address, her dad, her friends, Casey, everything! We're fuckin' mutant turtles, we are the only 4 of our kind, they won't stop until they have him back, including us." Raph hissed. I sighed, it was true, we were the only four of our species. Dad pointed it out numerous times when we grew up. We couldn't show ourselves to the humans, in fear that we would be captured.

He told us many times about the things that could happen to us, cruel some may say but in a way it had also prevented Raph from going topside, and possibly getting himself captured. Raph had always been the stubborn one and ones he'd found out about 'humans' he wanted nothing more than to explore the surface, despite dad's obvious rules about not being allowed to the surface. Dad had caught him near a manhole cover one time, almost reaching the surface. That's when dad told all of us, about all the things they'd do to us.

We were still young and grew scared of the surface. Well we weren't scared, just not interested anymore. When we grew older that changed however, we were able to protect ourselves and like any other teenager we wanted to explore new things, go against all the rules. But we never went topside without dad's permission. It's also one of the reasons Raph works out so much, he wants to be strong enough to protect us from all those evil humans dad has told us about.

No wonder this whole thing is bugging Raph like this. He felt like he had failed, everything he had trained for was a waste. He couldn't protect Mikey from the humans on the surface while he had trained for it for years, he failed. That's what he thought at least. None of us blamed him, not even Mikey. And it wasn't his job, it was mine.

"I'll talk to Mikey once we get back home, okay?" I knew why Raph was like this, I understood why he was acting like this, he wanted to protect April but I couldn't agree with him just yet, I talked about it with Don and he too thought it'd be a good idea, if Mikey was up to it that is. But at the same time we couldn't wait for Mikey to agree, Raph was right. April would be in danger if we let them live, only for the possibility of helping Mikey a little bit, we'd risk too much. We had to go tonight. With or without Mikey.

When I walked into the dojo I was surprised to see both Sensei and Mikey meditating. Our energetic brother never liked meditation, he could never sit still but right now he almost seemed death. The only thing keeping me from rushing towards him was the steady rise of his plastron. His eyes were closed and he seemed peaceful, like nothing had happened. That was until you travelled to his limbs. His arms were wrapped up from his upper arm till his wrists. And his legs were covered from his knees till his ankles. And underneath those were the horrifying scars that would almost remind us, would always remind him.

"Sensei, Mikey?" I asked softly, not wanting to startle my little brother. Father cracked an eye open, looking over to me before shutting his eyes again. I frowned slightly, what was he doing? But my question was answered when Mikey suddenly opened his eyes as well. Dad was helping him to the physical world again, and as soon as Mikey opened his eyes, dad did as well. Looking over to me for a second before turning towards Mikey.

"You were doing great Michelangelo, we'll resume this tomorrow" Splinter said in a kind voice and handed Mikey his crutches. I walked over to him and helped Mikey with getting up since he was still injured. Occasional hisses left his mouth but for once they weren't meant to threaten us. It were his wounds that were bothering him, and causing him pain. Once he was finally standing up I decided to open my mouth.

"April's safe in the lair, but we need to discuss something very important" I said, looking at both Mikey and dad. My little brother let out a soft whimper and crept a little closer to dad, who wrapped a comforting arm around him. I took a deep breath, it wasn't personal, Mikey was just taken back by the urgency in my voice. He understood what I was referring to.

Dad nodded to me and looked down at Mikey. The blue eyes turtle nodded numbly and followed dad out of the dojo. I followed them, keeping my distance from Mikey so he wouldn't feel threatened. I knew he wasn't afraid of me, just the thing we were going to discuss. He knew it was going to be about him, and he was right. It was about the things that happened to him, or the people who did those things to him.

When we left the dojo, four pair of eyes landed on us. April was sitting on the couch next to Donnie, her wrists wrapped up slightly so she wouldn't irritate them. The burns weren't bad and Don already treated them. She just needed to wear the bandages for a day just to make sure that the cream would do its work. Casey was sitting on a bean bag chair and Raph was sitting on another couch.

I kept my face straight as I walked over to Raph and sitting down next to him. Dad helped Mikey sitting down on the couch and I winced as Mikey let out a hiss in pain. Even after all this time his wounds were still bothering him. Which wasn't very surprising since they were huge but it still wasn't pleasant to see him in pain every time he made a wrong move.

"Mikey.. this is going to be very hard and you have to completely honest okay?" Don suddenly started, keeping his voice low not to freak Mikey out. Everyone looked at the injured turtle and it was clear he was starting to get uncomfortable. He once again crept closer to dad and reached out to him. Eventually he nodded, looking up to Donnie.

"The people who hurt you are now after April, they know she rescued you" Donnie started hesitantly, he really didn't want to freak Mikey out but he had to say it. Shock was clearly present on Mikey's face, fear, but at the same time concern as his eyes switched to April. Tears welled up in his eyes as they landed on April's wrists.

"Oh Mikey, don't worry. They didn't hurt me, I just have some slight burns, nothing to worry about" April tried to soothe but it obviously wasn't working and the tears kept coming. "Don't cry Mikey, I swear I'm okay" She softly said and walked over to him, sitting down next to him and presenting one of her wrists to him. She smiled comfortably and gently unwrapped one of her bandages. The marks on her wrist weren't as bad as before and they were healing well. In a few days they would be gone completely.

Mikey shuddered and gently reached out for the wrist. There were still slightly marks on her wrists but they weren't as violent as they were before, and obviously the cream that Don had used was helping the wounds. The injured turtle took a few steady breaths and nodded slightly, letting go of April's wrists.

"It's not bad Mikey but they could do something worse. They can't stay alive if you don't want April to get hurt badly." Donnie continued once he saw Mikey calming down slightly. "We are going to .. well finish the job tonight and we all thought it would.. that it would be a good idea for you to come with us" he finally finished his sentence. A heavy silence surrounded us and we all looked over to Mikey with curious expressions.

Dad wasn't looking very pleased, he knew about our plan and even though he agreed, he wasn't happy with us killing. It went against our honor, we only killed when we really couldn't do anything else. But luckily understood the situation right now, we could do something else but at the same time we couldn't. We couldn't allow to let them live. They could hurt April, Casey or her friends. They wouldn't allow a mutant turtle to walk around freely, they wanted Mikey back.

"You don't have to do it Mikey, only if you want to but we believe it'll be good for you to see the ones that hurt you defenseless" I tried to explain but my explanation made Mikey only frown even more. Raph sighed and placed a soft hand on my shoulder, like I had done with him back at April's house. I sighed and closed my mouth, just looking over to Mikey.

Mikey sniffled slightly and wiped his tears from his face, looking up to me. Determination making its way on his face.

"I will go with you"


	21. Chapter 21

I was worried. No that wasn't the right word. I was anxious. I could practically feel my heart beating in my chest, my hands clamming from the sweat. Even if I didn't want to, my hands kept coming back to my wrists, where the rope has been cutting into my skin just a little over an hour ago. They were itching slightly but Donnie had treated them properly so they weren't really bothering me, apart from the itch that is.

But that wasn't the thing that worried me, no, it was the small turtle that was sitting next Raph on the ground. Leo was driving the shell-raiser, his face was left without any emotion but you could see his tense muscles, he was just as stressed and worried as I was. Don wasn't any better, he was acting really passive and his stress was just too obvious, not like I would blame him.

Raph had his arm around Mikey, pressing him against his own body to protect him. He wasn't looking at any of us and you could see how tense he was, his hands formed into strong fists. Mikey wasn't doing any better. In fact, he seemed to be the worst one around here. Which wasn't weird considering we were practically bringing him back to the place where he was experimented on for a full year. He had every right to be anxious like that. And if you really thought about it, it was actually pretty weird.

Bringing him back to those people. The people who had hurt him, kept him locked up for all these months, kept him from going back to his family. But I knew better than to think like that. Yes, we were bringing him back, but it was to help him. Seeing the people who had hurt you can be shocking, or traumatizing, but in Mikey's case it could help him. Seeing them all tied up, and vulnerable. Seeing that he is in control and not them may help him.

And at the same time that thought wouldn't stop me from worrying. We were bringing him back, I've seen the place. There was medical stuff all around the place, he is gonna freak out, I know he will. Seeing his scars when Donnie needed to look at them drove him to killing himself, or trying to. Even if he assured us that he didn't want to die, he still tried to when he saw his scars.

I had no idea how he would react, and maybe I didn't even want to know how he'd react. I just wanted to go up to Leo and tell him to turn around, go back to the lair and help Mikey from there. But I knew I was being selfish with that thought. We all agreed, Mikey agreed, Donnie did, Raph, Leo, Splinter. All of them agreed to do this. And we were going to end this tonight.

It took us about 10 minutes to get to the lab where I used to work. Mikey visibly tensed up when we arrived and he buried his face in his knees, that were drawn to his chest. His body trembled and shook but he never made a sound. Me, Leo and Don were the first ones to get out of the shell-raiser, immediately followed by Raph and Mikey. The freckled turtle was struggling a bit to get out of the shell-raiser but Raph helped him with the crutches.

No words were spoken as soon as we were out of the shell-raiser, in fact nobody made any sound at all. Getting inside the building wasn't very difficult. I knew the building, I knew about the working hours. Leo had used his katana's to slice through the locks. It was honestly scary seeing them like this. Their eyes were all white and all of them were focused, nothing able to snap them out of it. They all understood how important this was.

As we neared the lab section of the building I could see Mikey creeping a little closer to Raph, the tremors becoming more clear. Tears appeared in his eyes and he was clearly getting nervous. Though he kept his mouth shut, not allowing himself to make a single sound. He knew he couldn't, not now. Not until we had the ones responsible for his capture. Voices could be heard from the other side of the door, and I immediately recognized them.

The low and gruff voice of the bearded man, the one who tied me up just a few hours ago. The one who found me in the closet. And I could immediately feel anger building up inside of me. Raph and Mikey would stay outside the room while me, Leo and Don would take out the people inside. It wasn't safe for Mikey to come in immediately and someone had to stay with him. And these people weren't ninja's, they were barely a threat. The only thing that made them dangerous was the knowledge of their existence.

The rest was all a blur. I remember storming inside the room, following Leo and Don closely. There were 5 of them, 4 men and one woman but before I could even properly hit one of them, Leo and Don had already knocked them off their feet, tying them down. Gags were placed across their mouths and only then I allowed myself to relax, stashing my tessen and trying to slow my breathing.

I forced myself the calm down, to block out the thought that was now occupying my mind. These people, these were the ones that hurt Mikey and kept him from returning home. But the thing that angered me even more was the fact that I had either seen them around the building, greeted them happily, or I knew them. I talked to the woman, Grace, I've heard stories about the bearded man called Joe, I laughed with Adam. But I blocked out the thought, this wasn't about me.

"Raph" Leo called out with a blunt voice, looking down on the 5 captives with a hateful glare, practically ignoring his two brothers slowly shuffling in. On the far right of the group was Grace. I knew her, that was the worst part. When I first came here I was... well a stranger. I didn't know anybody, and all my co-workers were like really old. She was different. She was only 26 years old and she started talking to me, I liked her. And now I hate myself for liking her.

She was one of the people to hurt Mikey, she kept him here for months and I hated her for that. She was looking at me with pleading eyes but I glared back at her. I couldn't imagine her hurting Mikey, she was kind and loving. In the time I got to know her, I viewed her as an animal lover and a family person, someone who'd never hurt someone, I was so wrong.

"Scream and you're dead" Leo hissed lowly, venom dripping from his voice as he approached the humans. He was pissed, all of them were and I wasn't about to blame them. These were the guys that hurt their baby brother, these were the ones that had kept Mikey from returning home. And if Casey hadn't pushed me that night, he'd still be here, suffering from all their experiments.

Leo and Don weren't even careful with pulling off the gags, but as predicted none of them screamed, too afraid to have one of Leo's katana's up their throat. No, they didn't scream. Four of them didn't make a sound but the middle one, Joe, suddenly began to laugh. His head slammed back and a low giggle-like laugh escaped his throat, not even afraid of the four giant turtles that were surrounding him.

"What's so funny?"

I had expected Leo's katana, or at least Leo's voice. But I was honestly surprised to see Donnie's bo staff prodding at the man's neck, his eyes narrowed with hatred. The man however didn't stop, didn't answer but the laugh died down until silence filled the room. His eyes slowly trailed towards me for a split second, and then slowly towards Raph and Mikey, a grin spreading on his face.

"Not bad reptile, didn't think you'd have the balls to come back" Joe snickered, examining Mikey's form. Bandages all over his limbs, wrists and ankles, crutches under his armpits, his whole form tense and his gaze fixed on the bearded man in front of him, struggling to hide his emotions. I felt sick just standing here. I recognized all of them. I worked with them, Mikey had been so close the whole time. I trusted them.

"You were always the cry baby, 'Raphie help me, Leo, Don I need you' boohoo, look at me." Joe laughed like all of this was one sick joke. He was crazy. One hundred percent mad. He didn't even care about the possibility of dying, or he did a real good job at hiding it. But I knew him, I knew all of them. I didn't know him that good but I heard stories.

Ever since his family died in an explosion he'd gone crazy. He used to be a nice guy, working in a lab, cutting open animals. But after the death of his family he turned cold, and he didn't care anymore. He was like a second joker, didn't take anything serious. I hated him for that. I felt bad for him, losing your family couldn't be easy but that drove him to doing… this. He hurt Mikey without regret. And that was something I could never forgive.

"But you came back, and why? To see where I cut you open, how I broke- "

I winced at the words, he didn't even care. The only thing he saw was an animal, he didn't see the loving little brother I saw, that they guys saw.. He only saw his shell, his green skin. He only saw a rare animal, someone to make him rich. And he didn't even care. But before I, or the guys, could say anything Mikey did a step forwards.

"Shut up"

His voice was angry, his eyes were narrowed with loathing. Honestly, I had never seen Mikey like this. In the last few days he has been so quiet and un-Mikeyish. But even before all of this happened, he rarely cursed, and when he actually did curse it was bad. Like him burning himself on a frying pan and trying to get his mind off the pain. This time it was different.

The sentence was filled with anger.

"Can't handle the truth freak? Too cowardly to hear how I kept you from your family for a whole year" Joe snickered. The reaction was instantaneous. A strong hand wrapped around the hilt of a katana, green eyes were replaced by white ones and a blade erupted from Donnie's bo but again Mikey was the first one to verbally react.

"Mate" he whispered demandingly, holding up on of his crutches. I frowned slightly, the captives having the same reaction, I recognized it as Japanese but I had no idea what the word meant. Though the reaction was clear. The grips around their weapons loosened and they stepped backwards slightly. Whatever the word meant, it was a command. Ordering them to stay back.

"At least I have a family to come back to" Mikey hissed, raising his chin slightly but even despite his attitude I could see the fear twinkling in his eyes. The grin drained from Joe's face and the mysterious twinkle was replaced by a cold glare. And Mikey wasn't afraid of the glare, he continued to talk.

"You of all people should know how it is to want to be with your family but you can't be with them... The stabbing pain in your heart the moment you think about them but you endure it just to remember them. You should know... so why.. why did you..?" Mikey continued, his voice cracking and his face crumbling slowly.

"Why did you keep me here?"

An instant silence filled the room, the only sound that was left was the heavy breathing of Mikey. Glances were exchanged among the 5 people. For a second I allowed myself to glance to the right. Raph's eyes were practically burning with anger and it was clear he was struggling to hold back, to not to kill them right away. Leo and Donnie were both angry, furious even just like Raph.

I couldn't say I knew how they felt. I didn't have any siblings, I was never robbed of my little brother before. I never had to through such a loss. I never had to deal with the shame and the guilt that Leo was dealing with, the knowledge Donnie had about Mikey's death, the crushing loneliness Raph was experiencing. I never found out my little brother was still alive, only to find out he'd been experimented on. I couldn't know how they felt, I couldn't understand their rage and regret.

But in some ways the guys were like family. I viewed them as my brothers. Mikey was the little brother I never had. And it hurt me to see him like this, and knowing what happened to him in the last year. It was crushing and only the thought made my stomach turn in horror. I was already crushed, but the guys grew up with Mikey, it was like having a part of you being ripped away.

"We... we didn't know little one..." The man on the left side of Joe interrupted with a low voice, his eyes hopefully behind his glasses. His name was Adam. He was around 40 years old and he was a real nerd. He wasn't that handsome but very intelligent. He was the funny one, and I could always laugh around him. I would occasionally sit with him during lunch, just talking and cracking jokes along with the other workers.

And right now I felt sick just recalling those moment.

"Yes you did! You heard me that night when I spoke in my sleep... you were the one to muzzle me, you... you knew I had a family.. " A single tear made its way down Mikey's face but he quickly wiped it away, straightening his back slightly, anger making its way on Mikey's face. "I know why you did it, money, fame. Am I right?"

I already knew the answer, and honestly I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. The moment his head moved up and down I could feel the color draining from my face. yes. He was admitting it, he was admitting he did all of this just for the money. Mikey suffered all those months... for money. Because of the egocentric creatures humans are.

Raph growled low in his throat and did a step forwards but Donnie caught his wrist, pulling him back slightly. The red banded turtle whipped his head around in anger but Donnie simply shook his head, and somehow that was enough to calm Raph down though it was clear he wasn't happy with the situation, none of them were. Including me. Mikey's hands clenched, his body trembling as he opened his mouth.

"Kono yarou"

A shudder went down my spine and the guys seemed to have the same reaction as I had, wincing as the swearwords left Mikey's mouth. Even if I wasn't an expert in Japanese, I knew what the sentence meant. It was filled with anger, anger directed to the people in front of him. But especially to the man who was trying to act innocent. The one who muzzled him and was now trying to make up for it.

"How would you feel, if you can't see your family for over a year.. how do think I felt? I may be a freak but I still have feelings y'know. I can feel the pain, I can miss my family. You saw me crying and never did you pity me? You never thought about your own family, how it'd be if you can't see them anymore?"

Tears were now silently streaming down his face and the trembling never ceased. He was shaking, and clearly in pain, both mentally and physically and still he stood his ground. Adam shyly casted his eyes downwards, looking down at the ground in shame and regret. But I wasn't buying it and Mikey didn't even budge at the gesture.

"I... I'm sorry" He eventually stuttered, his voice barely above a whisper. My face twisted in anger and a loud growl erupted from Raph's throat, closely followed by a strong fist connecting with the wall, leaving a large crack in the wall and Raph grunting with pain.

"You're.. sorry.?"

It wasn't even a question. It was a statement filled with disbelief and anger. He was sorry for what he has done. He admitted his acts, hurting Mikey, keeping him from his family and the only thing he could say was 'I'm sorry'. Mikey had every right to question his statement.

"You're sorry?!" Mikey repeated himself, anger now dripping from his voice. "After all you did.. after everything you've done to me. You... " Mikey suddenly grew quiet, his eyes closing. Tears were still running down his cheeks and his breathing got uneven. The crutches beneath him started to shake a bit more and Don hesitantly did a step forwards.

The moment Mikey's eyes opened I knew something was terribly wrong. His eyes were filled with panic and were a faded shade of blue. It was like he wasn't even here, he wasn't even focusing. Tears were lingering in his eyes and his whole form was stiff and tense. Sweat was trickling down his forehead and he clearly becoming anxious, terrified even.

"Tell it reptile, tell your 'family' what we did to you"

Joe pushed, a cocky grin on his face. Mikey choked back a sob and hung his head low, gripping the handles of his crutches so hard until his knuckles were turning white, tears still leaking down his face. Anger was replaced with worry and Leo slowly walked forwards to his little brother, ignoring the whisper of protests coming from both Raph and Don.

"What are you waiting for freak?"

Leo carefully put his hands on Mikey's shoulder, squeezing it slightly in an attempt to calm Mikey down a little. The blue banded turtle stood tall and confident, glaring at the five humans in front of him, and for the first time in my life I was truly disgusted to be associated with humans. I hated what they did for themselves, they only cared about money and their own wealth, not caring about others but as soon as they were threatened they turned around, but I knew it was for the show.

"They know"

Mikey's reply was short and muffled. He was hiding something, something only he and those people knew. Something he didn't want to tell us. And Joe wasn't about to let it go. He was insane, he knew he was going to die. He just wanted to let Mikey suffer as much as he could.

"Have you told them how much you tried to scream when we vivisected you? Your arms, your legs. When we broke your bones and-.." Joe started, causing Mikey to squeeze his eyes shut. But before he could finish his sentence another voice stopped him.

"Joe stop, you're only making them angry" The woman on the right, Grace, hissed at him. And suddenly I could feel myself getting angry again, she tried to act like she cared so we wouldn't kill her. I wanted to lash out right now, scream at her, all of them but I contained myself for Mikey's sake.

"Don't you see it Grace, they're gonna kill us anyways. They're here to revenge their littl' brother. we're dead anyways" The sad thing about his remark was the fact that he was actually right. He knew why we were here, he knew we were going to kill him, all the people who were responsible for Mikey's scars. Grace snapped her mouth shut and Joe chuckled lowly before fixing his gaze on Mikey again.

"Did you tell them how we broke and cut your tail?"

That was the last straw, the last thing that Raph needed. His neon green eyes were replaced by cold and white eyes. A horrifying roar erupted from his throat and he leaped forwards, fists held back and within second his fist connected with Joe's jaw. There was a sickening crack and Joe's head shot to the side, blood filling his mouth.

"Shinjimae, yatsume, saitei, iyarashii" Raph roared, striking Joe with every individual word. Blood covered Raph's knuckles and his eyes were still white, no recognition or emotion other than anger present. His lips were curled upwards, his teeth bared. Swear words, I didn't know what they meant but I knew that they were swearwords.

Leo did nothing, just tightening his grip on Mikey but Donnie charged towards Raph, wrapping his arms around Raph's body to keep him from striking again. Don didn't back down but immediately wrapped his arm around Raph's striking arm, preventing him from hitting the man again. Raph roared again, kicking out, attempting to get Donnie off of him.

"Doke Donatello!" Raph yelled, trying to strike the man again but Don held on, not allowing Raph to strike again.

"He isn't worth it Raph" Don softly said before whispering something in Japanese, too fast and too low for me to catch it. Raph growled but eventually nodded though it was clear he wasn't pleased with leaving the man alone and turned around, walking away from both Don and the humans. Joe's face was a bloody mess, blood dripping from his mouth and two teeth lying in front of him.

His eye was starting to swell and bruises were already forming on his face. And I was glad Raph did it, Joe deserved everything that Raph did to him, he deserved every bruise. He deserved the pain, the same pain he caused Mikey. Raph's knuckles were bloody, and one was still injured from the punch he delivered to the wall. Don was now standing next to him, a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You know what's the difference between you and me?" Mikey suddenly said, his voice still quivering. "I have a family to miss, I have people who love me waiting for me at home. You're all alone, and you'll die alone" The comment made Joe narrow his eyes in anger, his joking character suddenly disappeared. I didn't pity him, not by a long shot. Maybe I would if he hadn't done all of this to Mikey, but he did.

"Make it quick, I don't want to be here any longer" Mikey added in a whisper, disconnecting himself from his oldest brother knowing Leo would need to do the job as the oldest. Instead Donnie walked over to Mikey, wrapping an arm around his little brother and leading him to the exit of the room. None of them looked back, knowing Mikey was at his end right now. His eyes filled with tears and his whole form shaking.

"No wait, April stop them! You can't do this!" Grace suddenly screamed, tucking at her restrains in an inevitable attempt to get free but the ropes were too tight. The others were trembling with fear while Joe was smiling through the pain. "You can't let them April, I have a family at home. Please April!" Grace continued, not ceasing her struggle.

I glared at her, not trying to show my doubt. Just seeing her, all vulnerable and tied up made me regret this decision. She did have a family at home, but so did Mikey. And she never regretted her decision to keep Mikey from his family for so long. He was scared, filled with cuts and marks. He was never going to be the same again. And that fact surpassed the fact that this was my friend, a human like me, a female who had an own family.

"Mikey had a family as well"

That's when I turned my back on my own kind, walking outside the room. I was immediately met by the sight of Mikey sitting on the ground, his head buried in between his knees and his form shaking as sobs escaped his throat. I had only a second to take in the scene before two strong arms wrapped around me, and I was pressed against Don's plastron.

Fresh tears started to stream down my face. I didn't even know why I was crying. I knew them, maybe that was why I was crying. I allowed Leo and Raph to kill them. I was okay with them killing my kind, and I was not okay with that. I wince when the cries of the people were silenced. The slashing and stabbing sounds coming from the room telling me one thing.

They were never going to hurt Mikey ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mate- stay
> 
> Kono Yarou – something along the lines of 'you jerk'
> 
> Doke - get out of my way.


	22. Chapter 22

"And?"

That was the first thing that left my mouth once Donnie left Mikey's room. His skin seemed pale and his face was flushed. I didn't like it, Don looked so defeated, tears twinkling in his eyes. He slowly looked up to me, sadness clearly present in his eyes and he sighed miserably. Unconsciously I gripped the fabric of the couch, trying to calm myself, which wasn't working very well.

My other hand was still wrapped up with some bandages, because yet again I couldn't contain my anger and I went pushing the wall, and Joe's face. Not like I was regretting a single action, those assholes deserved every punch I gave them. In fact, they deserved so much more. Don took a deep breath and he casts his eyes downwards.

"Joe was right" Numbness spreads over my body and I could practically feel the color leaving my body, the little color that was still left. "There were surgical scars on his tail, the same he has on his limbs" Don continues with sadness in his voice, refusing to look any of us in the eyes. They… they fucking cut his tail. I knew.. I was expecting it already but Don just confirmed that they really mutilated his tail.

"Those….BASTARDS" I yelled in frustration, my hands itching, begging for me to hit something. "We killed 'em too fast Leo. They deserved ta suffer!" I exclaimed, walking over to my dummy before rapidly starting to pound it, ignoring the stinging pain it gave my right hand. They deserved to suffer, they deserved the pain. We killed them too fast, too soon.

I can feel anger radiating through my body but this time it's different, it isn't just anger. It's sadness, pity. I don't feel anger, it's not the only emotion I feel this time. Unlike any other times my mind isn't clouded during my rage-attacks. No, I can still think right now. Just the moment I need it, just the moment I don't want to think, my mind decided to fuck with me again and allowing me to keep my consciousness.

And every damn time the familiar pain shoots up my arm from hitting my right hand, Mikey's face pops up again. Each time it's different. I see his blood, I see his scars, the terrified screams, the whimpers he let out, the nightmares he suffers from. Those fuckers who fucking tortured him for a whole fucking year! And we let them go, we killed 'em too quickly. They deserved the pain. Why?! Why did we, they deserved the pain.

"Because Mikey wanted it Raph. He didn't want any of us turning into a monster" Leo says calmly. He's trying to comfort me, I really understand that. And I honestly appreciate him because I know, even though he tries to hide it, that's he's just as broken as we all are. But it ain't helping, in fact his calm attitude only pisses me off even more. He's pretending like he ain't bothered by the news, and it pissed me off.

"Mikey didn't want us to do the same thing as they did. Give them pain while they couldn't defend themselves"

Leo's voice is just as soft as his first statement, just as calm. I hate it, and I hate to admit that he's right. I bare my teeth slightly, pressing my forehead against my dummy and pulling at the fabric on the side of the dummy. A sudden tiredness makes its way through my body and I fall to my knees. My body is shaking slightly with the effort of keeping me on my knees. I just want to crumble right here and now.

My fingers are digging into the stone ground, pain shooting up my right arm as I put pressure on it. They deserved the pain. But no… Mikey didn't want us to. I hate this, I fucking hate it. I don't know what to do anymore. The sound of steps is the only indication of Leo approaching me, the only warning before a sudden hand is placed on my shoulder, nudging me slightly. He's gonna lecture me or something, give a speech about the whole situation. Not this time Leo. I grumble slightly, glaring at the ground.

"I fucking know that Leo, but they deserved it. They fucking cut 'is tail Leo, they broke it. Ya know what happened when ya injured your own tail a few years ago. It fucking hurts, ya told me yerself" I snap. Great, add guilty to the list of emotions I'm feeling right now. I didn't mean to snap, they just need to leave me alone right now, why couldn't they just understand?

I didn't want to talk.

But Leo wasn't going to, instead he wraps two strong arms around me, pressing me closer to his own body. My eyes widen and I start to struggle weakly against his hold, I just needed to be alone right now.. I just needed.. I needed air. I harshly pushed Leo away, immediately jumping up. Leo's eyes sting with betrayal as he looks up to me. Fan fucking tastic. Add regret to the list as well. Ya can only hurt your brothers, can you Raph?

"Leo… I'm…. I'm sorry" I stutter, mentally cursing myself for being so weak, in front of my brother nonetheless. My eyes lock with Leo's for a second before turning away and dashing to my room. I immediately jump onto the bed, burying my face in my pillow. And only then I allow the tears to fall. I cry, I cry for Mikey's fear, his wounds, his nightmares. I cry for everything that is going on right now.

Mikey's death, spending a whole year without him. The depressed mood throughout the lair, missing him. And then finding him like this. Afraid and scarred. I cry for every moment Leo, Don and me spent together, moments without Mikey. Moments he couldn't participate. The forced fun we had while Mikey was suffering over there. For once I allow to make myself cry, and I cry.

I cry for Mikey, and for our whole family that is falling apart.

TMNT

"Leave him for now, he just needs some time on his own" I sigh, watching my little brother running off like that before turning towards my second youngest brother. "Come on Don, you're tired as well. It's already pretty late. I'll stay with Mikey tonight" I say, a slight ordering tone in my voice. I hated using it honestly, but for now I couldn't help it. Even though his mask covered his eyes, I knew he was having bags.

The last few days have been hard on all of us. But Don was the medical over here. He claimed that he was the one to look after Mikey, his health, both mentally and physically. He was the one helping Mikey with his wounds, and it was slowly taking its toll. He needed his sleep right now, I could watch Mikey for tonight.

"Stop doing that Leo"

My eyes narrow in confusion as I hear my younger brother speak like that. His eyes are filled with tears and he stares at me with pleading eyes, like he wants me to do something. Problem is, I had no idea what I needed to do. Or what I needed to stop doing.

"Stop what Donnie? I'm just .. trying to look after all of you." I say, confusion lacing in my voice. I try to reach out for him, comfort him like I had done with Raph just minutes ago but before I could even touch him he slaps my hand away. He never even bothers to wipe away the tears in his eyes but angrily takes a step back.

"You pretending like you're fine. Newsflash bro, you're not, okay? We're broken Leo, don't you see it?!" He suddenly yells, throwing his hands in the air to emphasize his point. I try to open my mouth to say something but Donnie is faster than me, a chuckle leaving his mouth.

"No no no no.. scratch that. You do see it, you just don't want to face it. You don't want to face the truth." Donnie says, suddenly narrowing his eyes again and doing a step forwards. "The truth is right under your nose but you pretend like nothing is happening, you try to act tough but I can see it in your eyes Leo. Why do you keep your emotions locked up like this.. let us help you Leo"

I blink slightly in confusion, all the anger is gone, just like that. Anger being replaced by a soft whisper, fear, hope. All of a sudden he turns around, just like that. Let us help you Leo. The thought continues to replay itself in my hand. Let us help you Leo. I appreciated it, but that wasn't their job. It was like asking a son to care for his parents. It isn't the job of the son to care for his parents.

It isn't the job of the little brothers to care for their leader.

They didn't have to worry, they didn't have to carry the burden of seeing me crumble. I had to remain strong right now. I needed to be strong for my younger brothers. They needed me, and I would be there for them. I couldn't let those emotions cloud my judgement. I should be caring for them, not the other way around.

"I'm fine Don, honestly"

My voice is soft and I carefully wrap my arms around him. Unlike Raph, he doesn't pull away this time and accepts the hug though he doesn't return it. His arms handing limply at his side.

"I do face the truth little brother but you gotta do the same. I'm fine okay? I'm just looking after you" I gently say, tipping his chin up slightly. He huffs slightly and avoids my eyes. "Sleep for now Don, we'll talk about this tomorrow okay?" I smile slightly when Don accepts with a small nod before disconnecting himself from my grasp. He gives me a last look before turning around and walking towards his room.

"Night Leo" He whispers before opening his door.

I sigh slightly, mumbling a goodnight back before I walk over to Mikey's room. The door creaks a little but luckily Mikey doesn't wake up. I quickly sneak inside of his room and close the door. There is a small light next to his bed, and I recognize Donnie's lamp. He must've placed it there at Mikey's request. He never really liked sleeping in the dark but right now he hated it, for obvious reasons. He must've asked for it.

I carefully move Mikey slightly so I could sit next to him on the bed. Luckily Mikey had always been a heavy sleeper, he rarely woke up. He even fell asleep on the couch one time, and he didn't even wake up when Raph pushed him off the couch because he wanted to sit on that spot. My breath hitched slightly when Mikey stirred slightly in his sleep and for a second I was afraid he would wake up again but he didn't.

A soft whimper escapes his throat before he calms down, curling up against me. I don't even know if I should smile or be sad right now. Pushing him off a piece of furniture never woke him up before, he just slept.. didn't even make a single movement, apart from falling that is. But right now he stirred when I moved him, he almost woke up just because I moved him a little bit, and that worried me.

And at the same time, seeing Mikey curled up against me brought a smile on my face. Seeing that he still trusts us made me smile. Even after all I've put him through during the past year, he still trusts us enough to be this close to us. And that made smile, because I knew that we couldn't help Mikey otherwise, if we could help him at all.

I quietly close my eyes, taking a deep breath. All those scars, all memories he was carrying, all because of me. If I had just forbidden him from going topside that day. If I had just been a responsible leader that day, a responsible brother then maybe..… No! I mentally scream, my fists curling up. I couldn't think like that. Tears were burning behind my eyes but I bit them back, not now. I couldn't burden him with my sadness, and neither could I wake up Mikey.

He was clearly exhausted, both mentally and physically. His life got turned upside down, three times in the past year. First getting kidnapped by the Shredder, then kidnapped by those scientists, and then returning to us. It was a lot to take in, and Mikey was obviously struggling to accept everything. To accept he was finally safe with us again.

My face drops slightly as my eyes yet again trail down his body. His arms are still heavily bandages and I know that beneath the covers are his just as bandaged legs. I'm just can't believe… I always knew that humans hated us, or wouldn't accept us because we were different. I never thought that they were capable of doing such a thing.

Even though we had a shell, and a green skin we were still teenagers, we were still children. And they took Mikey, the did the one thing that Master Splinter had been afraid of his whole life. He had always warned us about the dangers of going topside, that people wouldn't accept us, not all of them that is. But we didn't listen.

We became arrogant, careless. We thought we could go topside on our own, thought we could defend ourselves. We were ninja's after all. But even we couldn't go up against the humans with guns and authority. And Mikey eventually had to pay. It should've been me. Mikey didn't deserve any of this, he was too innocent.

Not anymore, that feature has been taken from him. A heavy sigh leaves my mouth, trying to shake off that particular thought. Mikey would never be the same little brother again but we couldn't do anything about it other than to accept it. The damage done by those humans was too big to be fixed, but that wouldn't stop me, or the others from trying to get Mikey back, one way or another.

TMNT

"Hey Mikey, can I come in?" I quietly say, keeping my voice as low as possible so I wouldn't startle my immediate little brother. From the other side of the door I could hear a humming sound, Mikey's way of saying it was okay. I took a deep breath before entering the room. This was the second time in a whole year I had been here, yesterday being the first time.

The memories that was stored in this room was just too much. So many nights we had spent in this room together, with the four of us, or just with the two of us, laughing and just goofing off slightly. Just like teenagers. It was too painful to return to the place where your little brother used to sleep, used to laugh and joke around. Not anymore, Mikey was back, finally back weird us.. and even though he was back, it was weird.

It felt weird coming into the room, not right. It wasn't Mikey's room, not really. His room would always be filled with things, toys scattered all across the ground, pizza boxes on the ground and so on. His room wasn't clean, but this time it was. There wasn't a single drop of dust on the ground, everything was neatly stacked on the rightful place, the single comic book being an exception.

"How do you feel Mikey?"

The move wasn't instant but it took Mikey a few seconds before he lifted his eyes from the comic book in beneath him, twisting as much as his shell would allow and smiled slightly. It wasn't his usual smile he would always wear around the lair, or used to wear, but it was a true one.

"Better" He croaks slightly, before casting his eyes downwards again. "My legs still sting a bit though" He quietly adds, and despite the news it brings a smile on my face. It was still something getting used to, the last few days Mikey rarely talked but after avenging his capture yesterday, he had been visibly better and he even started to talk more. He rarely started a conversation, but he responded more. Instead of shakes and nods, and occasional sentences, he would speak more. Things that weren't really necessary.

Mikey knew I couldn't do anything about his legs, all because he was refusing any drugs. And yet he told me what bothered him.

"That's to be expected, it will disappear soon enough." I assure him with a small smile before walking over to his bed, sitting on the edge. I can see Mikey tense slightly but he looks up to me nevertheless, still lying on his plastron and the comic book beneath him. I'm quiet for a split second, trying to find the right words before finally opening my mouth.

"I wanted to ask you something, but I want you to be one hundred percent honest." I start, looking at my little brother with a serious expression. He frowns slightly and turns on his shell, unable to stiffen a his soft pain as he does so. He carefully sits up, looking to me with a worried and yet scared expression.

"It's about your arm.. it has healed well enough for me to get the stitches out but there's one thing I want to do" I slowly continue, closing my eyes for a moment. "Leo's acting different lately, did you notice anything weird?" I ask, not wanting to get to the subject right away. I didn't want Mikey to get the wrong idea about this, and I would never do something against his will.

"Not really Don, he just seems… quieter around me. It isn't because of me is it?" He whispers, looking at me with a sorrowful expression but surprisingly there are no tears in his eyes. I force myself, and my face, to relax slightly and give him an apologizing smile. He looks confused for a second and I carefully place my hand on his shoulder.

"It is.. but it isn't your fault. You couldn't do anything about this little bro" I quickly try to assure him. "Listen, Leo blames himself for what happened to you, and even as we speak he's keeping his emotions inside. He refuses to talk to us about it. He has this idea that he can't show his emotion"

Mikey shifts slightly, looking away. I know why he does it, he doesn't like to hear about what happened to him. If he could decide, he would just try to forget all about it. Cook like he always did, train with us and just play games, but we don't work that way. Mikey needed to heal, not conceal the wounds. Point is, he didn't like it when we talked about the things that happened to him, it would always bring back memories, we tried to avoid it when it wasn't necessary but sometimes we couldn't.

"I talked with Raph.. and we both think it's a good thing he'll be with you.. while removing your stitches. So he'll be confronted… But seriously Mike, only if you want to. If you want to be alone, or you want Raph or dad to be with you, that's fine. It's your choice"

Once again Mikey casts his head aside, biting his lip slightly. I don't know if he even notices it anymore but his hand slowly trails to his left arm, trailing his thick finger along the surgical scar. I gently reach out for him, taking his right hand in between mine, squeezing it slightly. Still, he doesn't look at me but I know he wasn't ignoring me.

"I don't want Leo to do it.. but I want him with me"

I blink slightly, trying to process what he had just said. He slowly trails his gaze towards me again, his eyes twinkling with fear and patience. I smile slightly, that's Mikey. Of course I was going to remove his stitches, the point in asking Leo to stay was to make him see, to confront him so he would finally open up, instead of breaking down in a couple of days or weeks.

"Of course I'll remove them. And Leo will be there to hold you, it'll be over in no time and you'll feel better afterwards. Promise"

Before I knew what was happened I had two arms wrapped around my neck, Mikey's face buried in the crook of my neck. I slowly reach across his shell, hugging him back and burying my face in his neck as well, closing my eyes in the process. Now I only had to convince Leo. Some way I felt bad for confronting Leo like this but it would eventually help him. He couldn't carry this burden any longer, it would eat him away from the inside out.

TMNT

"If this has anything to do with the talk we had this morning, you can save your breath"

The voice came too unexpected and I jumped backwards slightly when the voice boomed through the dojo. Dang it! I knew Leo was good, in fact all of us could sense others but I never expected Leo's voice this early, or this fierce. I mentally snort, guess he was really afraid to show his true feelings, trying to avoid confrontation in any way possible.

"I'm not Leo, I'm removing the stitches in Mikey's arm, someone needs to be with him"

I roll my eyes slightly, only after this sentence he decides to turn around and face me. Instead of, I don't know, turn around when I approached me and he clearly knew I was here. Still, I knew why he was doing it, and all that mattered right now was getting him to Mikey. A shudder went down my spine, I felt like using him at the moment, using my little brother to help my older brother. But I couldn't think about that, Mikey cared for Leo as well. And he wouldn't want Leo to do this to himself.

"Can't Raph do it… I'm busy with meditation" Leo replies, trying to keep a straight face. Any other day I would've yelled at him, and be truly angry at my older brother for saying this. Not wanting to help Mikey when he needed his older brother. But I knew why he rather didn't do it, and it was exactly the reason why I wanted Leo to come with me.

"Raph's getting dinner so no Leo, and Mikey asked for you." I retort, glaring slightly at him. Leo narrowed his eyes at my gesture but eventually nodded. Our eyes stay locked for a few seconds before he slowly stands up, our eyes still not parting. Eventually it's me who breaks the contact, turning around and walking straight to the lab.

"Mikey's in his room, I'm going to get the equipment"

That was all I said before walking into my lab. Trust me, I don't think Leo is a bad brother but I honestly thought it would take more to convince him. Leo had always been persistent, if he wanted to do something, or in this case hide something, he would stop at nothing. Heck, he even scarified himself because he wanted to keep us safe.

But I also knew that this time was different, this time there was no one to rescue, no secret to hide from us. This time it wasn't a secret nor a rescue option. No, it was a severely traumatized little brother who needed him. And no matter how much Leo wanted to keep his little 'secret', he couldn't ignore Mikey's want for comfort. No matter how much we wanted to keep his emotions away from us, he wouldn't avoid Mikey, especially when said turtle needed him.

Leo wasn't a bad brother, in fact I understood why he was doing it. He didn't want us to know his weakness, he thought that we needed a solid rock, something to rely on with all the shit going on right now. If Leo were to expose his true feelings, we wouldn't have that rock anymore. The thing was, we didn't need a solid rock. We didn't need one person to hang onto. We needed each other, we needed each other as a whole family, not just one.

We needed Leo to open up because he needed us as well.

The moment I came back into Mikey's room the bandages were already removed from Mikey's left arm, said turtle deliberately avoiding his stitched arm. I swallowed slightly as I looked at the amount of stitches running from his upper arm till his wrist. 45 stitches, they dared to give my little brother 45 stitches on his arm.

"Just get it over with please" Mikey whimpered slightly, only resulting in Leo tightening his hold on him slightly. Leo was sitting next to him, on his right side. He had one arm around Mikey's shoulder, forcing him closer to his own body and his cheek was pressed against the freckled scalp. I nodded bluntly and walked over to him. I sat down on the other side, gently taking Mikey's arm.

With a tiny scissor I carefully cut a few stitches, pulling them out with a pair of tweezers. Mikey tensed slightly, obviously feeling the stitches being taken out of his arm but didn't utter a single word. Instead he buried his face in Leo's embrace, trembling slightly. The whole process took less than 5 minutes and by the end of the procedure all that was left were the remains of the black stitches and the long, thick scar running down Mikey's arm.

I couldn't take my eyes off of it, it looked… too visible. I carefully ran my finger down the scar, feeling the rough texture. It was like it was sucked inwards, the scarred part of the skin being pushed downwards. And to my surprise Mikey didn't even flinch when I ran my finger down his scar, only keeping his face buried in Leo's hold.

"Mikey?"

My voice was dangerously low, and I winced slightly at the sudden disruption of silence. I keep holding Mikey's arm, trying to give him some assurance but by the shaking of his body I knew that I was doing a bad job, a very bad one.

"I-I c-can't feel it D-Don" He eventually hiccups which made me frown. He can't feel what? I slowly look down at his arm, at his scar and then it dawns on me. "I c-can't f-feel it… m-my scar." He continues, suddenly turning around and wrapping his arms around me, burying his face in my plastron before I had a chance to stop him.

I quickly wrap my arms around Mikey's shivering body, looking up to see Leo's face. I don't even know if I should smile. Leo's face was filled with tears, but I couldn't smile. Mikey was breaking down in my grasp, but surprisingly there were no tears. I want to open my mouth to say something but Leo beat me to it, suddenly standing up and looking away.

He too struggles, open his mouth and tensing slightly but eventually his mouth shuts and he walks out of the room without saying a single word. He didn't need to say a word, I knew what was going on in his mind. The plan had worked. Tears were streaming down Leo's face, that's why he didn't want to face me, that's why he ran out of the room. It worked.

"He's gone isn't he?"

For the second time in 15 minutes an unexpected voice fills the rooms and I jump back slightly. While I had kinda expected Leo to scare me like that, theoretically speaking, but I had never expected to hear Mikey's voice after what happened. Though when I looked up again, I was looking at Mikey's face, tear-free and smiling slightly. The same smile he wore when I walked in on him.

"Wha-.. what did you… I don't… Leo .. he.. you"

I knew I was stuttering right now but I just couldn't help it, I didn't understand what was going on right now.. how could Mikey be like this after he practically broke down when he found out he couldn't feel his scar? When he found out that those scientists dealt so much damage that he couldn't even feel his damaged skin any more.

"It's my body Don, I already knew" Mikey eventually answers my question, and still I can't help but to stare at Mikey'. "Don't cry D, it wasn't real y'know. I already knew" he quietly adds, reaching out for me, wiping his finger along my cheek. I frown again, bringing my finger to cheeks and feeling the wet substance dripping out of my eyes, I hadn't even realized I was crying until now.

A slow smile made its way on my face when my brain finally realized what just happened. He was acting like it was something new, like he didn't know his damaged skin didn't have any nerves anymore, just so our plan could work. And only then I realized Mikey had just pranked Leo, he pranked Leo. I allowed my tears to fall, but they weren't out of sadness, and I wrapped my arms around Mikey.

"I'm so proud little bro, so proud" I muttered in the hug. Mikey tensed within the hug, surprised by the sudden physical contact but surprisingly didn't pull away. Even if Mikey was obviously not healed, far from it, but he was gradually getting better. Mikey snuggled close to me, eventually accepting the hug.

"Can I talk to Leo..? I actually feel kinda bad.."

Eventually it was Mikey who broke the silence, and the hug, untangling himself from me and looking at me with hopeful eyes. I quickly wiped away the remaining tears on my face and smiled towards him, nodding in approval.

"Of course little bro, just remember that this needed to be done. He will eventually feel better" I add and stand up, walking over to the corner of his room to get the crutches. "Do you want me to bandage your arm again..?" I ask in a low tone as I hand Mikey his crutches. Said turtle gratefully accepts them and clumsily helps himself up, wincing slightly when putting pressure on his legs. They were still very weak, the pain was minimal, but it was the lack of exercise that made him wince.

"No, I need to get used to it one day" He says, shaking his head to emphasize the point. I give my little brother another short hug before walking over to the door and walking outside, Mikey closely following me. I gave him one assuring nod before we split, Mikey heading for Leo's room, and me walking towards the kitchen to help Raph with dinner, a smile plastered on my face.

TMNT

Hours later Leo and Mikey still hadn't shown up, hadn't eaten any dinner. In fact, neither of us had heard anything coming from their room, no sound, no voices, nothing. April and Casey had left long ago after dinner, it was a normal school night after all. Dad had shown up for dinner but after that he had gone into his room again to meditate, something he did a lot these days.

Point is, Leo and Mikey never showed up again. I knew Mikey was talking to Leo, or was supposed to do it. I had explained everything to Raph, what had happened and how everyone reacted. He already knew what we were going to do, I talked to him before I confronted Mikey with the idea. And to say we were getting a bit worried was an understatement.

But what we saw was nothing we had expected.

Leo's blue blanket had fallen off the bed, leaving the two turtles on the bed without anything to warm them. Mikey was laying on his side, his shell against wall and curled up against Leo's shell. The latter was curled up as well, with his face towards the wall. They were both breathing softly, and their eyes were closed, sleeping. Behind me Raph snickered slightly.

"What an…" he started but shook his head instead, simply smiling at the two sleeping turtles. Obviously satisfied with the view.

"-Idiot Raph, I know" Leo suddenly whispers, cracking one eye open. His eyes were blood red, and in the dim light you could vaguely see dried tears on his cheeks. "I'm sorry guys, for shutting you out. I was trying to help you… but I was being an idiot" He adds, his voice slightly hoarse. He doesn't move however, just keeps a single eye on us and it was clear he was tired.

"Darn right you were" Raph snorted but couldn't hide the smile that was creeping on his face. I shook my head slightly, waling over to the two of them. Mikey mumbled a bit in his sleep, repositioning himself along Leo's shell but didn't wake up at all. Leo however sighed and closed his eyes in exhaustion. I crouched down to grab the fallen blanket and for a second he cracked his eyes open again, looking at me with a small but tried smile.

"Sleep for now Leo, we'll talk about this tomorrow okay?" I playfully mock, Leo sticking out his tongue in response. I laugh slightly, ignoring the confused look I was getting from Raph. He wasn't there when Leo said the exact same thing to me, he wasn't there when Leo still wanted to keep this from us. I placed the blanket on top of Mikey and Leo. The latter hummed slightly but didn't open his eyes again, falling asleep again before we could even leave the room.


	23. Chapter 23

Hello,

My name is Donatello, I'm 16 years old and I'm a teenage mutant ninja turtle. I live in New York, together with my older brother Leonardo and Raphael, and my younger brother Michelangelo. Our father is Hamato Yoshi, but we rarely call him like that. We often refer to him as Master Splinter, or simply dad. In addition we have 2 other sisters, one 'adopted', and one being the biological daughter of Hamato Yoshi, and we have one 'adopted' brother.

April O'Neil and Casey Jones. Those were our first humans friends and they've slowly become part of the family. Karai, actually Miwa, had always been part of the family but had been taken away from dad when she was just one year old. But in the end she came back to us, but I'll get back on that later.

April had suggested I needed to do this, she said I needed to express my feelings if I didn't feel like talking. She said it would help me, and my brothers to cope with what happened. So I decided to give it a shot.

My only younger brother Michelangelo, Mikey, got taken from us a little over a year ago.. We thought he had died by the hand of the Shredder, and while we were desperately trying to move on, he was getting tortured and experimented on in the lab of crazy scientists. And I will never forgive myself from trying to forget about him.

April and Casey found him in the lab by accident, and I'll never be able to repay them. I couldn't even express how grateful I am for bringing him back, and saving him from that hell-hole. And while none of us blame them, and there was no way they could be blamed, they were too late. The damage had already been done, and the scars had already been made.

Still, after 2 whole months I can't look at the scars without feeling my stomach turn. Two long surgical scars were running down his legs, starting from his upper leg, and stopping at his ankles were they were met by the scarring caused by the chains. He has the same on his left arm, while the right one was spared, they used the right limb to supply him with food and fluids but after a while you couldn't see anything anymore.

But the biggest damage was done in his mind.

They tortured him, cut him open while he was awake and they taunted him. They washed him with ice-cold water and they had him strapped down for a year. Of course that would leave a mark. And he isn't the brother I once knew, he has changed. He doesn't laugh like he used to laugh, he doesn't prank us anymore and he doesn't contain the innocence he once carried with him.

He got better these last 2 months, but only a little bit. He's so awfully quiet the whole time. Maybe he isn't being too quiet, but for Mikey he is. He's more like Master Splinter, only talking when he feels it's necessary, and even when watching a movie he's just sitting, finding comfort with one of us. Sometimes he doesn't talk at all during the movie, and sometimes he does.

It was heartbreaking at first, the first movie night we planned, just with the four of us we had expected something, anything from him. But as the movie progressed not a word left Mikey's mouth, instead the only thing he did was lean tightly against Raph, desperately seeking comfort by his older brother. Something he needed a lot lately.

To help him heal and cope with the things that happened we made up a kind of plan. It was a silent agreement between all of us that we needed to keep Mikey busy most of the time and we would slowly decrease it. But for now, everyone thought it was a good idea to keep him company. So Leo, always being the one to wake up first, would keep an eye on Mikey in the morning.

Almost right away, surprising us, Mikey wanted to get back to training, even getting back to his nun chucks. We didn't really understand because weapons meant blades and tools they used at the lab, but Mikey never backed down from them, maybe we were being too protective of him. The only time he really freaked out was when Leo drew a tanto, that was the only thing that really reminded him of a scalpel.

But Mikey pushed on, and gradually he began to increase his training with the help of Leo and Master Splinter. And unlike the Mikey we used to know, this Mikey was determined to train. Not as much as Leo would do, but he trained long, and once he did train he was determined and focused. Slowly he regained some muscle, and he was still the fastest out of all of us even though he didn't have his usual stamina.

Mikey had quickly taken over the job of cooking again, and it kept him busy for a while. He always made us breakfast, lunch and dinner. And on some rare occasions we did. We weren't too happy with Mikey doing all the work but for now it would keep him occupied, and would keep his mind off the horrors he endured for a whole year.

After breakfast Mikey would either go to the living room or his room, and Leo always followed him, making sure it wasn't too suspicious. Though it turned out it was, because 2 weeks ago when Mikey was sitting in my lab he confronted me. But he wasn't blaming me, or telling me he didn't need it, he was thanking me for doing it because he understood why we did it.

And he was thinking us for keeping him busy because he also knew that was something he needed right now.

After lunch it was my 'job' to watch over him. Of course I couldn't force him to go anywhere but most of the time, especially after he confronted me, he spent his time in my lab because he didn't want to bother me. But we would also find ourselves in front of the TV a lot of times. Honestly I'm still shocked by the fact that Mikey is willing to go into the lab, but that was after I hid everything.

With the help of Leo and Raph, and our human friends, we found enough drawers to hide everything from sight, and Mikey was brave enough to come in. Mostly we would just sit around, sometimes talk a bit, and he would sit there, enjoying my company. And again, I couldn't stand the unusual quietness that was surrounding my little brother, or finding him in tears when he was too quiet for too long, and he had time to think.

Though if I were to believe Raph, the nights were the worst. Raph and Mikey would often, if not all of the time, wake up with huge bags under their eyes. Not even after two whole months did the nightmares go away. And it was an ungiven task Raph had taken upon himself, watching over Mikey during the night. We knew it was probably a bad idea to do, but after a week of screaming us awake every night multiple times, we moved Mikey's bed to Raph's room, creating a twin bed.

But even so, Mikey still didn't get rid of the nightmares. Sometimes I would be awoken as well but I knew Raph was there for Mikey if he would once again wake up screaming and trashing, mind flashing between nightmare and reality. They were bad, getting dangerously close to night terrors but they were expected.

Sometimes Mikey would even fall asleep in my lab while I was working because the lack of sleep was getting too much. I could never bring myself to wake him up, seeing the bags under his eyes, but every time I was forced to face the consequences. Because probably the worst thing I had ever seen, even worse than the scars on his body, was the look in his eyes when he woke up from another nightmare.

I would never be able to forget that look on his eyes. There was so much hurt written in the once bright blue eyes. He wasn't even him anymore. He would be screaming and trashing, trying to hit me as his mind back flashing back and forth between the nightmare and what was really happening. Mostly it wouldn't take long to snap him out of it but calming him down was another problem.

The first time it had happened, 9 days after we got him back, I had to hold him for a full hour before he had calmed down enough to be released. Mikey had always been a turtle who loved hugs and little actions that showed him we loved him. But now he couldn't live without them, whenever something bad happened, he needed someone to hold him and to assure him he was safe and he was with his family, instead of those people.

He had told me about it once, but only very briefly. When he woke up, it was exactly what I just described, him flashing back and forth. One time he was trapped in his nightmare, and the next moment he was back with us but the problem was that he never knew what was real. He wanted to get away from the nightmare, but once he got into the real world his mind wouldn't accept that he was safe, throwing him back into the nightmare.

After he explained that part, he had carefully reached out for me, grabbing my arm and turning it upwards, slowly unwrapping the bandages. The bite mark was still on there but it was faint, and you probably wouldn't have noticed it if you weren't looking for it. He had stared at it for a few second before revealing his tearful eyes, whispering 'I remember' softly.

He didn't say anything else, instead I carefully pulled him into a tight hug. He had apologized over and over again for biting me. The time when I washed him, and he was confronted with one of the things they did to him, his mind flashed back to the nightmare again and out of self-defense, he had bitten me. I don't know if I should be happy that he remembers or not.

He remembers, and I hate it because he's feeling guilty because of it. But knowing also means that he doesn't completely loses his humanity, and that there is a chance that he'll recover. It didn't happen again, but he did try. There were things we didn't know about, and we accidently exposed him to, sending him back into his nightmare. That was the thing that was nagging me so much, the answers.

Even now, after 2 whole months after it had happened, we still didn't have all the answers, and something told me we are never going to get them. Mikey rarely talks about what happens and none of us are pushing him. But he told me little snippets of his time during captivity, he told little snippets to the rest of us but never the whole story, or even a part of it.

The scientists, they hated him, they feared him at the same time. And while they did want to know about him and his build up, they only cut open his tail for sheer fun. Bathing him with cold water was another test of determining his immunity, cutting open his arm and legs was for research but the taunting and the electric shocks were for fun, purposely prodding his muscles was for fun, and it sickened me to hear him talk about it.

Because he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much time had passed, he still couldn't talk about it. He would just shut down when he tries to talk about it, he would recall everything that happened to him. And it hurt me to see him like that, gasping for air and holding me as if his life was depending on it.

Maybe he did want to tell us, and maybe he didn't but that didn't matter because he couldn't even get past a few sentences. And somewhere I was fearing that we would never be able to found out what really happened, this wasn't something he could recover from.

And at the same time, it didn't matter anymore, because he was finally back with us again after a whole year of missing him. Even in our lair there were things he couldn't face. It wasn't a secret that he felt less comfortable with Casey. He never met him before he was captured, add that to the fact that Casey is a human just like them, makes a dangerous combination.

He didn't distrust him, but it was obvious he wasn't entirely comfortable when he was alone with Casey. His relation with April had faded a little as well. It wasn't as bad as with Casey, but if you paid attention to it, and you knew how it was before, you could see a decline. Mikey just didn't trust April as much as he used to do.

Mikey told me about it, it wasn't like he didn't trust April or Casey, he wanted to trust them, he wanted to hang out with them but he just couldn't like he used to. They were human, and the ones that hurt him were also human. He hated it, the feeling of not fully trusting his human friends and I couldn't tell him everything was going to be okay, because I knew it probably wouldn't go away.

Karai, Miwa, was the worst. 5 weeks after Mikey came back to us, Leo brought Karai to the lair. She had claimed that she believed that Splinter was her real father, but in the end it was all a trap, TC was tracking her. Dad sent Leo, Raph and me out to watch over Karai as she lured TC somewhere else. We eventually fought him, and in the end Karai jumped in and knocked him backwards.

Seeing that he couldn't win against the four of us, he retreated. I sabotaged the tracking device and we all went home. I had expected Mikey to wait for me, like he always did when we went out on a patrol once in a week, but he wasn't there. Over the course of a few days we all noticed immense changes in Mikey's character.

He rarely talked anymore and he was alone more often. We found out the hard way, when Miwa caused him to have a full-blown panic attack. It took Raph hours to calm Mikey down and Leo had to take Miwa away from the room. Still, I couldn't believe how stupid we'd been. Miwa, even if she didn't want to, had a share in Mikey's capture, she was the reason that he was taken for a year.

She was the one that captured him, she had handed Shredder the bucket of blood that was used to drown him. She hadn't helped him when Mikey had pleaded for her, for someone, to help him. But she just turned her back on him. She left him injured on the street after she got him out, where a couple eventually found them and alerted the police, eventually ending up in the lab.

And it was hard for Mikey to accept Miwa into the family, not because he didn't trust her, it was because he couldn't.

We all knew it was because the wounds were just too fresh, and we were right. Over the last 3 weeks Mikey started to feel more comfortable around Miwa. He didn't flee the room anymore when Miwa came in, he started to relax more within her presence but mostly he was just ignoring her, how rude it really sounded. But it was true, he was pretending like she wasn't even there.

And yet, Mikey never gave any indication that he hated Miwa.

He didn't hate her, Mikey had told me that one night. it was the same as with April and Casey. He just couldn't trust her, even if he wanted to, how much he forced himself to trust the humans. The humans hurt him, the humans cut him open. And how much it hurt Miwa, it hurt Mikey equally as bad.

But apart from Mikey's distrust for humans, he was doing well. He was alive, if that is well enough for you. He got so much better since he returned to us. A frightened turtle who was scared of every little sound or touch. He got better though. He got used to our voices, and he didn't jump or freak out when he talked with our normal voice and at a normal volume.

He didn't freak out as much when we hugged him without warning, he didn't have daily panic attacks anymore. And only those facts emphasized already how bad Mikey was doing actually. He wasn't Mikey anymore, but we knew we had to live with that, and hope Mikey would someday be more like himself, and wouldn't have to be distracted every minute of the day.

Raph and Leo said Mikey was like a deep cut, something that would heal slowly but would never completely fade. Me, I thought, how harsh it sounded, Mikey was like a phone with a broken glass, only the screen protector holding it together. He was broken, and we were the only thing keeping him together. One day he would be able to accept the cracks, but he'll never be fixed.

And even if Mikey would never be the same again, he was with us again, he still loved all of us, and maybe that was the most important thing.

A story ends when it's the right time, when everything is resolved. Well this is not the end of the story. The end of the story is when we die, that's when our story ends. Because no matter how hard we try, Mikey will never be who he was, he will always be reminded of the horrible things they did to him at that lab. And only when he dies, does his story fully end.

So I can't say this is the end of our story, because there will be many parts more, many cliffhangers, many twists and turns, and relapses that would anger and sadden the readers of our 'book'. No, these last two words only mark the end of this particular chapter, but the story isn't over yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.
> 
> And how much I hate to say it, this story is now officially finished. After almost 9 months of working on it, it's really over…
> 
> I just wanted to say thank you all so much for the continuous support on this story, and all the amazing reviews you've been given me! Your feedback, and the fact that you enjoy it, means the world to me. So thank you!
> 
> おしまい。


End file.
